Name: A Desperate Plea for Help

Summary: Out of ideas, the authoress asks the Akatsuki for help.

Author's Notes: :D You guys sent lots of great ideas, but thanks to 2stupid for this one! Please forgive the fact that it is an unbetaed piece of crap. D: I'm sorry I didn't do your idea justice, 2stupid.

I need help.

The words rang through the room, where Akatsuki was gathered, having their daily siesta. Their siesta was their break from acting insane, murdering the innocents, hunting down Naruto, killing each other, et cetera, et cetera.

Really, I do.

"Huh, danna?" Deidara mumbled sleepily. "You're horny, yeah? I can't help you with that. I really can't. Yeah."


"…" Kisame was at a loss for words. How does one explain that they just got the mental image of a frowny face? They don't, unless they want to be locked up in an insane asylum (but then again, the organization known as Akatsuki is an insane asylum, so…)

"I just got a mental image of a frowny face," Kisame said aloud.

"With a fuckin' exclamation, too?" Hidan asked, perplexed.

"I saw it as well," Itachi added.

Deidara jerked awake – oh, he knew this voice alright. He remembered it from a vague dream of another world, another chapter, another day…


Tobi clapped his hands over his years. "TOBI IS SORRY. TOBI IS A GOOD BOY, BUT YOU MADE TOBI'S EARS HURT! WAAAHHHHH!"

Zetsu patted Tobi on the head consolingly, glaring at the… thing… whatever it was… that shouted. (Well, attempted, anyways. He wasn't quite sure where the voice came from, so he settled for aiming his fiercest glare at a speck on the wall opposite him.)

"What do you need help with?" Konan asked politely – ah, THANK YOU, someone in Akatsuki has brains –

"Hey, yeah! I resent that!"

You would.

"Now, now," Pein cut in. "Let's not argue with – "

With God?

"I'm God, damnit!"


"I don't lie!"

Do too.






"Pein-sama, please," Konan muttered, rolling her eyes. She wondered if she were the only one present who possessed maturity. Then Sasori spoke up, and she thanked the heavens for an ally.

"What do you need help with?" the puppet asked.


"Ideas? They'll cost you," Kakuzu grinned, eyes gleaming with the prospect of making money off of this.

I'm not paying you.


"Haha, Kakuzu you fucker! You just got fuckin owned!"

Anyways –

"Shut up, Hid-"


Everyone winced, and Tobi covered his ears again.

So. Ideas for what I'm going to do with you guys.

"How about you make me leader of the world, yeah?"

"Screw you, Deidara, that's the shittiest idea ever. How about you make everyone Jashinist?"

"Like hell I'll convert!" Kisame protested as his silent, blind partner nodded in assent. "How about you give Itachi his eyesight back?"

Bad idea. Itachi plus blindness equals hilarity. I can't afford to get rid of that.

"…" Itachi made a mental promise to kill this person if he EVER got his hands on her.

By the way, you won't.

"How about you make me king of the world, and be done with it?" Pein suggested casually. Konan made calf-eyes at him, proving she didn't quite have the maturity required to manhandle and direct the childish group called Akatsuki –

"HEY! We're not childish, yeah!"

Are too.

"Are not, yeah!"

Are too!

"Not, yeah!"

"Brat, shut up," Sasori hissed. He was not going to go through another one of these arguments. Honestly, what was up with feminine blonds and childish arguments? There had to be a correlation.

You guys fail at ideas. Don't you care what happens to you?

"I thought mine was fuckin' grand," Hidan protested hotly.

"Please make me god? It'll happen in the canon anyways," Pein tried again, attempting to persuade the Mysterious Voice.

I can't. Sasuke – I mean, Shippuden – isn't over yet. Chances are the main character, Sasu- sorry, I meant Naruto. Kishimoto just has a crush on Sasuke, and see, it's been affecting the series a lot. Anyways, Naruto is probably going to kill you (if Sasuke's Sharingan doesn't summon God and kill you first.)



"That fuckin' sucks."


"That's depressing, yeah…"


"Go away," Itachi muttered.

D: I made you all depressed?!

"That frowny face again," Kisame murmured.

"Without an exclamation mark."

… Bye bye?



Please forgive me for its un-betaed horridness.