A Parental Guide

By Miss Willow



A/N: Let the re-write of the first four chapters of 'A Parental Guide' begin. Sorry to mess everyone about. Please R&R.


"Don't rush your food, Rosa-" I stopped shovelling food into my mouth at 100mph, "Don't gulp your orange juice!" I slammed my glass of juice down on the table. "Oh, please, dear, don't make such unattractive expressions." Brendan sniggered at this last comment, as I'd been pulling faces at mum's turned back when she said that. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Suse, don't nag her." My dad said, appearing from behind his newspaper for the first time that morning. He helped himself to some tea, before disappearing once again. "It's her first day of school. She's already nervous."

"I'm NOT nervous! I'm 16, not 5!" I interrupted angrily. My name's Rosa-Marie Willow- Rosa, for all those people who haven't gathered that yet. Not Rose, not Rosy and not Rosanna for all those funny, funny people out there, who have a serious death wish. I remember the first time my brother called me Rosy. I 'accidentally' pushed him into the garden pond a few seconds later. He now calls me princess instead; sure, it is annoying but c'mon which one would you choose? Rosy or Princess?

Brendan (the brother) shares my pet guinea pig, Flopsy. I named him, the guinea pig not the brother, when I was little and too young to realise that Flopsy is what people call their rabbits, not their guinea pigs. He tried to smuggle him to Hogwarts in his trunk once. Mum caught him. I was in hysterics as she chased him around the house with her broomstick.

I was sick of everyone making out that moving to Hogwarts was such a big deal. In the end, school was school and no amount of congratulations or mum's tearful 'I'm-proud-of-you' could change that. I've been home-schooled since I was about seven. I had a bit of trouble with a few girls in my class at primary school and my mum had decided it would be best for me to be taught at home by a tutor. The tutor in question, Laura, is now a very close family friend and has dinner at our house every Thursday evening. Anyway, when the time came for secondary school, mum didn't want to uproot me so Brendan had gone to Hogwarts by himself, much to his delight.

Everything was fine until Dad made the oh-so-brilliant observation that to get decent NEWTs I would have to be taught in an actual school. Mum had protested at first but then, unfortunately, she saw sense and told me that I would have to start going to Hogwarts in September. I would be 16 then, just, and therefore in the same year as Brendan.

And that is where it all begins- September 1st, the start of my life at Hogwarts.

"Mum, Rosa wanted you to tell her the story of how you and Dad got together again. You know, before she goes off to Hogwarts and doesn't see you for 4 months." Brendan piped up, smirking as he saw me stick my middle finger up at him. A look of horror came upon mum's face and I guessed that she probably hadn't realised that while I was at Hogwarts, she wouldn't be with me. Oh no… there was no escape…

"Of course I would!" Mum exclaimed, beaming over at me. I didn't have the heart to say that I didn't like hearing the story of mum and dad's first meeting, as mum always went into too much detail and stretched the truth, so I instead settled on looking like Christmas had come early, when mum began her story.

"It was winter-" Wrong. Rosa distinctively remembered her father saying it was summer, "And I was in the great hall-" The library, "When your father came up to me-" He had been reading a book in the far corner of the library, "And asked if it had hurt when I fell from heaven." He had asked why mum was watching him like a hawk as it was seriously pissing him off. "Anyway, I… Brendan! Where are you going!"

I smiled in satisfaction. Brendan had only half risen from his chair and mum had already spotted him. "Erm, I was going to finish packing my trunk."

"Don't be silly, darling, I've already finished packing both yours and your sister's trunks. Oh and I put in those new pants that I bought you. You know, the ones with that funny character that you like on them-"

"Spongebob Square Pants?" I spluttered, looking to Brendan for confirmation. He was now trying his best to blend in with the wallpaper.

"Yes! That's the one. The yellow sponge." Mum confirmed, nodding. I quickly shoved an apple into my mouth. I couldn't trust myself not to wet myself if I started to laugh.

"Yeah, well, you like Fairly Odd Parents!" Brendan said to me.

"What?! It's cool!"

"Oh and Spongebob's not!"

"Erm, yeah."

"Brendan! Rosa! Stop this!"

"At least Spongebob's original! Fairly Odd Parents; ooh, I wonder what that could be about!"

"He's a sponge, Brendan. S-P-O-N-G-E."

"They're fairies, Rosa. F-A-I-R-I-E-S."

"BOTH OF YOU BE QUIET!" Mum shouted. I opened my mouth to continue but saw mum's expression and thought better than to do such a reckless thing. Mother was not a force to meddle with, especially with her current bad temperament. She glowered at us for a few seconds, before turning away. I stuck my tongue out at him, thinking Brendan would do the mature thing.

"Mum! Rosa stuck her tongue out at me!" Apparently not.

"Snitch." I muttered bitterly.


I stood on that damn platform of that damn train, which would soon take me to that damn school. Damn me. Brendan was next to me, grinning like an idiot (no difference there). We'd lost our mother a good ten minutes before and I was secretly hoping that she had decided to leave us to catch the train by ourselves. No such luck. She appeared just behind us, huffing and puffing, her arms laden with a multitude of shopping bags. Ann Summers bags! I swallowed and tried not to feel too revolted.

"You will like this new school, Rosa-"

"Mum, can we get on the train please?" I interrupted. She looked worried, so I gave her a re-assuring smile. "Seriously, I'll be fine. It's only four months."

My mum was now rummaging through her handbag in search of some tissues. She was attracting attention from passers-bys now… embarrassment was an understatement. "Oh that's my big girl! Acting brave, as always!"

Mum abandoned her attempts of stopping her crying and suddenly pounced on me. I let out a shriek. The impact of her hug physically winded me and I was now wheezing, as I struggled to wriggle out of her grasp. Brendan was laughing… well, that was until Mum pulled him into the bone-crushing hug too. Our heads collided with a smash and we both shouted "OW!" at the same time.

"Mum- let- us- go!" Brendan struggled. Finally mum released us. I sprang backwards, not willing to give my mother another chance to smother me.

"I'm done. Bye, darlings." Mum said grudgingly. She began to wave vigorously at us instead. Brendan's expression was hilarious. A few people had stopped walking to talk to him and were now watching mum with amusement.

"Rosa?" Brendan asked.


"Kill me. Now."


Please R&R!