Without her

Severus sat by the wall and thought about everything that had happened in the last year. He still remembered the first time he saw Lily walking in the sunlight, laughing at something that her friend had told her. Then she looked at his way for a few seconds and their eyes locked. Sooner than he would have liked, she walked away, and she left him alone again, as everyone usually did. Yet didn't think it was anything special. The only matter he thought that he didn't see the usual mockery in her eyes that everyone else gave him. That was somehow encouraging and surprising. But, as he knew that he would never be worth of her company, he pushed the feeling off as soon as it came.

Still, he was looking forward to learning more about that Dark Lord his parents assured that would help him to take revenge on everyone around him that had treated him badly. He had never found anyone else that would be helping him to that degree, like that Dark Lord would do. Everyone else but his parents was just teasing, mocking or ignoring him most of the time. He was happy that he had found someone like the Dark Lord to follow, and he could hardly wait for the torture – school – to end. For once, he had something to look forward to, and he liked that feeling.

It had been a while since he hadn't seen, not even thought about that one girl, but then something surprising happened. He had been walking in the grounds when someone sent a spell his way and, before he realized, he was as blind as a bat. He swore aloud at that but the only that changed was that, suddenly, his mouth was full of soap. He retched the soap out, but it seemed that it would never stop coming. As he was still gagging on the ground, he heard some high-pitched yelling around him. After a while, he heard James and some girl fighting around him and, as it ended, every detail came into sight at once. As soon as he noticed the soap was no longer coming from his mouth, he gazed around him suspiciously. The first person he saw was the very same girl again, standing beside him and looking concerned about something.

Would it really be for him? That wasn't making any sense… Why would she be concerned about him? He managed to mutter a "thanks", and for a moment, they just stared at each other. He tried to fight against that he didn't turn red, as he'd realized in that precise moment the person beside him just happened to be that one girl who didn't despise him like everyone else. He knew he was way too vulnerable at the moment, and his only thought was to just get away so he wouldn't humiliate himself any further than he had done already. Now she wouldn't want to see him again, and he did not want to lose his face in front of the few people that weren't looking down to him. Nervously, he said goodbyes and dashed away.

After that he found himself looking her way once in a while, and many times he even found her looking back. He had no idea why, but that got his heart pounding at that rate that it was currently beating. He knew that people were thinking that he was just a weird oddball and, unfortunately, he knew that was too true. He tried to tell himself that she was like anyone else, but that was no longer working, and he found himself longing to see her again and again. He had no idea why, but he longed to be in her company. He didn't know what he wanted to talk to her about, not even why. He found himself trying to get glimpses of her every so often, though he knew he would never have real chances to get to know her. Nobody ever wanted to be around him, so why would she?

For a while, they were glancing at each other when nobody saw them doing that. Morever sometimes when he saw her walking near him, he steered his way so he'd touch her body just a bit mock accidentally. He found that kind of things so satisfying that he tried to do it once in a while as it made him feel that he was actually feeling fine for a once, as redundant as it sounds. He'd excepted her to avoid him, especially now, but she was doing none of that to his astonishment, and a warm feeling was filling his insides all the time now. It was the first time he was questioning if bowing before the Dark Lord was really worth it as he'd been thinking for so long. But if he dared to say any of that to his parents, they wouldn't take it all that well. He wouldn't be able to claim that she'd been there with him or anything like that either. It was just his dream, and he knew it would never actually happen. He had long ago learnt not to believe in his own dreams, as the real world wasn't as perfect.

After some time they met once again, but they were alone in the corridor at this time, and they just looked at each other's eyes in such an assessing way. He saw her approaching him slowly, and— he couldn't believe it— she pressed her lips against his so quickly and disappeared as fast after that. He remained there, standing for a long while, since his legs were rooted to the spot as he thought what had just happened. It made him feel so much better and that warmed his heart greatly. For first time ever, he was certain that he hadn't made the best decision when he'd agreed to join the Dark Lord's group. Now it was hard to back off, at least if he wanted to remain alive. Whatever… but he felt livelier now than he'd felt in his life. Lily cared about him, although maybe just a bit, but that was enough for him. It lit his mood so much that he even forgot that all the others were still teasing him and that others were still keeping him far from their worlds still. He couldn't remember the time that his fellow students would have taken his company well. A good reason wanting to be alone… not anymore.

Since that passing moment of joy, he found himself following her even more closely than before. However, he learnt some disgusting during his following operations. He noticed the Potter prat was talking to her way too often. It made him feel incredibly disappointed, though he knew he wasn't himself dating Lily or anything at all. It was just something… something between them, like some tacit agreement to care for the other. He tried to forget his feelings and he succeeded pushing that back for some time. A summer came and it was a really despising summer at that. He was glad to be back at Hogwarts after it ended. It was not as if his parents were that bad, but the fact that he'd been prodded unceasingly to join the Dark Lord's ranks for a whole summer. Earlier he hadn't seen anything bad in it, but now… he was not at all keen in it anymore. Just tell that to his parents…

Once he was back at school and again exploring the castle hallways, he came across with something surprising. There was Lily, crying in the bathroom's corner. He tried to turn away, but something was keeping him glued to the floor, until she noticed him standing there. She nodded slowly as she looked at him with her bloodshot eyes. He just couldn't leave her there like that! He entered the bathroom hesitantly and sat down beside her. He tensed a bit when she leaned at his side. Now it was he who was gazing at the sad girl and wanting to kiss her… A bit better and for longer this time. Her green eyes were so beautiful… She looked up, and their eyes locked again. Soon, they were already kissing so passionately. After a while, Lily started to talk to him about her problem.

How weird that they had hardly spoken at all so far and now… they were speaking as if they were old friends. She told vaguely how her parents were interfering idiots that all they did was go over what was "the best" for her, and how that "best" included in their wanting her to marry Potter. Why couldn't they see just how idiot that before mentioned boy could be? She had just run off from Potter after a fight. It was then that he noticed that she was keeping her hand somewhat suspiciously still. A closer look revealed a rather nasty bruise starting to show. That made him incredible angry, and only the fact that she was there crying and in need of comfort was keeping him from running up to Potter and showing him how to behave. He listened her talking and crying for a while, and they would have talked for longer if they hadn't heard someone approaching. They were unlucky and he heard a knack outside the bathroom and instantly the happy chattering filled the corridor near them. So he whispered that they'd speak later again and slipped away from the place, unnoticed to everyone in the corridors.

Later that day, he got a message where Lily asked him to come to the North tower at seven o'clock that day. When they met, they were enjoying each other's company and speaking of superficial matters at first. A bit later, they became more serious again and spoke about where they were going and how they should go on. After a long talk, they settled that they should meet secretly, always. Her parents were very serious with their ridiculous idea of her marrying Potter as soon as she graduated from Hogwarts. Moreover, if they got the slightest hint that she wasn't going along with that plan, they'd only take her away from Hogwarts. That certainly got the rise up with him, and he was beginning to hate Potter slowly more and more. In the end, they made one especially long kiss before they departed to their respective common rooms. Now he knew that he didn't want to join to the Dark Lord any longer, but he was expected to do that no matter if he wanted or not. He didn't let that bother his day just then, when everything else was going so well. At night he was dreaming about going to the beach with Lily and having tons of fun there. He was a bit disappointed when he woke up in the morning and realized that it had been nothing but a dream.

So things went on and their feelings started to grow and got a stronger hold at the same time as Potter was becoming annoyingly possessive of her, and she wasn't taking it all that well. She just hated him and was yearning for her secret boyfriend's company, where she could feel comfortable and protected, which Potter would never give her. She had tried talking to her parents, but it went to deaf ears when she tried to tell them how Potter was so bloody impossible. The only that registered with her parents brains was that James was from a respectable pureblood family, and she should be happy to marry the heir of a family like that! Not every witch got to find a suitable pureblood spouse.

Too quickly, the seventh year at Hogwarts ended and they found themselves having to say good-bye as if they would never find a way to keep in touch. She knew she would be forced to marry James as soon as they left Hogwarts, and she wasn't looking forward to that any more than he did. Nor did he at that when he thought about how he was going to be marked as soon as he left Hogwarts.

During their last night before leaving Hogwarts, they finally made love for the first and last time in their lives. Next morning, they were smiling at each other as they left the classroom where their surrogate bed had been. She removed that bed with a flick of her wand, and both of them made an oath that they'd find a way to keep in touch.

When he got home, his dad was already waiting for him happily. Unfortunately, the reason of his father happiness was not just the mere sight of his son, but the long-awaited opportunity to take him to the Dark Lord. He had known that he was expected to take the Mark, and if he didn't do that, he'd been dead in a blink. So, he allowed his dad to do what was necessary and took the Mark. He dreamed about Lily every night and he feared for her. How was she doing if she was already married to that idiot Potter?

Some weeks later, he was being educated with Dark Curses already, and one night he got a letter. She was already married to that idiot, and on top of things, she was pregnant. A smile spread on his face as he read the next line: "James cannot know that the day the child was conceived was one before we left Hogwarts." For a moment, he was thinking all the curses he would use on Potter as soon as he got a chance. Next moment, his heart was overwhelmed with the joy that was to be a father of the son she carried. James certainly didn't deserve that! Here he was, stuck in serving some delusional idiot whose only use of him was definitely not worth the life he could have living with Lily and his unborn child. He still wrote to Lily, but as he didn't want to endanger her and the baby, he didn't go further.

Time flew by and the boy was born. Lily had changed Harry's appearance to look more like James' so they wouldn't get in trouble. They kept on writing, and though neither of them was really happy about the way there were living, they could still bear their situation just for each other's sake. Some time later, when Severus was called by his Master again, they received the order of persuading as much people as they could to join their cause. One after another family got slaughtered and though he was hating it he kept his feelings inside.

After a while their new target was yet another couple of servants of the Light. They Apparated in front of the house without knowledge of where they were going once again. As soon as they got in, he realized where he was to his horror. He watched in utter terror how the Dark Lord killed James first, only to step over his inert body toward his darling. Voldemort even tried to kill his son, but something unexpected happened. The curse sped up toward the boy only to bounce off his little body and shoot back to Voldermort himself, killing him in the act. The other Death Eaters Disapparated a split of second later, but he… he just couldn't leave. He walked to where his son lay, crying, and took him in his hands. He was so tiny. He turned around to see Lily laying on the floor, the defiant expression still on her face. He gazed at the woman he loved and cried on her shoulders, snuggling in what remained of her warmth for the last time in his life. The last time had been just before they left Hogwarts… and now it was too late.

All of a sudden, someone popped into the room, but he was unaware of it at first. Not that Albus Dumbledore would really do that much noise at Apparating. He had no idea how long he stayed there with his head buried into Lily's lifeless body, crying his heart out. Only when he felt the hand on his shoulder, he jumped in fright and turned around. As he saw his old Headmaster and current boss, Albus Dumbledore. His heart started to beat extraordinary quickly, and he realized that he had just been caught in the scene of crime. He was there with his Death Eater outfit when two of the strongest fighters of the Light dead at his feet and "their" child in his hands.

However, though he expected to be arrested before he had chance to say anything, that was not the case. He didn't fight at all when Albus helped him to stand up and took him away. He was sure for a moment that he'd been taken to Ministry but, being honest, he didn't care any longer. He deserved that… He had been there in the same room where his darling had been murdered, and he had done noabout it. Of course, he would have been killed on the spot if he'd tried to intervene, but still, that was making him feel blameful.

He was puzzled when Albus allowed his son to come along with them, and soon he found himself in the Hogwarts Gates, following the Headmaster up to the castle. It was the last place he imagined he would visit that night, but his thoughts were elsewhere. The pain of being totally alone was burning him inside, and he only wanted to drop dead. Why should he live if Lily was there no more?

Soon, they were already in Dumbledore's office. It was quite unnerving when first thing Albus asked was if he fancied a lemon drop. His mouth fell open at that, and he actually took one just to buy time before the serious talk began. He was astonished to notice that no blame was on the old man's eyes. He was allowed to tell his story somewhat through his crying over the pain and the feeling of loss that overwhelmed his soul. He got to stay in Albus office for that night with his son, sleeping on the couch himself and the boy in a transfigured cot beside him.

The next day, he was a bit calmer, but only a bit. He was offered a place in the Light, as a spy. He knew there was only one answer. He agreed on that in the act! He had always been staying at the Dark Lord's side for safety reasons, as he couldn't back off any longer. If he could do any good by serving that monster, the murderer of his beloved, he'd do it with pleasure.

He'd been teaching Potions at Hogwarts earlier, but now it gave him the chance of staying with his son. A little Harry was all he had from Lily, and he'd raise the boy with the best he had to give. They also agreed to search Harry some other family so he could have somebody looking after him when need be. If the Dark Lord ever showed up again, he would be safe and ready to serve him again without any worries in order to fulfill his role as a spy.

Therefore, the plan went just as they meant it to be. He would never be able to get over the fact that his beautiful and only companion was dead, but he knew that he would take his revenge one day. He lived only for his son now.

The end!

How was it? What do you thought about it? Do tell me if I know how to write a

good romance/tragedy fic as being honest this is my first romance fic ever. : )

Now I promised to show the challenge conditions.

How good are you about writing a romance/tragedy story?

The prompt for this contest is this: write a story about

three characters, with two falling in love with one of

them. At least one character must die (you choose the

method of death).


(1) English only, please.

(2) Must be over 3,000 words.

(3) Only use Harry Potter characters (no originals).

(4) At least 4 entrances are needed in order to be


(5) If the rating is over PG, please give put up a


Do remember to click that little button down there and give me a review!