But I Love Her

Summery: The sound of the now destroyed vase smashing into the ground rang in her ears, the memory replaying over and over. – C/Other then C/O

Warnings: Femslash; Abuse; Casey/Other (with Casey/Olivia later)

Author's Note: If you read, please review and let me know what you think. I'm still working on "It's All About Timing," but this was begging to be written.

Sorry about the HUGE delay in posting this chapter… I just keep losing my muse (she likes to play hide-and-go-seek). I am not entirely happy with this chapter, but I need to move the story along and I don't think it's going to get any better. I have pieces of the next chapter written so hopefully it'll be up soon. It's always a better chance with me on Winter break and finished with all my school work lol

Shameless plug: If you're a fan of Firefly/Serenity, check out my fic from that fandom… I usually don't peddle for reviews, but I was hoping to get at least one :-/ lol

Let me know what you think… please stick with me, it'll get less depressing later.

Chapter 7

Olivia opened her door and Casey walked in, taking in the modestly decorated apartment. "Sorry it's such a mess," Olivia said.

"Are you kidding? There's like two beer bottles sitting out – that's hardly a mess." Olivia laughed and gestured for Casey to walk further into the apartment. "Thanks for letting me stay here."

"It's no problem at all. Do you want something to eat? Something to drink?"

Casey smiled. "Sure. Do you have anything I could change into? My court clothing isn't the most comfortable thing…"

"Yeah, follow me." They walked into Olivia's bedroom where she immediately went to her dresser and started going through her drawers. "Sweats and a t-shirt okay?"

"Perfect, thanks."

Olivia put the clothing on her bed and closed the drawer. "I'm going to get some dinner started if you want to go ahead and change." Casey nodded and Olivia walked out of her room, closing the door behind her to give Casey some privacy.

Casey's eyes wandered around Olivia's room taking in all the knickknacks and studying the few pictures attached to her mirror. As she reached for the hem of her shirt, she heard her phone start to ring. She picked it up and her stomach bottomed out when she saw Bailey's name across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?"

Casey frowned, surprised by the anger in Bailey's voice. "I left, just like you asked."

"Jesus Christ, Casey – you need to get a backbone. I never wanted you to leave, you just made me mad is all."

"You yelled at me, you –."

"Whatever. Come home."

"Bailey -."

"I'll see you soon." Casey stared at the phone when Bailey hung up. She looked over at Olivia's clothing sitting on the bed and for a moment she thought about throwing her cell phone out the window, changing into Olivia's clothing, and sitting down to dinner. The indescribable pull Bailey had on her made her lose that vision and she put her cell phone back in her pocket and walked out the door.

"Olivia?"

"In the kitchen." Casey rounded the corner and saw a pot of water on the stove and Olivia making garlic bread.

"I hate to do this to you, but… someone called and they have my keys. I can go home."

"Oh." Olivia's eyes showed her disappointment as she put down the butter knife.

"I'm really sorry. You went to all this trouble and you offered me your apartment…"

"No, I understand." Casey looked sad and Olivia stepped out of the kitchen closer to her. "Are you okay?"

Casey faked a smile. "Yeah, fine. Thanks again. I should get going."

"Yeah, okay. Well… I'll see you at work."

Olivia stood in her living room, eyes unable to move as she watched Casey shut the door behind her. She replayed their exchange in her mind, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Casey seemed so upset and Olivia, for all her training as a detective, was clueless as to why. Determined to not let Casey walk out of her life like that, Olivia opened the door hoping the ADA hadn't gotten a cab yet.

Casey stepped out of Olivia's building, her breathing erratic from trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. She looked to the side and gasped seeing Bailey standing on the sidewalk. The woman stood with her arms crossed in front of her, lacking the apologetic look that normally followed their fights.

Completing the walk down Olivia's steps, Casey walked toward Bailey. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought you'd be at home."

Bailey didn't move. "I knew you'd be here," she said softly, anger lacing her voice. "We have a disagreement and you rush to your mistress?"

"Bailey… Olivia is not my mistress." Casey was attempting calm, but Bailey's comment was unraveling her act quickly. "And it wasn't a disagreement: you kicked me out. What was I supposed to do?"

"Wait for me! You knew I wasn't serious!" Bailey sighed in frustration. "Let's go, Casey. You've embarrassed me enough today." When Casey didn't immediately move to follow her, the older woman grabbed Casey's arm, causing her to cry out in surprise and pain.

That was the moment Olivia stepped out onto her steps. "Casey?" she called out. Having heard Casey yelp, she looked around and quickly found the two women a few steps from her front door. "Hey!" She hurried down the steps, curing the fact that she didn't have her gun.

Seeing Olivia walking toward them, Bailey smiled wickedly. "Your knight in shinning armor is here," she said only loud enough for Casey to hear.

"What's going on here?" Olivia demanded. She wanted to stare down the woman with Casey's arm in her hand, but her eyes immediately went to Casey looking for answers of a different sort. When she recognized Bailey, her eye brows furrowed. "Bailey? What the hell are you doing?!"

"I'm taking my girlfriend home, detective," Bailey responded. She threw the word out casually, but Olivia and Casey both heard it; Casey had effectively been outted. Bailey feigned surprise and guilt. She turned to Olivia's surprised face. "Oh, I'm sorry! She didn't tell you?"

"Casey…" Olivia said softly.

Emotions running wild, Casey's eyes filled with tears, terrified of Olivia's reaction and feeling betrayed by Bailey. "Please, Olivia," Casey started, her voice cracking. "Just go back inside."

"Well, there you go," Bailey said. "We'll just be going then."

Olivia's eyes didn't leave Casey's. "If you need… I mean, if there's anything…"

Bailey rolled her eyes and pulled on Casey's arm, breaking the look Casey and Olivia were sharing. Olivia's brain told her to follow, told her Casey wasn't safe, but her heart was desperately trying to connect the dots.

&&&&&

Casey walked into the apartment she shared with Bailey, her eyes scanning the apartment. Something didn't sit right with her. The apartment lacked a warmth that filled Olivia's home. She began to realize that the hour she spent at her friend's apartment was more fulfilling than all the time spent living with Bailey.

Watching Bailey slip out of her shoes and walk over to the bottles of liquor sent a chill up her spine. She noticed a glass was already sitting out and wondered how many drinks she had before making her appearance at Olivia's.

Bailey sipped at her vodka drink and looked at Casey with lifted eye brows. "Are you going to come in or just stand in front of the door all night?" Her voice had changed and she was the carefree woman Casey had fallen in love with all those years ago. Casey took two stepped further into the apartment but didn't say anything. She suddenly felt like a stranger in her own home, but every inch of the apartment was familiar.

Casey stood where Bailey had thrown and smashed a vase against the wall not too long ago. A few feet to her left, in the kitchen, Bailey had gone on a rampage through the cupboards and fridge. She was convinced Casey was fat and got rid of everything with more than 100 calories and got rid of all the beverages except their water pitcher and the alcohol. At the table, Bailey had thrown a stack of papers and files off the table when she felt Casey didn't spend enough time with her.

The living room was the setting for their most recent fight. A night of promised passion turned into a fight sending Casey out. The doorway of the hallway leading to their bedroom was where Bailey slapped Casey for the first time. She had no idea what their fight had been about.

Her mind turned to their bedroom where they had shared uncountable intimate nights together. That is, except the night after Casey had eaten lunch with Olivia when Bailey had –

Casey's mind refused to continue along that line of thought, determined not to acknowledge what had happened.

Bailey drained her glass and smiled over at Casey while pouring herself a refill. Casey plastered a smile on her face, attempting to stop her eyes from her scanning of the apartment. The silence that filled the room allowed Casey to hear the light rain pelt the windows of the living room. It was rhythmic and she became so lost in her thoughts she didn't even notice Bailey had crossed the room to her.

Casey jumped when she felt Bailey's hand on her face. The older woman let out a soft laugh. "I'm so glad you're home." She leaned in and gave Casey a quick kiss. "Why don't we head into the bedroom and…" She raised her eyebrows to punctuate what she was trying to say.

After a moment's pause, Casey smiled. "Right behind you," she said softly.

Bailey laced her fingers through Casey's, leading her down the short hallway to their bedroom. Once they entered the room, Bailey took her hand from Casey's and placed it on the ADA's back. Her other hand held onto the tumbler still filled with vodka.

Like a dance Casey had performed a million times before, she responded to the kiss Bailey placed on her lips. Bailey pulled back slightly, her lips next to Casey's ear. "No one will ever love you like I do." She pressed her body into Casey's enough to urge the woman to walk backwards toward the bed. Casey found the edge next to the bedside table and sat down, Bailey's body quickly straddling her lap. Hands began to roam and Bailey reached over and placed her glass onto the small table next to the lamp exuding soft light.

Bailey pushed Casey back and gave her room to scoot her body up onto the bed. Balancing herself on one hand, Bailey slipped her right hand under Casey's shirt and began kissing her again. Not wasting any time, Bailey began to unbutton Casey's pants and snaked her fingers under her underwear. Casey's body arched at the contact and as she lifted her leg to wrap it around Bailey's body, her foot knocked into the bedside table. Bailey's glass fell off the table and shattered on the ground.

The feel of Bailey's fingers on her center in conjunction with the smashed glass caused her muscles to clench and she froze. She flashed back to the night her arm got sprained. It came back with horrific clarity and realization hit her like a tone of bricks.

"Stop," Casey said, attempting to regain control. Bailey continued what she was doing, Casey's voice disappearing into nothing. "Stop!" Casey began to fight the weight of Bailey's body.

Bailey looked up and grabbed Casey's wrists before they could do any damage to her. "Casey, what's wrong?"

Casey was in complete panic mode and she began to hyperventilate. "Stop!" she gasped out. "Stop! I can't –."

Bailey pinned Casey's wrists to the bed. "You love it…" she said with a kiss to Casey's neck.

"No!" Casey put all her weight into her arms and shoved against Bailey's grip. This sent the unsuspecting woman to the floor of the bedroom. Casey curled up on the bed trying to get her breathing back to normal and get away from Bailey.

Bailey stood up from the floor smoothing out her hair. "I don't know what is wrong with you, but I am so tired of having to deal with your drama." Casey continued to shake, but slowly sat up to meet Bailey's gaze. "You are a piece of shit, Casey Novak. I don't know why I ever wasted any time on you." She spun on her heels and walked into their bathroom. Less than a minute later, the sound of the shower running filled the apartment.

A few minutes passed before Casey realized where she was and what had happened. She looked around, suddenly in a hurried panic to be anywhere be in that bedroom. It only took a fraction of a second before she picked up the phone and dialed the number she had memorized.

"Benson."

"Olivia?" Casey cursed her voice for shaking like it did.

"Casey, what's wrong?"

"Can you pick me up?" She knew she had at least forty minutes before Bailey would walk out of the bathroom.

"Of course. What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Just… just hurry." She didn't want to answer any more questions and hung up the phone.

Casey stood up from the bed and surveyed the room. She buttoned her pants and walked over to the closet. Moving quickly, she pulled out a suitcase and began to fill it.

Olivia pulled up in front of Casey's building thirty minutes later, jumping out of the car and running up the stairs through the falling rain. Casey buzzed her into the building and she took the stairs two at a time to Casey's apartment. She didn't even have to knock before Casey opened the door.

Olivia's eyes were wide with panic as she quickly looked Casey up and down. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Casey gave her a small smile. "I'll tell you later, I just need to go."

Not liking the answer, but accepting it, Olivia nodded and followed Casey back into the apartment. She heard the shower running and quickly surveyed the living room. "Is Bailey here?" Casey nodded as she disappeared into the bedroom. She was gone for longer than a few minutes and Olivia decided to walk down the hallway. Casey was shutting a suitcase when she walked in, but something caught the corner of her eye. She looked over and saw the broken glass next to the bed. "Casey… what happened here?"

"Please, can we not do this?"

Olivia watched Casey move with slow and sad movements. "I want to know what happened. I want to help. Did Bailey do something to you?" It was the fact that she didn't answer that made Olivia's chest tighten. Why had she let Bailey and Casey walk away from her apartment? "You know I can help you. Just tell me what happened."

Casey turned from the suitcase and her eyes latched on to Olivia's. After a silent moment of reassuring comfort, Casey took a deep breath. "She raped me," she whispered.

Extended Author's Note: If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) – it's not your fault, there is help, and it happens to people regardless of sex, race, disability, religion, or sexual orientation. For further information, please visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline website. /PSA