A/N Warning: Fluff and utter rubbish ahead... Read at own risk. Some swearing and sexual references. Of course this is completely experimental on my part... I don't mind it... I don't think it's written too badly so I can stand it. Just a little entertainment before i doze off for the night.
I also note that Mean Girls and possibly one of the songs mentioned were around much later than the era in which this fic takes place. But let me have a little fun ;)
Disclaimer: I Freckles do not own Harry Potter or any characters mentioned in this text. I do however take responsibility for putting them into completely rediculous situations. Alas, it is my job.
Just a little game (oneshot)
It was just a little game. That could have been the motto for the evening. But of course, as usual, things never end up exactly the way people plan them to.
Remus Lupin stared open mouthed at the fog that was now wafting through the room. Professor McGonagall seemed to have blown a fuse… Literally, metaphorically and magically.
Remus glanced at James who was an incredible scarlet colour. He waited for him to join his partner in crime… But for once James held his tongue and didn't say a word.
Remus hardly blamed him.
It was… after all, Sirius who was now receiving the death stare from Professor McGonagall.
And Remus had to admit that deep down somewhere, he hardly blamed her.
Sirius Black flinched at every nostril flare McGonagall managed. The fact that she was managing nostril flaring was beyond him because she seemed to have temporarily forgotten how to breathe.
And oxygen was a very important thing when one was angry.
"SIRIUS BLACK!" She bellowed. A few fist years actually covered their ears but their hands recoiled when McGonagall threw them death stares too.
"Yes Professor?" He said in the utmost innocent of voices.
"Report to Mr Filch's office immediately." The fact that she had calmed didn't seem to lessen Sirius' fear in the slightest. He'd watched enough horror movies in his time to know that the most psychotic killers were the one's who didn't actually seem psychotic. Sans hockey masks, sharp weapons and chainsaws. They didn't yell 'SIRIUS BLACK!" in a deafening furious voice. Actually they didn't yell at all but he figured if they did they would hold a much calmer state… it was more terrifying.
And never in his life had anything worth sharing occurred in Filch's office. In fact, he was convinced it was jinxed.
And by god when he was hanging from Filch's office window cuffed at the wrists in his boxers he made him self a promise that he'd never enter Filch's haunted shagging office ever again in his life. Even if Cleopatra herself, sex god of the freaking Nile was beckoning for him clad in a gold gown popping cherries into her mouth and smiling at him seductively.
What kind of decent teacher subjected students to such obvious embarrassment anyway? Weren't lines sufficient?
But he knew… somewhere deep down that he'd probably drawn the line.
And as Remus Lupin watched him flailing about he was hit with a sudden sense of relief that his father had belted him senseless at the tiniest things when he was a child… suffice to say… He'd learnt early.
Poor, poor Padfoot.
It had been a very dull Friday night. Sirius, always the life of the party had suggested a little game to keep them entertained. Lupin didn't particularly like the sound of 'A little game' but he went along with it anyway… What could you do when you had the two most persuasive barstards in the school breathing down your neck?
"Truth and Dare is only fun in female company." James muttered flashing Lilly Evans a smile. She replied with a rather rude hand gesture. Lupin shook his head wondering at what exact time James planned on buying a ticket for 'Anywhere but Lilly town population one.'
Sirius rolled his eyes and replied: "Well see, then they actually know we're daring each other to do things… if they don't… think of the possibilities."
Lupin was pretty sure judging by the look that crossed Sirius' face that the possibilities he imagined were vastly different from that of a normal human being. Sirius' mind was so deep in the gutter it was scary. He was like the real version of Daniel shagging Cleaver.
"Alright…" Sirius said rubbing his hands together gleefully, "Who's first off the block?"
"Me." James said boldly. Although it wasn't unpredictable considering Lilly's location at the present time Lupin thought he could have been a little wiser about putting himself out into the firing line.
"This should be good." Peter said with a grin leaning back against his chair.
Remus had never seen James quite so red before. It really didn't suit him. The usual air of confidence all but a distant memory. Lilly Evans looked up at him with a look of utmost disgust on her face.
James cleared his throat. Glanced back at the Sirius who was now rolling around on the carpet laughing, Remus who was shaking his head and Peter who was grinning expectantly. He took a deep breath and said.
"Is your muffin buttered?"
"Would you like me to assign someone to butter your muffin?"
A smile seemed to be playing at Lilly's lips. Whether this was a good or bad thing Remus didn't know. He knew they weren't quite past the nuclear explosion stage but there was a good chance they were getting there.
Unless she was psychotic.
"Sirius." She called playfully, "Please stop ordering your friend's to quote Mean Girls. There are actually a few girls here who haven't shagged you and I'm sure that you wouldn't want to risk them thinking you're gay or anything."
Remus chuckled. The girl could play impromptu he gave her that.
It was Peter's turn next. James grinned at Sirius evilly and Remus wondered if they really were the devil's advocates.
The thought had crossed his mind on several occasions.
"Alright Peter… I order you to…" James said a devious smile upon his face.
Remus couldn't believe his friend's boldness. Peter was always up for a laugh but they were talking about flashing the entire Gryffindor common room. Peter would hardly ever live it down. And it wasn't as if he would receive the same attention Sirius would if he were to do the same thing.
"Trousers down." Sirius ordered.
"Not boxers though." Peter said with a chuckle.
James and Sirius exchanged a look that clearly said 'Yes mate… boxers as well.' Peter looked at them dumbstruck.
"You've got to be kidding." He spluttered.
"A dare's a dare." James said with a shrug.
"There are actually young children in the vicinity." Remus said with a grimace.
"Well you better warn them then." Sirius said with a devilish grin.
Remus rolled his eyes. He seriously doubted Peter was going to put it out there, so to speak. Sure Peter wasn't a prefect and sure Peter was always up for a laugh but if he did it then he'd be looking at complete and utter social suicide.
"A dare is a dare." Sirius managed, holding onto the door frame for support as he laughed so hard his side felt as if it was going to split. James could hardly breathe through the peals of laughter and Remus was in complete and utter shock.
Peter Pettigrew… had just flashed the entire Gryffindor common room.
And not only that… they were now chanting his name as if he were a war hero.
"I should flash." Sirius said a hand on his belt.
"Not until we dare you to." James said grabbing his arm. He turned to Remus and said, "Your turn mate."
Remus couldn't believe what he'd gotten himself into. It was a complete night mare. It was the kind of night mare where you turned up to school in your pajamas and everyone laughed at you.
Except this… had to be at least a million times worse.
A girl whistled.
Make that a billion.
Remus sighed closing his eyes for a brief second hoping that he'd wake up to find he was still warm and snug inside his bed and that his prefect career wasn't on the line because of what he was about to do. The fact that he was standing on a table with what seemed to be a hundred Gryffindors watching him closely made him feel ill.
He took hold of the bottom of his shirt and in a very loud voice he began to sing:
"I'm… too sexy for my shirt…"
Whether it could get anymore embarrassing he wasn't sure. Now people were chanting his name… great.
"Too sexy for my shirt."
The shirt came off as it had been instructed to.
"So sexy it hurts." He said and a final cheer erupted from the Gryffindors. Cheeks glowing scarlet he slipped the shirt back over his head and made his way over to Sirius looking murderous.
It was definitely payback time…
It was ten pm by the time Professor McGonagall had enough sense to realize that it was a rallied up night for the Gryffindors and that some order needed to be enforced. She slipped through the portrait hole gracefully and calmly informed them that the rest of the castle could hear them and that they were to stop making an inhuman amount of racket immediately.
"Here's your chance." James sniggered to Sirius who was looking incredibly cool and collected considering the situation.
Sirius grinned and without an ounce of embarrassment he crossed the common room and come to a halt in front of Professor McGonagall.
"You're looking rather ravishing tonight professor." He said politely.
"Why thank you Black. But it wouldn't at all surprise me if you were responsible for the racket the rest of your house is making and so therefore I am not blinded by compliments."
"But you deserve them Professor." He said confidently, he seemed to be taking his dare into stride, "After all… Your eyes do twinkle so brightly."
"I beg your pardon?" The professor said frowning slightly.
"And your hair seems to flow like a river." He sighed in a love sick voice.
"Black, I can't imagine what exactly this little expose is about but-."
"And your figure curves in just the right places." Sirius said with still the same air of mystery and love.
"Black stop this ridiculous behaviour this instant!" McGonagall barked.
"And your lips Professor… they look so kissable…"
"I can't deny it anymore Minerva…" Sirius stopped and looked into her eye to milk the effect, "I love you!" And he took her by the shoulders and leant in his lips puckered dramatically.
Remus wasn't sure what kind of spell she'd used to create such an explosion… but he certainly knew that it was useful…
And so… Sirius Black hung from Argus Filch's third story window by his wrists in only his boxers.
Sirius didn't see why she had to go to such lengths to punish him… he was only forty years younger than her. And it wasn't as if he was ACTUALLY going to kiss her.
Of course, when Remus had instructed him on what to say… he had (intentionally of course) failed to mention the scene he had witnessed one night when he'd had an occlumency lesson with her. He'd been quite intrigued by the little snippet of the scene he'd witnessed before the memory had swirled into the pensieve. In fact… when she was out of the room… he'd been so intrigued he's taken a quick look.
He knew french men could be quite romantic but he'd never picked Professor McGonagall to be the type… And the line about her figure seemed to suggest that the french man had milked it for all it was worth at the time.
But of course… Sirius hadn't exactly received the same kind of 'punishment' as the french man.
And as Remus watched Sirius flailing from that window, he smiled at the thought that Sirius was probably glad about that.
Reviews would be appreciated greatly :)