"All Things Probable"
Kim Possible fanfiction
Chapter1: Waxing Poetic
by Greg Fisk (aka "Slyrr")
Kim Possible and it's characters are copyrighted by Disney, et. al.
Team Go dashed into the dimly lit warehouse. Hego spotted a gaping hole in the ceiling which opened up to the starry night sky, casting a dim circle of moonlight onto the surrounding boxes which were stacked in marked columns that disappeared into the gloom. He also took note of several unconscious security guards who lay on the floor.
'Look alive, Team Go!' Hego said. 'This is a top secret science facility. Whatever these thieves are after it can't be good!'
Mego rolled his eyes in annoyance. 'We know that. You told us before we left, and at least twice on the way!'
Wego 1 looked in one direction while Wego 2 looked the other. 'Nothing's missing, Hego.' said WeGo 1. 'Whoever did this is still here!'
Suddenly a yellow glare washed over them and they all squinted their eyes shut. A shrill, cackling voice sounded from behind the source of the light, full of laughter and triumph. 'Quite right, Team Go! And may I be the first to say how impressed I am that you managed to get here so quickly!'
'Aviarius!' Hego shouted, pointing his arm dramatically. 'I should have known it was you! Only the city's most persistent bird-themed villain would break in through the roof!'
Mego rolled his eyes again. Why his brother insisted on talking like a 1950's comic book character was a source of constant wonder to him. All it ever did was give the villains a chance to capture them. He readied his Glow in case a quick shrink and dodge was in order. But Hego was still posturing and talking as their eyes adjusted to the spotlight.
'What are you after, arch-fiend?' said Hego, his voice thick with distaste. They could see Aviarius now, standing next to a spotlight, his winged outfit and his beak-like nose thrown in stark shadows by the glare.
Aviarius grinned wickedly. 'I suppose there's no harm in telling you, since there's no way you can stop me, Team Go!' He sneered. 'I'm stealing an ultrasonic device which will grant me absolute control over every pigeon in the city! Once these feathered minions are at my command, I will order them to hold every statue and monument hostage! If your beloved city ever wants to see their statues clean again, they will bow down and accept me as their supreme overlord! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!' He broke into a long string of laughter that seemed to go on forever. When he finally ran out of breath, he found Team Go staring at him. All their faces were creased into blank expressions that mingled confusion with incredulity.
'That's... the dumbest thing I've ever heard!' Wego 1 said.
'Mm-hmm.' said Wego 2.
Hego and Mego only nodded.
Aviarius sputtered in rage. 'Hey, shut up!' he said, pointing at them. 'Whether you are able to comprehend the brilliance of my plan is not the point!' A flock of robotic condors suddenly dove in through the ceiling and clamped their metal talons onto the large crate on which Aviarius was standing. They spread their wings and the jets on either side of their abdomens swiveled up, sparking into life. The crate shuddered and slowly began to rise. 'The point is, I'm taking the ultrasonic modulator, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!'
Hego struck a fighting pose. 'We'll see about that, Aviarius! GO, Team Go!' and he charged toward the slowly rising crate. Mego, Wego 1 and Wego 2 raced behind him.
Aviarius glared down at them with a confident smirk. 'I'm afraid not, Team LOSERS!' he said. 'You see, I didn't come here alone...!'
From the shadows on the side, a swift moving blur leaped from the darkness. It moved so quickly, they could not see who or what it was. But the figure landed a solid kick into Hego's chest which sent him sprawling backwards into his team-mates.
Team Go lay in the circle of the spotlight, rubbing their bruised heads and elbows. They looked up as the crate and Aviarius rose through the hole in the ceiling. He was holding up a camcorder. 'Farewell, Team Go! I leave now to burn a DVD recording of your failure! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!' And the crate rose out of sight.
Hego surged to his feet. 'Come on, Team Go! We can still stop...'
But the lights suddenly went out. Mego felt a sharp pain on the back of his head and everything went black. Hego activated his Glow, and struck blindly here and there, and he made contact, but to his dismay, he heard Wego 1's voice cry out and heard a dull thud. 'Sorry, Wego!' he said. Behind him, he heard Wego 2 shouting.
'Hego, look out...!' he shouted, and then there was a loud Whoof and another thud.
Hego was alone now. 'Where are you?' he shouted, his body bathed in a blue aura. 'Show yourself, evil-doer!' But there was only silence. Then off to the side, he heard a male voice.
'Ahem!' it said. Hego whirled around and saw what looked like a teenage boy. He could only guess, for his form was shadowed, with only a dim blue highlighting from Hego's Glow. They stared at each other for a moment. Then the figure spoke again. 'Come and get me, tough guy!' came his voice, smooth and confident.
Hego charged at him with a heroic shout. As he got closer, his glow revealed a smiling, relaxed boyish face, bathed in a blue light. Hego raised his fist to strike, but as he swung with a terrific haymaker, the figure darted to the side, vanishing into the darkness. Hego stumbled, lurched and plowed straight through a support beam. He had only a few splintered seconds to look up, hearing a dull creaking rumble, before the upper mezzanine and all the crates stored on it collapsed on top of him with a thunderous crash.
The figure stared at the pile of crates through his night-vision goggles. 'Well,' he said. 'That was easier than Aviarius made it sound.'
Another figure stumbled out from the shadows, tripping and landing with a thud next to the boy. 'Ow!' came a girlish, squealy voice. 'Sorry, GP.'
'Relax.' said the boy, helping the other figure to its feet. 'Hego will power his way out from under there in about thirty seconds. The rest will be waking up soon after that, but our work here is done.' He held up a small device, and a bright LCD glow came from a tiny screen on it. 'How's our exit?' he said briskly.
'The guards are all still hugging the floor and the cops won't be there for another five.' said a chirpy voice, slightly tinned through the device speaker. 'You're in the green!'
'And our payment?' said the boy. 'I presume Aviarius is trying to welch on the deal.'
'You guessed it.' said the tinny voice. 'But while he was there at the warehouse, I hacked into his bank accounts and deducted the money. Our contract is done and done!'
'Badical. You rock out loud!' Then he turned off the device and ran off into the darkness, pulling the second figure behind him.
A few seconds later, Hego burst out from under the pile of crates. All was quiet, except for the soft groans of his slowly awakening brothers...
The bell rang loudly across the fields and through the rooms at Middleton High. The marquee outside the school read "Give Greeks A Chance". History classes that day dealt with Greek and Roman Mythology, and Kim never ceased to be amazed. It seemed they designed the course subjects for no other reason than so they could put clever slogans on the marquee.
And once again, it seemed as if Mr. Barkin was the only teacher in the school. No matter which classes she took, or what subjects she studied, Mr. Barkin somehow wound up teaching at least one of them.
'And so the Roman god Janus was worshipped at the beginnings of the harvest and planting times, as well as marriages, births and other beginnings. He was representative of the middle ground between barbarity and civilization, rural country and urban cities, and youth and adulthood...'
Kim stared up at the two-faced statue drawn on the chalkboard, with one face staring one direction, and the other in the opposite direction.
Off to the side, she heard a familiar voice whispering. 'I normally don't go all ethnic KP, but two faces? Think of all the Nacos he could pack down!'
Kim smiled in spite of herself. Leave it to Ron to find a way to bring up Nacos in a lesson about Mythology.
'Stoppable!' Mr. Barkin's voice thundered across the row of seated students like a whiplash. 'Do you find something amusing about the mysterious and freaky two-faced god Janus?'
Ron fidgeted, straightening up in his seat. 'Ah... uh, no sir Mr. B.' he said, his voice carrying that same terrified and yet collected quality Kim knew and loved. 'It's all... Greek to me.' He ended lamely with a sheepish laugh.
Barkin growled like a thundercloud. 'Janus was Roman, Stoppable! You students need culture. Janus was used to symbolize change and transition, such as the progression of past to future, the growing up of young people. I want you all to write a poem to recite in class based on that theme. Now get poetic people!'
The bell rang and all the students filed to their lockers, collecting books, chatting and getting ready to go to their next classes. Kim stood at her locker where Wade's computer screen sat blank and silent. Her mug shots of Drakken and Shego peered out at her from their spots taped to her locker door.
Ron was continuing the talk he'd started when they left Barkin's class. "Look KP, all I'm saying is that writing verse about 'growing up' is kinda heavy. You'd think as Seniors they'd bring up some courses that were a little more practical, like 'Get-Rich-Quick 101' or 'How to Rise to the Top in 1 Easy Step'. You know - something I could use!'
Kim smiled at him. 'Come on, Ron - this could be a big learning experience.'
Ron's eyes rolled upwards until he was staring at the ceiling. 'Yyyyyeah...' he said, his voice distracted and distant, 'Learning... sounds... great.'
Suddenly a white line lanced across the screen in Kim's locker and an instant later, Wade was staring out at them. 'Sitch me, Wade!' said Kim, her voice going brisk and business-like at once.
Wade set down his ever-present soda cup. 'I kept tabs on the theft at Go City like you asked, Kim. And I've set up a video link to Go Tower. Hego's ready to fill you in.' The screen blipped and the hulking, muscular frame of Hego now filled tiny glowing square. Ron and Kim both leaned in.
'Greetings, citizen Possible!' Hego said. Kim nodded, smiling. He hadn't changed at all. Still pompous, overly dramatic and 'show-offey'.
'Hey there, Hego.' she said. 'How are the rest of the team?'
'All of them back with get up and glow!' he said, clenching his fist dramatically. Ron rolled his eyes.
'Has Aviarius made his next move?' said Kim.
Hego smiled broadly. 'Actually, you'll be pleased to know that Aviarius in now in police custody.'
Ron blinked. 'So... he didn't try his pigeon thing?' he said quizzically.
Hego chuckled. 'Oh, he tried it all right.' The screen showed a video clip of flocks of pigeons roosted thickly on a large statue in the city square. People were looking up, confused. 'Anyhoo, once the folks in city hall stopped laughing, we zeroed in on the location where he was broadcasting his signal with the Supersonic modulator. Elapsed time from finding him to capturing him - 2 minutes, 12 seconds.' The screen flicked rapidly to scenes from surveillance camera footage, showing Team Go breaking into a building shaped like a bird nest, then dog-piling a struggling and ranting Aviarius, then Aviarius being hauled away in a police wagon.
Kim raised an eyebrow. 'Well... congrats I guess.' she said.
'Yeah, way to save those... statues!' Ron chimed in.
Hego's face blipped back on. 'I'm afraid that's not the end of it though. Whoever it was who helped Aviarius steal the Supersonic Modulator is still out there. There was no sign of them at Aviarius' lair. We're keeping our eyes peeled, but they may be something you need to watch out for.'
'Thanks Hego.' Kim said.
Then Wade's face returned. 'Hego's right, Kim. Whoever was working with Aviarius, I haven't been able to get a lock on them. No records, no files, nothing.'
'Stay on it, Wade.' Kim said. 'They may try to spring their bird-brain boss.'
'You got it, Kim!' Wade said, and the screen went black.
Ron gave her a sly look. 'And may I say,' he said, 'that was big, bad, bodacious, bemungeous use of alliteration!'
Kim smiled as they walked down the hall to their next classes. 'For someone who doesn't care who Janus is, you remember big poetry words easy enough.'
Dr. Drakken stumped up and down the musty dankness of his new lair. He looked around in disgust. The computers were broken, the wiring was frayed and sparking - and the whole place reeked of mildew. Shego sat filing her clawed gloves. Drakken gritted his teeth. Why she was always so indifferent and dismissive was beyond him, but he put up with it because she was the only sidekick he had who could put up a decent fight.
He sat down in the chair at the main console, which had a cracked screen and wouldn't turn on, throwing papers here and there. 'Death ray 9.0... Gravity gun to pull the moon from orbit, giant magnet to reverse the Earth's polarity... no, no no!' he crumpled fists full of evil plans for world domination in his hands, but the simple reality of his current situation was crashing down around him. But before he could say it himself, Shego said it first.
'Face it Dr. D. We can't afford any of that stuff. We're flat busted!'
'Thank you Shego,' he said sarcastically, 'for once again pointing out the glaringly obvious! How can I take over the world when I have to do it from this pathetic hovel?'
Since the Diablo robots and other gambits had failed, Drakken had found himself with less and less money to launch his evil schemes. Kim Possible had thwarted each one, reducing his ability to concoct new schemes further and further each time.
'Here's another 'glaringly obvious',' said Shego, inspecting her claw tips after going over them with a file, 'If we don't get some money - and I mean pronto - we won't even be able to stay in this pathetic hovel for very long.' She looked at Dr. Drakken as he rose from his chair and stopped in front of the non-functioning main console screen. 'Look Dr. D - we've got no choice. We need to pull a heist.'
'I know!' he snarled without turning toward her. 'Stealing money just seems so... pedestrian!'
Shego lit up one of her gloved hands with it's greenish light. 'We can't make a scene if we don't have the green,' she said coyly.
'Cute.' Drakken said, turning back with a scowl. 'But you and I both know that if we try something as simple as knocking over a bank, or Fort Knox, or whatever, Ms. "All-That" will just show up and stop us. We need to find a way to keep her off our backs while we procure our needed funds. But how?'
Shego made a thin-lipped smile. 'We could re-synthesize Eric...'
Drakken waved as if swatting a fly. 'Oh please.' he said. 'Don't you remember that Possible and... whatzizname are an 'item' now? She won't fall for the same trick twice. What we need is a diversion.'
Shego had turned to the only working computer in the lair, an outdated model that was barely internet capable. She smacked it a few times while it chugged and whirred.
'Shego, are you paying attention?' Drakken said impatiently.
'Diversion! Whatzizname! Item!' she said in exasperation. 'Relax Dr. D - I'm doing a search for 'diversions'.
Drakken hovered behind her, staring at the screen. Every search string for 'need help' only brought up Kim Possible's website. Drakken felt the angry tic he always felt in his eyebrows whenever he saw her face. 'Try 'evil villain needs help',' He said, waving his hands and raising his head in disbelief. This was so foolish, he thought. As if people who help villains advertised on the web. What a colossal waste of...
But then he heard a beep and Shego said, 'Hey - it actually brought up something.' Drakken returned to her side, staring down at the screen as Shego read. 'Trying to take over the world? Global Justice keeping you down? Local authorities won't leave you alone? Meddling kids uncovering your plots? Don't think your dream of world domination is impossible - it's probable!'
Shego and Drakken looked at each other for a moment. Then Shego clicked the web link. And for several minutes they stared silently, their faces illuminated by the computer screen.
'No way...' Shego said softly. Dr. Drakken's face split into an evil grin.
'Way!' he said.
A Gin and a Snare