Eggs and Toast

Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx

Maddie had a craving.

Sure, she had cravings all the time now that she was eating for two, but this one was different. This one was one of those intense, all-consuming, grabs-a hold-of-you-and-won't-let-go kind of deals. You know, the ones you only hear horror stories about.

Maddie was craving eggs and buttered toast and she just couldn't stop thinking about having it. The imagined aroma filled her nostrils and made her mouth water. But now, Maddie had a problem.

You see, Maddie was all, but alone and one important thing you should know about Maddie is this: she can't cook.

No, really, she can't cook.

As in, she sets fire to water when all she's doing is trying to boil it and snarl a microwave out of control and break it in two-point-five seconds.

Yeah, she's that bad.

Maddie had more than a dilemma on her hands, she had a extremely heavy, extra large sized, cartoon anvil sized conundrum.

She couldn't call someone. That would be way to embarrassing and who would really come and cook her eggs and toast? Exactly.

Her only hope, Jack, would be home soon… At least he should be.

Maddie knew she had enough self-restraint and patience. She could easily wait.

Yes. That's what she'll do.


She would read a book and her craving would be forgotten until she could fix it. Maddie was proud of herself and her plan. It was brilliant. And would work perfectly.

She smiled to herself and sighed as she got up from the table and went to pick out a book from the shelf.

Not more than ten minutes had past and Maddie had barely gotten past the first page.

The craving was a demon, a curse, meant to hold on to her as long as it could and make her far past miserable. Maddie threw her book down on the side table huffily and her arms over her annoyingly ample chest and she pouted.

She pouted for about five seconds before she was up off the chair and walking towards the kitchen.

If she couldn't wait, then she could at least attempt it. Really, how hard could eggs and toast be. It really didn't seem that hard. It seemed kind of simple actually.

Now where did Jack keep the pots and pans…


Jack hummed as he walked up his street towards his house with a bundle under his arm.

He had only realized he had run out of sheet paper this morning and had rushed out to get some, leaving his pregnant fiancée to her own devices. He was sure she was okay. Really, Maddie was the most responsible person he knew. Nothing could go wrong.

His humming grew louder as he smiled at the thought of his Maddie.

Jack couldn't wait to see her when he walked through the door. He missed her in the short time they were apart. Hey, they were young and in love, give them a break.

He practically ran up the front steps and walked through their front door nearly singing his favorite song.

Jack finally stood in the foyer of their home and oddly had the distinct urge to yell "Honey, I'm home."

He, unwillingly, refrained of course and moved deeper into the house.

Then, at the kitchen, he stopped.

Chaos didn't even begin to describe the scene before his eyes.

The tiled floor appeared to be covered in broken egg shells and square shaped pieces of what could be called toast, but they were charred too far beyond black to tell. In the sink were three frying pans, all varying sizes and all smoking and unnaturally black. A nearly empty egg carton lay open next to the bread bag filled with less than four slices. And at the stove stood Maddie.

She looked as disastrous as the kitchen.

Her long hair had turned into a frizzy mess and seemed to have egg shells scattered throughout the brown strands at well. Her face was spatter with bits of egg and she seemed to have wiped her nose with her hand and gotten the grease and black residue all along the bridge. She was staring fixedly down at the frying eggs in the what looked to be the forth and final pan in the house. Her pink tongue had slipped out between her lips and stuck out of the corner of her mouth. Jack couldn't think of a time where she had ever looked this adorable.

His love-fogged mind was brought back to the real world when he heard the toaster pop-up and realized it was sparking.

Sparking, as in, throwing dangerous and just a teensy bit hazardous to your health sparks around the kitchen

Without another thought, he started to run - and almost slipping on the egg on the floor - over to the toaster and yanked the plug from the electrical socket. Not the brightest thing on his part, but nonetheless effective.

He sighed and leaned back - resting his elbows on the counter - and relaxed.

But not for long.

Fire soon erupted in Maddie's pan. Jack nearly had a heart attack, but Maddie looked calm - almost serene, albeit disappointed - and brought the burning pan over to the sink. Jack watched in shock as she just simply ran it under the water and put it out. The pan fell with an unceremonious clank into the sink and Maddie turned towards the cabinet that held the only flat cooking surface left and possibly the most dangerous, the griddle.

Jack did the only thing he could do. "NOOOO!" And he ran - this time slipping just a little on the egg - over to her and grabbed her by the shoulders before she did anymore damage to the kitchen, or worse, to herself. "Maddie! What do you think you're doing!?" he demanded of her.

Her eyes appeared glazed over and she hardly noticed him standing in front of her. "Maddie!" he yelled frantically as he gently shook her by the shoulders.

Suddenly, her eyes began to clear and became the normal gray he was so used to. "I…" she began, looking more like she was coming out of a trance than anything. "I-I just wanted eggs and toast…"

Jack looked at her in disbelief and then looked at the destroyed kitchen and then back to her.

He couldn't restrain himself any longer from cracking up into laughter at the absurdity of the situation.

Maddie continued to look confused and lost as ever and it didn't fail to go under Jack's radar. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and began to lead her towards the door. "Come on, Baby… I'll take you to Denny's." he said, still laughing lightly.

They would deal with the ruined kitchen later.


A/N: That certainly was an adventure… I'm sorry for this piece being so ridiculous, but I had a craving like Maddie. -Smirks-

Please don't forget to review and tell me what you thought of it!

Much Love,