WARNING: The following fanfic assumes you know who Tsunade and the Godaime are. It also assumes you've read up to the point where Naruto knows the mostly complete Rasengan technique.
-Tsunade: Obaa-chan No More
Note: This takes place in an alternate universe where Sasuke wasn't eager to fight Naruto after Naruto and Jiraiya brought Tsunade back to Konoha to become the Godaime.
Team Kakashi had arrived in the Hokage's office to find the Godaime, the blonde-haired brown-eyed big-breasted Tsunade still working on paperwork.
The man who'd had her office prior, the Sandaime Saru Sarutobi, had never once let people see him doing more than a small amount of paperwork. This was because he cleverly took the excess papers and hid them out of view below his desk and did it piece by piece.
However, Tsunade was hard-pressed to catch up with the monstrous pile of paperwork that had accumulated during the time between the Sound/Sand Invasion (2) and her entrance into office. And unfortunately, most of it was stuff that Sarutobi had made sure passed through his office before implementation. The "Professor" liked to be as informed as he could be.
Her normal ways of ditching responsibility by shoving it off onto Shizune had to stop (temporarily, at least), considering Shizune was doing a cursory look at the state of the hospitals, checking up on the medical supplies and was responsible for investigating some of the 'nin labs' Sarutobi had allowed. On top of all that, Tsunade had also given her disciple the job of making her some soldier pills to help Tsunade stay awake at least long enough to finish the mountain of paperwork she had to do AND look over as many patients as she could, hopefully speeding up the recovery of the more useful nin.
She still had to distribute missions, too. Due to injuries or deaths, Konoha's nin population was down to less than half, and a good deal of customers for the D-rank missions applied for them because they were unable to do the jobs themselves. And all that had to be considered well before any C, B, A or S rank missions were.
As such, this would be a job for Naruto. Seeing as he had a phenomenal grasp of Kage Bushin, one matched only by several Jonin, half of whom were either too injured to use the technique or simply too exhuasted for even soldier pills to cover, the blonde boy and his silver-haired teacher would have to be her workhorses.
"Listen up. You all know that Konoha is now in dire straits in terms of personnel. So, until further notice, all genin teams will be split up. You will be carrying mission scrolls with multiple assignments. You don't need to accomplish all of them in one day, but the faster you accomplish them, the better." Tsunade said, as she handed out the scrolls.
It didn't take a genius to notice that the ones for Naruto and Kakashi were much longer. Tsunade raised a hand to cut off the protests from Sasuke and Sakura, even if they had been in the form of nonverbal glares, "I know what you two about about to say. Naruto and Kakashi can accomplish their tasks because they can use Kage Bunshin. But you'll notice that you two are going to go to the Academy. That's because we're making up the numbers for the low level missions by giving the two highest grades of the Academy a taste of genin life. You two are going to be temporary leaders of a trio of 'base nin'.(3) You'll still get paid, but it's more important that everyone pitches in. Besides, you only need to do it for the weekdays, and only for the next two to three weeks, when various nin are going to be returning to active duty."
Though the hateful glares had lessened, Tsunade felt she need to give them one last point to completely silence any future protests, "Think of it as an example of how it feels to be a Jonin."
Only a Jonin-rank nin would have noticed Kakashi's sly smirk. Maybe he'd have at least two of his team willing to appreciate the troubles of teaching snot-nosed brats.
Before the team left, Tsunade spoke up one last time, "Oh, and Naruto, I need you to deliver this letter to Shizune." before flinging an envelope at Naruto, who just barely caught it in time to prevent it from smacking him in the nose, "She should be in one of the chem-labs downstairs."
Naruto nodded and Team Kakashi split up to fulfill their assignments.
Once he'd made sixty Kage Bunshin and sent three to fulfill each of his tasks, the real Naruto raced downstairs to look for Shizune. True to Tsunade's word, Shizune was in the first chem-lab that Naruto found. Naruto entered and noticed Shizune was watching a beaker carefully.
Naruto made a point to walk slowly into her field of vision before her eyes rose to indicate she saw him before he spoke at all. Back in the academy, the science teacher/head interrogator Ibiki Morino (4), who only taught several classes a year at the Academy (5) had made it quite clear how one should act in a science lab where flames and unstable liquids were common. He'd literally put the fear of death in all of his students, and rightfully so. A screwed up soldier pill could potentially screw up the body far worse than the most brutal attacks.
"Hey, Tsunade-sama told me to give this to you." Naruto said, handing her the letter.
Shizune arched an eyebrow, "You aren't calling her 'Old Lady'?"
Naruto put a finger over his lips and made a shushing noise, "Don't tell her, but I really respect her. I just don't want her lording it over me that she was the Godaime when I become the Rokudaime."
Shizune smiled. Though she might have giggled over the boy's already all-too-familiar declaration of becoming the Hokage, the fact that he had the same admiration and respect for Tsunade that many others had was nice to know.
Shizune opened the letter and looked it over quickly, before groaning, "I can't believe she forgot the most important part of this!"
"I can-" Naruto began to volunteer, but Shizune cut him off, "No, it's probably better that I talk to her directly. Could you do me a favor and watch this beaker for me?"
Naruto nodded, "Uh, what is it? And should I start running if it does anything?"
"It's the liquid form of soldier pills. Tsunade-sama wants me to make her some, since she'll be pulling double shifts, both as the Godaime and as a doctor." Shizune explained, "Just turn the gas off the instant you see it start to boil."
Shizune made a point to gesture to the cut-off valve for the bunson burner, making a point to indicate the motion on which way to turn the valve, and Naruto nodded in understanding, despite his mind multi-tasking his Kage Bunshin. They were all doing fine, since all of the jobs they were completing were very basic D-rank missions. Hell, he could have done those jobs in his sleep. Half were already done and heading on to their next objectives as Shizune left to meet with Tsunade.
Little did Shizune know she'd just made a large mistake. To her credit, those most likely to tell her that leaving Naruto alone was a mistake were those who held the kyuubi container in the greatest levels of contempt, so not listening to them would have earned her major ramen points with Naruto.
But, this was the one instance where leaving Naruto alone was indeed a bad idea. See, Naruto has always been curious. Despite the hate-filled attempts of his academy teachers to quell his strong desire to learn and replace it with a strong desire to jump off a very tall building minus a bungie cord (6), he'd remained interested in various things.
After seeing various science fiction movies where some crackpot mad scientist put together an otherwise impossible mixture to do something highly improbable, he'd always wanted to do the same. Since he was still doing quite well on chakra, Naruto made another Kage Bunshin for the express purpose of watching the soldier pill beaker before he began to cackle.
Naruto didn't know that the first formula that popped in his head that he fixated on was one sent to him by none other than the Kyuubi no Kitsune.
The Kyuubi wasn't stupid enough to make anything that would get Naruto killed, nor would he do anything that would get Naruto in any form of permanent trouble, the kind that may require him to be monitored 24/7/366, since that would make Naruto and the Kyuubi's lives miserable.
No, the Kyuubi had a different sort of plan. Though Naruto had been unconscious during the more serious portion of the battle between Jiraiya, Tsunade, Orochimaru and Kabuto, Kyuubi was not.
The Godaime had made more than a mild impression on the Kyuubi and even it realized that Naruto's skills and his current regeneration factor were not always going to be good enough to save the boy's life. Plus, the happier and safer the boy was, the safer the Kyuubi was from those freaks in the Akatsuki. Plus, it just plain didn't like Orochimaru or Kabuto. The latter was the sort of pompous self-centered asshole that Kyuubi could never stand (7), while the former had tried to seal the Kyuubi even further AND had nearly killed Naruto (and Kyuubi) twice.
The Kyuubi needed the Godaime to stay around for a long, LONG time to help keep it and Naruto safe. And that's where subtly manipulating Naruto came into play. The Kyuubi knew that about Tsunade's Souzou Saisei, and the technique was quite amazing and useful considering the fact that, despite her otherwise impressive lineage, Tsunade was still an ordinary mortal. But the Kyuubi had also heard about the after-effects of the technique.
But the Kyuubi was an old and cunning creature. It had found what humans deemed the Fountain of Youth as part of it's various intellectual pursuits in the past and managed to piece the chemical apart. If it was correct, Tsunade wouldn't be affected time, even if she used the Souzou Saisei repeatedly, for the next thirty to fifty years, which would be ample time to get rid of Orochimaru, Kabuto and the Akatsuki. It would have lessened the effect, but it was too troublesome to bother.
Still, it sorely doubted that it's aid would be appreciated by anyone, regardless of how helpful it all turned out. People tended to hold a massive grudge against it for the slaughter thirteen years ago, yet most of those hypocritical humans would treat insects or 'lesser animals' the same way the Kyuubi had treated the Konoha Nin. And most humans wouldn't care about if any insects or 'lesser animals' held any sort of grudge against them until they fell into a situation that forced them to consider those feelings.
So too was it with the Kyuubi no Kitsune. Shortly after it started to make concessions to Naruto, it had found that it's developing form of empathy for Naruto's situation was likely no different than a human's when they accidentally stepped on a fire ant mound: Vaguely sorry because of the act itself, but mostly sorry because of the retaliatory actions of those they stepped on.
It was far from easy hijacking a Kage Bunshin Naruto's mind and body to make the delivery, but the Kyuubi knew it needed a way to get away in case the plan went wrong. Shizune had returned to see the real Naruto just turn off the bunson burner, but the Kage Bunshin Naruto had made was already sneaking back upstairs, disguising the youth formula as tea.
The Kyuubi made a plausible lie about Shizune sending up some energizing herbal tea to help Tsunade stay awake while the soldier pills formed to get into the room and get Tsunade to drink. It was only after she'd consumed the first cupful and sighed in relief as she actually did feel better that she noticed Naruto's red-slitted eyes.
"Wha-" Tsunade began before she realized the strange Naruto had already paralyzed her with his gaze. The Kyuubi inwardly cursed as it had forgotten the effect of it's presence on Naruto's body, but that was because most people didn't bother to look at Naruto's eyes unless they actually wanted to meet his gaze and the Chuunin guarding the door were hardly going to pay attention to the Kyuubi container.
This is best for both of you. the Kyuubi thought before grabbing the tea pot and forcing Tsunade's mouth open, Doubt you two will thank me for this.
As the Kyuubi forced the rest of the formula down Tsunade's throat, he gave his best Rodney Dangerfield impression, despite the fact that no one but he would get it, "I get no respect, I tells ya, no respect at all."
Once the formula was consumed in its entirety, the Kyuubi used the last of it's will to melt the tea set, the last recoverable traces of the formula gone from existance. After all, it wanted to perserve the Godaime, not give all humans a free pass to immortality. The effeminate body-jumping freak of a Snake Sannin was already one immortal too many. Any more was absolutely out of the question.
The Kyuubi didn't actually know much about ninja arts, despite it's awesome chakra capacity and long life, but it had picked up the Oroike No Jutsu and crossed it a bit with a normal henge.
The end result was a pale-skinned woman with long red hair and the Kyuubi's original golden eyes wearing a black leather coat with a fur collar in a scandalously low position leapt out the Hokage's window, cackling evilly as Shizune and the real Naruto burst into the Hokage's office.
"Tsunade-sama! Are you all right?" Shizune asked.
"No... I feel..." Tsunade began as the paralysis wore off, "...awesome?"
Tsunade blinked in confusion, then pointed at Naruto, "Turn around and don't look back unless I tell you to."
Naruto's face reflected the same sort of confusion Tsunade's had, but turned away. Shizune looked at Tsunade with no small amount of concern as Tsunade did the one thing she hadn't done since she was thirty years old.
She dropped her henge.
And stared at length at her youthful body.
"What the-" Tsunade began, which brought Naruto's attention and his overwhelming curiosity had his head turning to look before he could stop it.
"TSUNADE-OBA-CHAN IS... TSUNADE-ONEECHAN?!" Naruto asked, staring at what looked like a seventeen year old woman with Tsunade's hair style and forehead chakra seal. Tsunade glared at him, but the damage was done. What the damage was could be harder to determine.
"...do you think this might have been intentionally done?" Shizune asked.
Tsunade's confused look indicated that she wasn't following Shizune's logic.
"Maybe they knew they couldn't kill you with an obvious poison, so they might have tried to render you incapable of being the Godaime." Shizune theoried.
Tsunade considered that. Given that most people considered her at least fifty years old, if someone were trying to discredit her by making her too young to remain in office, they'd probably have been going off the estimates of her 'official' age, not the age her body was actually at due to the Souzou Saisei. If they'd made her ten years old, her chakra levels wouldn't be nearly as advanced and her control would be messed up. As it was, they'd reversed her to her prime.
"Maybe. I want answers. Naruto, try and track down that woman with your Kage Bunshin!" Tsunade ordered, before turning to Shizune, "Give a Hunter Nin team her description. I want her in Ibiki's office so we can get some answers."
"What about-" Shizune began.
"We'll deal with the eventual side effects later. I can't draw whatever it is out, so it's not a poison..." Tsunade reasoned.
No matter how hard they'd tried, they couldn't find a trace of the woman who'd attacked Tsunade.
Little did everyone know that the Kage Bunshin the Kyuubi had taken over had been allowed to hit the ground, vanishing in a puff of smoke. They would try to find her, but to no avail, and the Kyuubi was firmly back behind it's seal, massive damage having been done to it's psyche for pulling the lengthy stunt to give the Godaime her youth back. It would have to heal for quite a while before it could even given Naruto any of it's "intellectual opinions", so the Kyuubi hoped that Naruto wouldn't need it's wit and wisdom very much.
Tsunade had been forced to live with the irony of having to pretend to be much older than she actually was, something she hadn't done since she and Orochimaru had been convinced by Jiraiya to see a topless revue in Iwagakure(8) when the then-genins had been with Sarutobi on a diplomatic mission, instead of younger like she had the last twenty years.
Though she was younger, Tsunade had been returned to her prime, when her chakra was actually stronger, and with the advanced control she had developed with age, she had restored Rock Lee to action much faster than she'd originally anticipated. It wasn't long before the two Beasts of Konoha, Gai and Lee, were happily hugging while crying overly dramatic tears.
Still, Tsunade continually expected the other shoe to drop and revert to her former age, but when that shoe never dropped, it surprised both the Godaime and the Kyuubi greatly. Both the Godaime and the Kyuubi figured that the youthful appearance was just a temporary side effect, but the Kyuubi had anticipated the Godaime to return to her former age and then stay there for the next few decades.
Naruto, surprisingly enough, managed to keep the secret of Tsunade's restored youth quiet. Ironically, it was Tsunade herself who wound up revealing the secret when some of the old hags in the village, the sort who'd made it a point to mock everyone (Naruto especially), had commented that Tsunade's boobs would be dragging on the ground within a year.
Tsunade would always regret dropping her henge and flashing her slightly smaller, but much younger and firmer, boobs at the jealous crones, as Jiraiya just happened to be turning the corner and just HAPPENED to have a high-quality digital camera ready for just such a moment.
No one knew WHY Jiraiya was ready for that sort of moment, but then again, Super Perverts are hard enough to understand normally.(9)
Parallel to all of this and just as long, though hardly that intriguing when it came down to it, Sasuke and Sakura would have their own strange little adventure when they, Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon were hired by the local bowling alley to try and drum up some interest in the sport.
Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon bowled for free while Sasuke and Sakura were in charge of the shoe rental, when an onsite film crew recording a show calling "Bowling Shinobi" was attacked by a group of terrorists led by Mizuki, who had chosen to wear a cheezy brown sentai outfit more appropriate for a children's party, and called himself "Mega Turkey".(10) He declared his minions, a group composed of emo-teens and rabid bowling fans, the "7-10 Split Boys".(11)
The two paid "bowling idols", Tayuya of the Hidden Village of "Sight" (12) and Anko Mitarashi, were captured (13), along with the rather bullheaded Sasuke who refused to avoid a fight, especially when he was up against the crackpot traitor chuunin Mizuki. Crackpot or not, Sasuke got his thirteen year old ass handed to him rather easily by the more experienced twenty-something man.(14)
Normal Sakura had been so shocked by Sasuke's overwhelming defeat that Inner Sakura had to come out and save the day by beating "Mega Turkey" and the "7-10 Split Boys".
While watching in awe at the semi-stupid but inspiring battle between Inner Sakura and Mega Turkey Mizuki, Tayuya would come to learn about love and honor and learning to only talk dirty during sex. Eventually, two minutes after the end of the musical number that Anko had sung while watching the fight, she and Jirobou had found the Legendary Sannin Jiraiya and gotten him to seal their seals (being a Seal Master, Jiraiya could easily undo anything Orochimaru set up) and skipped off to have plenty of wild and crazy sex in Wave Country, which earned a new connotation for it's name because the island started rockin' when those two started knockin'.(15)
Udon's new found love of bowling caused him became one of the frothing masses of bowling fans; Moegi would be admitted to the hospital for trying to eat some of the dango Anko had laid claim to; Konohamaru would bowl an average of 137; and Sasuke would have a dirty word tattooed right next to the Heaven Seal by Inner Sakura (who had taken a strong disliking to the arrogant douche bag back during the second trial of the Chuunin Exams and was just now taking her revenge).
Normal Sakura, on the other hand, would eventually take control again and snap a few lewd photos of herself with the unconscious Uchiha as blackmail material; then wound up hauling a bloated and whining Anko to the hospital, where the Special Jonin would be told she needed to have stomach pumped. And the former student of Orochimaru was also told that she would need to brush her teeth several times a day for the next month to prevent being forced to see Morino Ibiki, whose official position was actually Ninja Dentist, not Chief of Interrogation or even Certified Alchemy Instructor.(16)
Anko wept bitter tears for about four minutes before taking up a newer and greater love of salted fried squid on a stick.
Each of Kakashi's Kage Bunshin wound up in a challenge, but surprisingly none of the challenges came from Gai. Ebisu apparently had gotten a figurative bug up his butt about Kakashi's habit of continually reading his precious Icha Icha Paradise books. Ebisu's Kage Bunshin continually challenged Kakashi's, forcing them all to swear never to read the book in public if he lost (which the Kage Bunshin would agree to, but upon it's surprising loss would proclaim that since he was not the real Kakashi, it wouldn't affec the real one).
Once his Kage Bunshin were all schooled, Kakashi made it a point to check whether or not Ebisu was in the area before whipping out his favorite book and to stop and monitor his surroundings, in case the Special Jonin manage to get the drop on him.
Luckily for Kakashi, Gai had found out about Ebisu's tactics and made it a point to challenge Ebisu prior to challenging Kakashi, since victory over the Special Jonin would increase his chances of certain victory of Kakashi.
And everyone was able to live happily ever after.
Except Sasuke, 'cause he's a douche bag.
This story was partly inspired by the side effects of the Godaime's technique, but also provoked by the number of Uber-Naruto fanfics where Naruto lets Tsunade go through the events that force her to use that technique, despite being fully capable of stopping Orochimaru.
Most of the rest of the weirdness came from feeling the chapter wasn't complete without mentioning some of the other loose ends.
(1) - The Nidaime called Sarutobi "Monkey" in the Sandaime's flashbacks. Since "Saru" mean "Monkey" and he summons the Monkey King Enma, I figure that it would be fitting for his name to have two Sarus in it, give that his name would effectivelly making him twice the monkey that any other monkey is.
(2) - The Sand are listed as secondary since the Sound had been in far greater numbers. In fact, the Sand only had four actual nin in Konoha, considering Orochimaru had killed the true Kazekage and his two bodyguards.
(3) - 'Base Nin' isn't a real term, but I felt there should be a name for Pre-Genin status. Base Nin implies that they've got the basics, nothing more.
(4) - What? You don't think he just sits around, waiting for the chuunin exams or a prisoner to torture, do you?
(5) - Only on making ointments to cure burns and prevent infections. But honestly, other than that, most injuries nin encounter simply require bandaging, or would require a medic nin (or the full medic nin training) anyway.
(6) - Preferably to the tune of Linkin Park's "Crawling In My Skin" to stroke their petty egos further.
(7) - OH, the IRONY!
(8) - Tsunade had liked the dancing and it was all well choreographed, but she and Orochimaru still refused to attend another.
(9) - Actually, he just used his Summon Digital Camera No Jutsu.
(10) - If you've seen Excel Saga Episode 9, you know where this is going.
(11) - The emo-teens had low self esteem, so Mizuki could easily bully them into doing what he wanted them to.
(12) - Heavy Sarcasm Oh yeah, she's REALLY deep undercover, folks. /Heavy Sarcasm
(13) - Mizuki offered Anko all the free dango she could eat inbetween takes AND was paying her an A-rank mission fee if she took a dive.
(14) - Sorry to any Sasuke fans out there, but Naruto beat Mizuki because of sheer numbers and the element of surprise. Sasuke has neither numbers nor is he very good at surprising anyone.
(15) - Knocking boots... THEY'RE HAVING SEX! SHEESH!
(16) - Then again, it would be so easy to cross the two jobs. Just the threat of a root canal with no novacaine... BRRR! I'd spill my guys the instant I saw that drill. Morino Ibiki is one heck of a multi-talented guy!