Maureen yawned as she climbed into bed. "'Night, Jo!" she said.
"Goodnight, Maureen," Joanne replied.
Maureen had fell asleep pretty quickly that night.
In her dream, she found herself at a playground. "How did I get here?" Maureen asked.
"…how the hell?" Mark finished.
"Whoa, Mark? What are you doing here? And why are you…dear God, Mark, how old are you?" Maureen was very confused.
"I'm this many," Mark grinned, holding up seven fingers.
"No seriously, how old are you?" Maureen asked.
"I'm seven!" Mark whined.
As weirded out as Maureen was, she couldn't help thinking, He's seven years old and he already knows how to swear!
"Marky!" sang Mark's mother. "Here's your birthday present from me and Daddy!"
"Oh, it's your birthday," Maureen moaned.
"Yep!" smiled Mark. "That's why I had it at my favorite playground, Cyberland Park!"
"What kind of name is that for a park?"
"Mark, are you gonna come get your present or not?"
"In a second Mom, I'm greeting my guest!" The seven-year-old Mark turned to Maureen. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"
"Sure," Maureen replied. "Can I have some of those chocolate chip cookies with some milk?"
"Oh, sorry," said Mark. "We're all out of milk. How about some Diet Coke instead?"
"Mark, I can't have Diet Coke with cookies. It's against my religion."
"Well sorry," Mark shrugged. "I'm gonna go open my present my mommy got me, I'll be right back,"
"Take your time," mumbled Maureen.
Mark skipped over to his mom. The present was a gigantic (and by that I mean VERY gigantic) cardboard box. It took all of Mark's energy to rip it open, but he finally managed. Maureen stared at the present in awe. She couldn't believe her eyes. Mark's Mom had gotten him a COW.
"OH MY GOSH! THANK YOU MOMMY!" Mark squealed, hugging his mom (who looked like she was being suffocated).
"No problem," his mom answered.
"What's her name?" Mark asked.
"Bob," Mrs. Cohen said.
"BOB?" Mark screamed. "Mom, all cows are girls!"
"Shit," muttered Mrs. Cohen under her breath. "Why must my son be so smart?"
"I'm gonna let my new friend name her!" Mark pouted.
"Please," Maureen sighed. "Call me Maureen. And if that's too big of a word for you, Mo is fine too."
Mark ignored her. "What should I name this cow?"
"Call her…uh…" Maureen was terrible with names, so she said the first name that popped into her head. "…Elsie."
The cow (who had probably been asleep up till now) "moo"ed in agreement, to show she liked the name.
"Alrighty then," Mark said. "Elsie it is!"
Maureen suddenly remembered her thirst. "Okay, Mark, how about this…scratch the cookies, just get me some milk by itself."
"How about some Diet Coke by itself?"
"Look, Mark, you do NOT want to see me once I've had caffeine…"
"Diet Coke doesn't have caffeine."
"Yes it does."
"Well, not a lot…"
"Why are we even arguing about this?"
Mark didn't have an answer. "I'm gonna go take a potty break," was all he said. "I'll be right back, Mo."
Once Mark had left, Maureen looked at the cow. "Elsie," Maureen said. "You're a cow…do you think you can produce some milk for me to drink?"
Maureen almost thought she saw Elsie's eyes start to water. "Please," Maureen begged. "I need milk! You must be able to give me SOME!"
With that, the cow stared at the ground, and shook her head "no".