Ten reasons not to create "The List"
1. Waste of paper. A huge waste of paper. Do you realize how many people think we're going out Harry? We're all going to die from a lack of oxygen because all of the trees will be needed for this stupid list of yours.
2. It's pointless.
3. Why laugh over the fact that everyone in our school thought we were going out when we can talk about the group of mad men and women who were out to kill us?
4. The likelihood that either one of us will end up married is very small, considering the fact that everyone we meet seems to think that we are head-over-heels in love with one another.
6. It's also a waste of ink. You're going to regret this when you can't finish your essay for potions and Professor Snape gives you a month's worth of detention.
7. If anyone on the list dies, people might assume it was actually a hit list.
8. You should be catching up on your assignments, not creating other ways to procrastinate.
9. You'll lose the list anyway.
10. If we do end up married, I'm sure our significant others will love to hear that everyone believed that we belonged together. I think that would make a simply lovely toast. "To Hermione and Har—. Sorry about that. I always thought that when I made this toast, Hermione and Harry would be the ones getting married. Anyway, I wrote the toast back in sixth year, and I figured there was no point in throwing it out. So John, just ignore me while I recount Harry's life. Feel free to insert your name for his and switch around all of the details…"
"Some relationships start with fights... But, usually only in romantic comedies. Life's not the movies."
-Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata
It started out innocently enough. In fourth year, Viktor Krum, Hermione Granger's boyfriend at the time, accused one of said woman's best friends, Harry Potter, of being on more than friendly terms with his girlfriend. Of course, Harry denied it vehemently. Nevertheless, after Viktor Krum left, the relationship, save for a few pen pal letters, was over. A year later Cho Chang, Harry Potter's girlfriend, accused Harry of being romantically involved with Hermione. Once more, Harry denied that there was any truth behind the idea. A few months later the two broke up. When Cho told Harry that she was upset with Hermione for placing a hex on Cho's best friend (who had destroyed their secret Defense Against the Dark Arts organization), Harry defended Hermione, saying that he believed the hex was, "Brilliant." Needless to say Cho threw another fit, and that was the end of that.
It was sixth year that things began to get out of hand. Everywhere they went they were followed by whispers. Their classmates constantly asked them how long they had been going out, and when they replied that they were just friends, their fellow students almost fainted out of disbelief. Even their mutual best friend, Ron Weasley, had given them a questioning stare accompanied with the ever so popular, "Are you sure that you two aren't a couple?"
By seventh year (the year, coincidentally, when the two were assigned Head Boy and Head Girl and given a tower to themselves) it had gotten to the point where it didn't matter whether or not Harry or Hermione said that the two were just friends. No one believed them. It was while Hermione was ranting to Harry about this very subject in their common room that Harry had the brilliant (and ultimately disastrous) idea.
"Let's keep a list!" Harry announced, clearly very proud of his idea.
On the other hand, had Hermione been drinking a gobletful of pumpkin juice, it would've been anywhere but in her mouth.
"Excuse me?" Hermione challenged, looking at Harry as if she barely knew him.
"Let's keep a list," Harry repeated, his elbows, which propped up his chin, resting on his knees. "Of everyone who thinks that we're going out."
"Do you want to tear down an entire forest?" Hermione asked, eyes narrowed in disbelief.
"Don't tell me that you're going to start a Society for the Protection of the Environment," Ron muttered, who was busy playing chess with his little sister, Ginny, on a rug in front of the fire.
"Oh just shut up already," Hermione snapped at him. "I get it. You're absolutely narrow minded and you hate S.P.E.W. Always have, always will."
"I don't hate spew," Ron said offhandedly as his bishop tackled Ginny's knight. "I just think it's pointless."
"Well that makes me feel loads better," Hermione drawled.
"Can we get back to my list idea, please?" Harry groaned impatiently.
"If you were going to call anything pointless, Ron, now would be the time to do it," Hermione huffed.
"Actually, I think the list is a good idea," Ron shrugged as Hermione's mouth fell open.
"I agree," Ginny said. "Maybe if you saw how many people actually believe that you're going out, you'd realize why you're in love with one another."
"We are not in love with each other, Ginevra," Hermione said in her "I've heard this way too often and so now I have a robotic response" voice.
"And that's exactly why the entire school in addition to my mum thinks that you two have been a couple for the past two years," Ginny replied sarcastically. She grinned happily as her other knight managed to take out an inattentive Ron's queen.
"Just ignore them," Harry reminded Hermione. "Anyway, the point of the list is just for fun. So that when we're married and have children, we can get together and laugh about how many people were stupid enough to believe that we were together."
"I think you can revise that statement to, 'So that when we're married, we can show our children how stupid we were not to realize what everyone else already knew,'" Ginny insisted.
"So, what do you say?" Harry asked Hermione, choosing to ignore Ginny's comment.
"I say that you're never going to give up on this stupid idea, and if you want to do it, then go on right ahead," Hermione rolled her eyes. "I still think it's pointless."
"And I bet that you two will have gotten to second by the time we reach Easter Break. Third by the time you're out of Hogwarts. Or maybe if you're lucky– "
"Ginny..." Hermione warned.
"What?" Ginny asked innocently. "I'm just saying. I mean, you two can barely keep your hands off one another as 'just friends.' There's way too much sexual tension. I wouldn't be surprised if you had sex after the first– "
"For the love of Merlin, Ginny, shut up!"