Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with the LOTR. I own Shauna and Emma. Well, I can't own Emma, considering she's me.

AN: If you've made it this far and haven't, either lost your mind or lost the plot completely. Well...congratulations, it's only gonna get crazier. Enter...the Orcs!

Boom Boom

"So... you're alone in Moria...Your partner took the weapon bag so you can't arm yourself...and the said human shield has abandoned you in favor of chasing down some Orcs. You're cold, alone, scared and unarmed in a small pitch black crevice at the bottom of a mine. What do you do?"

Shauna opened up the supplies and started eating some chocolate. She couldn't go anywhere and she'd learned working with Claire that panicking only made more problems. So she'd hide, let that bitch of partner kill all the Orcs and enjoy a little comfort while she could. Lord knows this might be the last thing she ever ate.

"Well, well, well...what's this? Looks like we founds ourselves a little play toy...what'd ya think boys?"

Shauna froze, empty wrapper in hand. Looking out into the darkness, trying to focus in the general direction the voices had originated. For a split second she thought they'd found Emma before her high I.Q kicked in, calmly alerting her to the fact that Emma wasn't anywhere near here and could pretty much handle herself. That and the fact that she could now feel a very jagged, sharp sword tapping her abdomen. Shauna was more than certain she was screwed.

"If I said I was a demon in disguise and you'd all die a gruesome horrific death unless you walked off right now...you wouldn't believe me would you?"

Shauna said this in a less than optimistic tone of voice. She, unsurprisingly, didn't get answer and the last thing Shauna felt was a fist impacting with her head. The world spun and her last thoughts before blackness where of decapitating a certain person, slowly, with a really blunt knife.


"Wake up!... I SAID WAKE UP!!"

Shauna was always the last to rise so when she simply rolled over and told the Orc to give her "five more minutes, please!!", she found herself on the receiving end of a nasty kick.

"Awake are we?"

Shauna sat up and nodded, all the while talking to herself.

"Oh yeah, just stay here... you'll be fine...psychotic, fucking bitch! That's the last time I listen to that crazy...OWW!!"

The Orc had heard enough of Shauna's ranting and planted a swift backhand across her face. It was obvious he wanted her full attention.

"Goin' to shut it are we...little fat Elf"

A now very confused Shauna became quietly contemplative. The Orc obviously had had dealings with Sue's before. He went straight in for the one thing he knew would set a girl off. Only problem that Shauna got caught on was the small fact that SHE WASN'T FAT!. Sure she loved food but she couldn't be fat...Could she?

The thought suddenly struck her that these Orcs where comparing her to a regular anorexic Sue. All the paranoia washed away and she let out a rather loud "ah ha...thank God". The Orc was looking at her in a whole new light, like she was deranged or diseased or something.

"You might want to reconsider your insults...and for your information... I'M NOT FAT!!!"

The Orc took a step back. With very little written intelligence and virtually no back story this Orc, with Shauna giving him the patented "glare of doom" she'd learned from the Sue slayer, couldn't figure out how to proceed. The early Erana had of course been captured by Orc's. The story had said that she'd arrived with no memory and no understanding of her own powers, had been captured by Orc's who instead of just killing her( like they would have been prone to do), they took her captive. Shauna had thought that that was ridiculous but now it was probably the only thing keeping her alive. This fundamental written part of the Orc mentality that meant keeping captives alive for a period of time until, of course, someone could rescue them. Of course Erana had been rescued by the fellowship on their unbelievably short journey through the Mines. Had Emma not portalled most of the way in the trip might have only taken hours, unfortunately neither knew where they where going. Moria was a bitch in Sue stories.

All this thinking was giving Shauna a headache. In the past twenty four hours she'd been hit in the head numerous times and had been forcd to run for her life. All in all it had been a shitty day.

A high pitched shriek resonated around the cavern before her thoughts could get any further. In the dim torch light she could make out a single Orc stumbling in the entrance.

"Skins...it's tooks the skins...ripped out the innards..."

The Orc promptly collapsed, blood spilling out of his mouth as his last words where gurgled.

"Demons...demon in the dark."

Shauna couldn't help but cringe and then smirk, then cringe some more with a few retching noises before finally bursting out laughing.

Every Orc in the place turned to her with what could only pass as horrified looks on their faces.

"I don't think I mentioned my friend...little crazy...quite dangerous!"

The obvious leader of this little pack snarled at Shauna before lunging and pulling her up by her hair. Shauna may have been just a little bit cocky but she was smart enough to be scared shitless.

"If you let me go I'll call it off...otherwise..."

Another scream echoed down one of the nearby corridors and the Orc flinched just a little. Shauna was the next to flinch as the Orc in question shoved a knife close to her face.

"You'll tell your friend to back off... or you die!"

Maybe Shauna had underestimated their intelligence. She just gulped dumbly as the knife began gently pricking the skin around her throat.

"Hmm...smart...maybe the Sue got something right after all."

The voice that broke the tension was hollowed out and very artificial but it was close and the Orc leader could tell. He ran the knife along Shauna's neck, drawing a little blood.

"Show yourself demon...I don'ts likes tricks!"

The voice let loose a loud shrill laugh, even Shauna felt the hairs on her neck stand up.

"I'm not here to trick you, I'm here because I need your help...because we need your help!"

Shauna couldn't help but let a small smile creep around her face. Even the Orc's roaring laughter couldn't take away from the fact Emma had just said "we".

"Why would we want to help you?"

The voice that answered in reply was unnaturally calm and serene, Shauna immediately recognized the freaky tranquil tone. It was Emma's version of the calm before the storm.

"Because we have a common enemy and an almost overwhelming desire to exact a blood soaked revenge... That and I'm the one who's going to journey around this place killing every Orc's I find...starting with you...if you don't agree."

Well, the Orc considered this. Shauna could see his eyes working around, half in thought and half in paranoid search of this invisible foe.

His questioning reply indicated the first step toward their goal.

"Common enemy? You mean the...the 'Elf'..."

That one word had been laced with so much venom, so much disgust that Shauna was sure if she'd have seen Emma's face she'd have seen some kind of recognition. As it was she didn't even know where the Sue Slayer was. The voice seemed to be moving around the room.

"Yes, I mean that...abomination. We've been sent to orchestrate her destruction. While our appearances may seek to fool you we aren't actually Elves."

The Orc tilted his head to the side slightly.

"We?"

Shauna heard a very distinctive sigh, almost immediately followed by what reminded her of electrical sparks.

"Yes...'we'...as in me, and her!"

Emma just seemed to melt out of the darkness. As though she'd been part of the very wall itself. The remaining Orc's in the room all turned snarling towards her. Weapons at the ready.

"Emma...did you suddenly become brain cell deficient, or am I imagining this bout of overwhelming stupidity."

Emma's attention was taken off the gathering Orc's and now fixed entirely on Shauna.

"Did...you just call me dumb?"

Shauna was about to reply but caught sight of an advancing Orc, circling behind the Sue Slayer. Before she could growl out a warning Emma spun, wrist blades detaching as she slashed open the chest of the oncoming Orc.

"No seriously...I'd like a little clarification on the whole 'brain cell deficient' thing. Do you really think I'm stupid?" To Shauna's surprise, Emma sounded a little hurt.

No sooner had the body of the first Orc tumbled to the ground before the Sue Slayer was being rushed by a second and a third. It was odd to picture the scene, considering the lead Orc still had Shauna by the hair, knife to her throat whilst the pair where arguing. He just seemed to be stunned. Some kind of intellectual shock. Considering he had more intelligence than the average Orc, it was a plausible theory.

The next wave of attacks didn't get very far, considering she had her back to them. Shauna couldn't figure out how she did it without looking, but at the last minute she side stepped letting the Orc pass her, just before she cut a deep trench across his back. She turned into the next attack ducking under the wide arc of the oncoming blade before plunging her wrist blades into his abdomen.

After pulling the dripping blades out Emma stood up straight and made a decision to continue the argument another time. It wasn't the place for it.

"Ok...as much fun as I get out of killing stuff, it's not your lot I want to be killing. Got me...so if you feel you must I won't have any problems gutting the rest of them but..."

Emma flashed that creepy smile. The flickering firelight from the camp fire bathing her face in red and orange. Allowing traces of her inhumanity and Alien brutality to shine through. Needless to say the Orc recognized that look.

Shauna was let fall to her knees and had scrambled to her feet a few seconds later. It was only now that she could turn her head to witness the arrival of, yet more Orcs. Despite Emma's certain, disturbing abilities, Shauna hadn't a single doubt that against so many they where pretty much fucked.

It was all up to this one Orc and whether Emma had put up enough of a front to convince him.

"So...you're not Elves!"

Emma seemed overly relaxed considering the crossroads both agents where currently standing at.

"Seriously...do I look like any Elf you've seen?"

The Orc leader studied the pair carefully, paying more attention to the obvious threat, who was actually squeezing some Orc blood from one of her dreads.

"Then what are you?"

Shauna had no idea how Emma was going to cover that angle, it's not as if she could be stupid enough to tell them the truth. Shit, could she?

"We're disciples of Melkor...here to dethrone the Thing that has taken over Arda."

Shauna breathed a very large sigh of relief, that and flashed the Sue Slayer one of those "good one!" looks.

It was now that an unnamed Orc decided to speak up,

"The Thing? Oh...you mean, Erana!"

Everyone in the room, the Sue Slayer included turned to look at the Orc with expressions of pure disgust. It seemed as though Emma was snarling...scrap that... Emma was definitely snarling.

"Don't... say it's name...ever...is that clear!"

The growled out words left the Orc nodding dumbly. He probably hadn't heard a single word, so intently he'd been fixed with that chilling stare from those absolutely merciless eyes. He understandably didn't speak again, he even started breathing in short quiet gasps. To Shauna it sounded like he was hyperventilating. Something was wrong with these Orcs. Very, very wrong. They where acting so...Human. Emma had to have noticed it...right?

"Anyone from now on who...even lets out a breath in my presence that sounds like that things name...will die...slowly. You will address me as First and my accomplice as Second. You will take all our orders...without question and without hesitation. In return we will give you the opportunity to burn that bitch's palace to the ground...and if your really lucky you get to watch when I rip her limb from limb. Any problems?"

The leader stepped forward accompanied by another Orc. This new one eyeing the duo very suspiciously. It was he who spoke out now, either he was undeniably stronger than the rest or he was an idiot.

"Why should we follow...such...tasty little Elves"

Shauna recoiled, rather visibly, when he licked his lips at her, all before her traumatized mind latched onto the absolutely mundane in order to preserve her waning sanity.

"Wait...why are you looking at me...hold up...you think I'm fat don't you! BASTARD...I'M NOT FAT!"

Shauna had snapped and lunged at the Orc in question, tearing and punching. Emma could have sworn she saw Shauna biting as well. On a normal day the Orc would have had the advantage in any fight with Shauna but he hadn't expected this kind of reaction, nor to be tackled to the ground and subsequently mauled. After the day they'd had, Emma had been wondering when the girl would finally lose it. She knew it wasn't necessarily the "fat" implication that had singly done it. It just happened to be the last straw.

Grabbing a hold of the girls belt Emma pulled her of the battered Orc. Shauna was thrashing tying to get back at him. Locking eyes with the Orc's stunned leader Emma smiled.

"Still think we're Elves?"