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Siuan inwardly steamed, the injustice swelled up and threatened to engulf her and the precarious hold on her temper she had managed. Since Egwenes abduction and imprisonment in the white tower Siuan had lost all influence in the Hall and with other sisters. Many who where sworn to Egwene knew her position but without the Amyrlin present to enforce them to obey… Siuan was friendless in a world of people she had once overruled and controlled. Now many knew her as the Sanche girl, or the Old Amyrlin, never Siuan Sedai.

Looking for someone to vent her anger upon, Siuan quickly realised it was to late or any novices or accepted to be around and Siuan certainly was without allies enough to warrant any attack upon a weaker sister as out of order. The sleeping tents seemed well away from the meeting and office ones, many sisters had begun sleeping in their offices to lessen the risk of attack when travelling, so it was common to see warders waiting outside tents even this late at night.

The former Amyrlin took no pains to avoid the muddy puddles or seek shelter once it began to rain, the shower began to slowly but steadily increase as the her tent became closer. Though the wind didn't reach this far into the trees, the leafless vegetation failed to stop the rain pelting through the branches. The part of her mind that didn't seethe in anger had begun to wallow in despair, their was no thought left to erect a simple shield of air to protect her.

As the rain trickled mercilessly down Siuan's dress, she looked into the sky and screamed. The ear piercing noise had cause grey birds to fly from their dry perches out into the rain, and a bustle from inside the tent told her that its other occupant had noticed as well. The tent flap flew open and Siuan's breath caught. Gareth ran into the rain, wearing only leather trousers and blacked boots, a plain sword was held high in his hands, I love him.

Siuan virtually slapped herself as the thought came, moments passed, his eyes fell on her, taking in her soaking appearance but he did nothing. The silence stretched out before Siuan shivered and life was returned to the pair. Running forward Gareth virtually dragged her into the tent, Siuan only a step behind felt very little indignation at the fact. "You'd better remove that dress." The ex Amyrlin started at his comment, her thoughts still dwelled on the sight of him running out and the thought that had accompanied it.

His hand had remained on her arm and the skin began to tingle, her throat clenched and movement seemed impossible, he tilted her head with her other arm and spoke again. "Your scream could have attracted more attention than you want at the moment," he obviously noticed the quizzical look her in eyes, "The former Amyrlin was know to be a great woman, admittedly with a temper but with fair judgement and decorum. What had happened to you Siuan? What has made you so unrecognisable to your friends?"

"Her voice took little time gathering its self again, "I am the woman I was." Suian noted the pained look as he shook his head slightly, seeking to clarify she muttered again. "I can not change my personality, it is beyond any man or woman to do."

"It is not your personality that has changed Siuan, deep down you are the woman you once was, but on the surface? You have changed completely. I know I cannot understand the effects of stilling, nor what Nynaeve Sedai did to you to heal you. Nor can I ever know what that means to you. But when you appeared to have lost everything, back when I had you on trial. I saw your eyes and I loved you. I loved you for being you. You still had the fire and heart you always had, but it was open…. Now you have something's back and you seem destroyed over lost pride."

"Pride!" Siuan's outburst had shocked even herself. He loved me! She pushed that to the back of her mind before continuing. "My pride is none of your concern! In any case, my pride has nothing to do with this!"

"You are wrong Aes Sedai," Hearing him revert to her title she barely suppressed a wince. "I know about your little set-to with Romanda, I know Egwene had given you back some power and influence, and I know now you have no control over anything. You are virtually friendless here. Even Leane appears to have left you know Egwene is gone. I followed you to Salidar not out of anger that the Amyrlin had escaped me, not even out of a sense of justice to track down 3 lawbreaking women. I followed you, not the other. I followed for the blue eyes that so challenged me whilst their owner pleaded innocence and meekness. I can do little for you wounded pride Aes Sedai, but let me do something for my aching heart. I love you."

The softness of his voice caressed the last three words so Siuan could barely hear them. She grasped at words she couldn't form and tried to voice her thought, the barely coherent babble caused the man to smile, the smile brought warmth and gave her senses back into her control. He didn't seem to be struggling with his words now, shy was she? I love him to, why can't I say it? "My heart knows you feel the same Siuan. All I need are those three words from you, if not I shall leave you be. I shall tell the Hall that your debt is settled; we shall rarely see one another again. Is that what you want?"

When he finished Siuan stepped forward, now pressed up against him she touched his cheek, the rain had dried or dripped off but a faint dampness still remained. The hand trailed down his neck following the curves of his body, his chest moved lightly as her hand caressed him, allowing her hand to fall to her side she stood on her toes, and lightly kissed his lips. His arms quickly enveloped her soaking form, kissing her with a vigour no other woman had caused.

When they had lost all sense of time or motive they slowed, and Siuan's unstable balance on her toes faltered. They just stood in each other's arms, neither willing to move incase they woke or the dream changed. But it was no dream, Siuan took her time catching her breath, her voice was strong and steady when it proclaimed her love, Gareth smiled into her hair but didn't loosen his hold.

Gareth finally loosened his arms as she spoke again. "I know not how long I have loved you, but the sight of you running into the rain with your sword unsheathed and clad in very little perhaps made me realise there is more to life that influence, logic and pain. I once thought that I could live life without love, that my heart would only bring pain in the end. I had no need for the protection a mans arms could bring, or the relief a loving heart could cause. I was a woman peerless among my sisters, I couldn't show weakness to any, and in my eyes Love was a weakness I wouldn't tolerate."

"You have no need to hide weakness now, my heart. Neither of us has been very good with love before. I saw the woman behind Morgase, but I felt no love. Admiration, yes. But how can you love a woman such as her? She didn't have the good fortune as you to fall from such heights before her death. She has never been able to understand the things you now can. Perhaps you loss of power has give you more than you realise. Experience and a knowledge that life without love is intolerable. It is a lesson I had to learn the same way as you. Perhaps falling from great heights is often the best way to learn, the higher you go the further you fall.

Siuan kissed him again, shortly before he spoke. "Perhaps though I do know one remedy for wounded pride…." His voice trailed of as his eyes found their way over to the bed. Siuan nodded smoothly, "That is one remedy I believe we could both need."


As the faint dawn glow lit the tent through the trees Siuan smiled caressing her lovers hair intimately, his words last night had haunted her dreams, the higher you go the further you fall. As Siuan lay there she began to mull her worries over, I can only hope that I have not sent Egwene to the same fate I had, or worse. Hard as she might try, the memories of their lovemaking had no impact at removing the possibilities in his words last night.

The higher you go the further you fall.


I am not sure whether I should just leave this as a One-shot or carry on with it or a bit, please let me know what you think… Please?

All reviews are welcome; this is the first Siuan x Gareth thing I've written so please be nice. I would love any reviews at all so even if they say something like "it was OK" or "tolerable". Please, it really cheers you up when you log on to find a review. Thanks