Author's notes: I really didn't need to add this segment to A Hand To Pull the Trigger, but I dunno. I just wanted to make a happy-ish ending. (And close a few holes.) I advise you read A Hand To Pull the Trigger first before you attempt to read this or else you won't get it. Congrats to Lyrical-Luff to making the closest guess as to what happened to Demyx. As to what this means: don't worry about it. You'll find out soon enough.

Another note that's VERY IMPORTANT: I wrote this story in a way where it jumps around a lot. If it's too complicated…well…I guess I'm sorry but I just wanted to make this different. It skips around A LOT! From future to past and past to future and not in nice even skips. I there's even skips of large amounts of years. But don't be alarmed. I wrote this to my best potential where you can figure it out. (That's so bohemian like me: making things like a puzzle.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, but I do own the city they live in. (although the city they live in is not mentioned…hmm…)

WARNING: This is probably even worse than A Hand To Pull the Trigger because I think it's a lot more violent and there is some mature stuff about it.

Enjoy and review!


My Life After Your Death

"Hey," I called. The silver haired teen looked up at me and grinned. He got up on his feet from his resting spot under the tree. The senior was significantly taller than me, due to my freshman age.

"Hey," he replied, standing there, just smiling at me. Of course, I was smiling back at him, too.

"So, how was your day?" I asked, trying to make small talk.

His hand came up and ran through my hair, roughly. "Excellent," he growled. I forgot he doesn't like small talk.

"Oops, sorry," I apologized as I closed my eyes, waiting for him to take over like he always does.


"Open up, sweetie," cooed a woman with blonde hair, that resembled my own, spoon feeding me soup. "You have to eat to regain your strength." I took the soup in but spit it out. The woman sighed and put the bowl and spoon to the side. "Fine," she sighed, placing her hands in her lap and looking down at them, "Roxas, you have to eat. Your father and I have been so worried about you," she looked up, tears appearing in her green eyes. Her hand went up and touched my scarred cheek. "We just want what's best for you." She leaned forward and planted a kiss on my forehead before taking the soup out of my room.

Or, I think it's my room.


"Shit," my friend pulled away and grabbed for his cell phone in his back pocked. "What?!" He hissed as he answered it. I could hear a high-pitched whining coming from the phone. My head leaned on the tree behind me as I waited for the conversation to finish. "Now? But, it's Friday!" His face changed to a disgusted one, "so I guess that means I'm entitled to take you out every Friday?" He sighed and hung up. "Bitch."

"Was it Kairi?" He nodded and returned to his original position: on top of me, forcefully pushing his lips against mine. It's not that I don't like this, he just likes to be in control. "Don't you have to go?" I asked as his face dove for my neck. He groaned and pulled away.

"Yes, I guess." He pouted and guilt swam over me.

"I'm sorry," I leaned in and gave a peck on his nose. "You know you have to go. She'll find out."

"You're right," he got up and pulled me up with him. "Well, I'll see you on Monday."

"Okay." I picked up my stuff and began to walk away. I could hear him walking away toward the student parking lot. My head craned around, wanting to see him one more time. His light-blue eyes were looking at my sea-blue eyes. In perfect synchronization, we both stopped and walked back to the tree. We didn't stop moving, he grabbed my face and I threw my arms around him. We didn't say anything but our good-byes with a kiss.

This is our secret.


"What the hell? Who the hell are you?" I scrutinized a child on my chest, sucking on a baby-blue popsicle. He was wearing sunglasses and a sleeveless shirt which told me it was summer.

He pulled the popsicle out and smiled at me, a bluish tint on his teeth. "I'm Sora," replied the brown-haired kid.

"Umm…how old are you?" It was hard to talk to someone wearing reflective sunglasses that made it feel like you were talking to a mirror.

I'm sixteen. I'm a junior in high school.

Sora lifted up two fingers in a shape of a 'V.' "I'm two!"

"Where are your parents?"

My dad left when I was young, and my mother has some asshole of a boyfriend.

"I dunno," he shrugged his shoulders. "Who are you?"

"I'm Roxas." I gently pushed off the boy so I could sit up. It was hard to; my legs wouldn't work at all. Maybe I was just lazy.

"Sora!" A familiar woman's voice rang cheerfully through the hall to this room.

"Sorry, Roxas! Mommy's calling me!" Sora gave me another grin and pulled off his sunglasses. Through his naïve, jovial, sea-blue eyes; behind the carefree youth of a child; inside this child, pure of soul and innocence: I knew I was looking into my own eyes of the good days long passed.


"Where the hell were you?" asked a voice from the couch, idly stroking his wrist with his fingertips, awaiting my return. The sun was at the edge of the horizon; the walls bathed in crimson light. It felt like everything on was the edge: about to snap at the slightest movement.

Oh, how he lives to be at the edge of life and death, bathed in crimson.

"S-sorry. I-I was with a f-fr-friend." I replied, shaking in the middle of summer and sweating like a pig.

Why do I have to hide things? I'm the best friend he's got.

"Which friend?" asked the blonde.

I threw down his backpack and headed for the kitchen. "Uh…Riku."

"This 'Riku' again?" I've been hanging out with this friend for a past few weeks. It's imperative that no one knows what we do.

Especially him.

The blue-eyed fiend, still on the couch, scanned me; observed me like an animal.

"Yeah." I reached for a glass from the cupboard and opened the refrigerator door. The monster got up and closed it, leaning on the door.

"You know, you've been hanging around this kid for a while. If he's that cool, why can't I meet him?" He gave me his signature smile, hoping to seem innocent enough to be given information. I stepped back, shocked. Fearful of what he might possibly know.

When he smiles, he tends to scare people, rather than welcoming them.

"Roxas, have you been taking your medicine?"


"A little closer, Roxas." I take a few steps closer to the man who, unfortunately, saved my life. I should be at his knees, begging for worthiness, stepping into fire to save my life.

Only my life.

And, I should be at his knees begging for forgiveness, for cursing him so. Cursing him ever since I was a child; scarred by loneliness. I wish I could blame him for my suffering of being 'invisible,' but it's my own fault for not fixing it. I should be apologizing.

That is, apologizing to my father.

"Good job! Keep this work and you'll be able to walk without gripping to the walls for dear life," he joked. I wish I could hate him but I can't. He's my dad. He was the firefighter that was in his apartment building that night I tried to kill myself with him. He found our fire and put it out, leaving him with the scar across his face and his son. (And I guess he got his ex-wife remarried to him, as well) He, my dad, Squall, or as he likes to be called: Leon, is still fighting fires to save other people's lives. Switching their lives around, putting them on the right track. In a way, I admire him.

He picked the greater of the two evils.

Thanks, dad

not.

Ever since I woke up, I've felt nothing but unhappiness. Without him, I'm just as lonely as I was before I met him. My inability to walk will soon be fixed, and I will find a way to get back to him.

"Oh, please baby, don't forget me."

The low rumble of a bass and techno noises came from the other room. I stopped attempting to walk and opened my ears.

"My body may be gone but my soul is still here."

It was so much different than I remembered. "Dad, what's that music?"

"Nothing, just some new song. Is it bothering you? I can get your mother to turn it off." Before he could do anything, the song went away, replaced by a debate between two political figures. I stumbled toward the living room, going as fast as I could. My dad ran up to my side and tried to slow me down. My legs may have been weak but my arms were strong enough to push him off.

"Go back to that channel," I order to my mom." She looks up at my but doesn't question me as she picks up the remote.

"Even if you ignore me, the memory is still there."

My eyes become fixed onto the screen as I watched a music video featuring, yet another, familiar face. My knees give out and I fall to the floor, tears flowing down my cheeks. At the same time, I began to laugh. As to why, I don't know. My soul needed some laughter.


"Medicine, medicine," he sang, rolling his eyes. "WHY DO I NEED IT?! NOTHING'S WRONG WITH ME!" His mood did a full 180, flipping to the dark side of him that I hated.

I stepped back and reached for the phone on the wall. He slapped my hand away and pinned me on the floor. He was too close to me. The closeness I only appreciated with Riku. "Get off," I coughed.

"Little brother," he cooed, his face next to mine. His hot breath against my neck sent chills down my spine. I wanted to scream but I have to tolerate it. "Don't be afraid, I just want to ask you a little favor."

"Please, no," I whimpered, trying to get away. Roxas's teeth chomped down on my ear, causing me to scream. "STOP!!"

"Now that I have your attention, help me, Sora. You know what I want." I began to cry. I'm not afraid to. Brothers weren't supposed to act like this. If I ever knew the man that made him this way, I would kill him, even though he's already dead.

"Roxas, I beg you, please don't make me do it. I couldn't stop it last time." My sobbing increased, hoping he would see the error in his ways.

"Aw, poor Sora, too scared to help his brother. Fine, I won't make you do it." I stopped crying and looked up at him, his cynical smile wasn't too convincing. "I'll just tell mom and dad what you're doing with Riku." The way he said 'Riku' made my blood boil with jealousy. We weren't official to the world but I still felt ownership over him, and vice-versa.

"How did you know about us? I was so sure I kept it a secret."

"Because," he leaned to my ear and gave it a sinful lick, "you just told me."

"YOU BASTARD!" I fiercely tried to whip away from him. I'm so sick of him.

Dad, why did you spare him?


"You're awake! Finally, Roxas! I was getting really worried." My favorite mullet-boy pulled up a chair to my bed.

"So, you're a big rock star now."

"Yup!"

"You'll have to tell me how you pulled this one off."

He took a deep breath and began to blabber on, "well, I did my usual routine and went to the coffee house and played after I recovered. And wouldn't you believe it? Reno was there looking for-"

"Not that, the fire. How'd you get out of it?"

"Oh, that." He began to laugh. "You and Axel, I swear, you two are one in the same. You guys didn't even bother to wait for me. Your dad saved my life. He ran up there with a bunch of guys and pulled me out. Funny thing though, your dad asked me if I knew anyone I could go to and I gave him your names. He went out to look for you guys but you told him you didn't know me." Demyx looked at me accusingly.

"Sorry about that. Axel was so upset, I just wanted that guy to leave us alone." I looked down, ashamed.

" 'That guy,' your father, is a hero. You're so lucky." He reached over and put his hand on mine. I looked at it. A silver band was snug around his ring finger.

"You're married?" I did a double take at him, looking at the ring and back at him. I chuckled, "I thought Namine was the only girl for you."

Demyx looked back at me and smiled, "she is." I grinned at him like an idiot until I remembered that Namine died. The rock star began to laugh at my face as it morphed to confusion, "you should see the look on your face. It's priceless!"

"B-but, but…"

"I'm not married but this is as good as it gets," he brought the ring up to his face so he could examine it. He face turned soft as he spoke, "it's a couple's ring for…"

"Oh. My. God." He looked up and laughed some more. "I hate to burst your bubble but I am so confused."

"You always were, blondie," he snickered. "You remember the night of the fire, when I went to visit Xigbar? I convinced him to stay with us."

I continued to gawk at him. "That's why…oh my god," I slapped my forehead, thinking of the distraught Demyx with his shirt backwards and his pants unzipped.

"Is something wrong?" Demyx asked.

"No, this is really shocking," I nervously laughed, letting my hand slide down my face. "So, you two happy together?"

"More than ever!" My eyes met with his and I painfully smiled.

Why does my life just plain suck?


Roxas had to drag me to the bathroom. When we got to the sparkling room, he pushed me down to the floor. He pulled off his shirt and leaned over the bathtub, holding out his arm where the cut was. "Roxas, please," I begged, "don't do this. What's the point? You aren't really killing yourself."

"Not this time, Sora. This time, we're doing it." He looked over at me, his eyes full of determination. He really wanted to die. "Get the razor." I reached inside the medicine cabinet with shaky hands and went over to the bathtub with him. "This time, do it really deep." He lifted his arm and I placed the blade over the previous cut. The blonde licked his lips, desiring the blade against his wrist. "Hurry, I can't live another moment without him."

"No, I can't do this." I jumped away and dropped the blade to be only pulled back to the bathtub, this time my head over the bathtub rim. My neck pushed up against the edge, choking me. "Stop," I gasped.

Roxas leaned in, close to my face, watching me suffocate. My flailing arms tried to push him off but the sixteen year older man was too strong for me. "Sora, this is what I want: suffering. Death so close I can taste it." He picked up the razor from the floor and brought it close to my face. "Better stop struggling," he smirked, bringing the blade slowly across my cheek. I stopped moving and winced as it went across. "Now, how did that feel?"

"Scary," I gasped. He loosed his grip on me, allowing me to breathe. "Please don't do it again," I sobbed.

"It can stop if you just do as I say."

"Fine, you win." He let me go and I took the blade from him. Roxas had an evil grin across his face as I placed the blade over the wound that never heals. I closed my eyes before making the first incision.


Perfect scenery: dark, ominous, stormy skies, clean, alone. The most perfect time to end it all and no one would know. The knife I got from the kitchen was on my protruding vein, ready to cut. Sitting in the middle of my room, I licked my lips.

Axel, I'm going to see you. Just wait a little longer as the blood drains.

"Roxas?" I looked up to see a child in his pajama's standing at my door. I had left it ajar so my parents could see my blood without opening the door. Yet, my plans have been foiled by a two-year-old.

"Sora, what are you doing up," I can't help to hide the knife away at my side and open my arms, allowing him a place to run to. He obliged and fell into my embrace.

"I got scared. The lighting scares me," he sobbed.

"Hey, don't cry. It'll go away," I ruffled his chestnut hair. "Don't be scared." I lifted him and sought to bring him back to his room, so I could continue my business."Here you go, little buddy." I placed him in his bed, and brought the blanket over him. "Now, go to sleep." I tried to rush out of the room but Sora wouldn't let go.

"Please, stay, I'm scared." I sighed and sat on the bed next to him.

"Fine," he smiled," but only for a little bit."

We sat there, waiting out the storm so the child would sleep. After twenty minutes, I resolved to laying down with him. I got under the blanket, pulling my brother close to me. He winced every time lightning struck, resulting in me bringing him closer to my body.

What am I doing? I should be cutting my veins. Not snuggling with a child!

I looked down at Sora: his eyes were closed and he was snuggled against my chest. I took a gamble and assumed he was asleep. My legs went out of the bed first before the rest of me. Sadly, he wasn't asleep yet. "Roxas, why did you have that knife?"

I was trying to kill myself.

What the hell? I couldn't say that. "I was trying to see someone." His eyes opened.

"Who?"

"Someone I miss very much."

"Where did they go?"

I struggled to find words to make it easier for the child to understand, "he went…far away."

"Why did he leave?"

This question made me hate my father, but I had not time for that. An answer was needed and fast, "he was tired of living here. He wanted to go some where new."

"Why didn't you go with him?"

"I tired but dad didn't let me."

"Why not?"

"I dunno, Sora. Now, go to bed. I'm going to go see him." I got out of the bed and went back to my room. The blade still sat there, inviting me to take it and gouge myself with it. I took up the invitation and prepared to sever the vein.

"Roxas?" Again, the child came back. "I got scared again." Tears began to flow out of my eyes. My moods were traveling on an emotional roller coaster like his did.

"What is it?" I hissed at him.

"Why are you crying?" Sora began to sob too. I tried to stop my tears but they were uncontrollable. And soon, Sora's was too.

"Sora," I dropped the knife and opened my arms, letting him hop on once again. We cried into each other's shoulders. "I'm so sorry," I apologized, fiercely kissing his forehead and cheek.

Sorry, Axel, looks like our time together will be delayed for some time. As long as this child needs me, my brother, I will remain here, looking after him, making sure he doesn't go the same path I went on. I'm sorry, but wait for me.


Roxas forcefully pulled away, "you know what? Stop." I looked up at him with a confused look, but at the same time thankful that I didn't have to do this.

Great, another female-like mood change.

"Why?"

But maybe for the best.

"This isn't right." He backed away from me and picked up his shirt, putting it back on. "Go, go to Riku, or whatever. I don't need you."

Although it was a good thing, it was still painful, like a knife in the back, "Roxas, I don't understand." He walked away and went to the living room. I dropped the razor and followed. "Roxas!" I called out, "tell me what's going on!"

He plopped onto the couch and put his feet up, relaxing. I stood on the other side of the room, arms crossed, examining him. The blonde patted the couch, inviting me to sit. I sat down next to him as his blue eyes examined my face. "You're still so young."

I rolled my eyes, "duh, I'm only fourteen." His hand came up and stroked my face. I quivered at his touch in fear that he would hurt me again.

"I'm sorry, Sora," he apologized. "I did it again."

I cocked an eyebrow, "did what?"

He sighed and kept his hands to himself, "I promised myself, many years ago that I wouldn't try to kill myself as long as you were a child."

"Okay, I don't think I'm that young," I interrupted.

Roxas looked me in the eye, never adverting his gaze, sitting up. "It doesn't matter how old you turn, you will always be a child to me, little brother." He ruffled my hair and pulled me in, embracing me. "You don't deserve my past. I'm so sorry, Sora..."

I hugged him back. This was the way siblings were to act. Tears slid down my bleeding cheek as I felt hot tears fall onto my shoulder. For that moment of time, we forgot everything: our parents, our fall outs, the abuse, the pain, everything. We lived in that moment with the purest of thoughts wanting nothing but change. "It's ok, Roxas."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

I don't know who you are, sir, but I'm going to keep him a little longer.

"You're my brother…of course I can forgive you."


There! All done! I hope that was enjoyable. Answered some things, didn't it? I hope so. Anything else I missed: oops. I'm really tired, to tell the truth. I finished this at like 4 am, so maybe the ending might be lacking. Thanks to all who read and reviewed and such. I'm a go to bed. Good night!

Also, an author alert wouldn't hurt. I can promise more to come! Thanks!

Please review!

Lady of the Cards