Spencer sat behind Ashley in the tub, cradling her as they both soaked and relaxed in the warm bubble bath. They had sat in compatible silence for nearly five minutes when Ashley finally broke in and began to speak.
"Spence, do you ever feel like it'll never be enough?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, no matter what you do, no matter how happy someone tries to make you, no matter how much money you have or how much stuff you have, that none of it, nothing will ever make you feel whole?"
"Maybe, sometimes, I know I felt kind of empty before I moved here. I was sad all time, I was depressed. And then after I met you, it was like a missing piece had been found, and I felt happy, for the first time in a long time."
"Me too, I was so glad when we became friends, and then when we got together, I thought my heart would explode, it was so much and I had never felt that way before. And believe me, you make me happier than I think I've ever been. Bu then lately – and I don't want you to think this has anything to do with you – I've just been feeling kind of crappy. Like nothing I do will change that, that I can't fight it or make it better, that I won't be that happy again, and I don't understand it."
"Have I ever told you that I take an anti-depressant everyday? It keeps me leveled out I guess. I don't really talk about it that much, but before you knew me, I was really depressed, so much so that I had to start taking meds to help me get better. I think they help me. I don't feel as bad as I did, but I think you have helped me too, more so than the meds. But I take them because I had, sometimes still have, a lot of things running through my head, kind of what you're describing to me."
"So you think maybe I'm sick?"
"Not sick, just that maybe with the death of your father, the absence of support around for most of your life, and just some general stuff, maybe it's all catching up to you. I think sometimes we need more help than we would like to admit, and yeah, maybe me taking meds means I am sick, but I think of it more as something that aids me to get back to what I was. Maybe you just need a little help, you hold so much in Ashley, and I know you're trying to let your walls down, but maybe you need more than just me."
"Maybe, thank you for sharing that with me Spencer. I had no idea, and I don't think you're sick. Gosh, there's so much we don't know about each other, it's kind of scary, but at the same time I like discovering something new about you. You're my everything Spence, you know that? I don't think I would have survived these last few months without you."
"I'm glad I was here, and I always will be. And whatever you decide to do, I will support you, and be there every step of the way. But right now, I think we should get out of the tub, you're getting all pruney, it's a little gross."
"Spencer Carlin, how could you say such a thing. I thought you loved me?"
"I do Ashley, more than I know how to express, come on, the waters starting to get cold anyway."
Uncertain of whether what Ashley had told her earlier was really what was bothering the girl, Spencer at least felt somewhat relieved that she had been confided in to some degree.
A few hours had passed and Ashley had now woken up form their nap, wrapped up in Spencer's arms protectively. She slowly untangled herself and went into the bathroom.
Spencer woke up feeling around the bed for Ashley. Realizing the other girl was gone, she decided to get up and go look for her. As she made her way over to the bathroom, the door was opened and she saw Ashley standing in front of the sink just staring at the mirror. She stopped by the door to see if the brunette would notice, after another minuet concern overtook her and she went into the bathroom and wrapped her arms around her lover from behind.
"What? Yeah, yeah morning baby."
"Ash, what's wrong? You were totally lost there, just staring off into the mirror."
"Just thinking I guess."
"You want to talk about it?"
"I feel like I'm losing you."
"What? How do mean, because last I checked, you had me and I'm not going anywhere."
"It's just this weird feeling. Like because I can't figure out whatever is bothering me, I'm pushing you away, and I'll eventually lose you if I can't talk to you."
"I may not like it Ashley, that you have trouble communicating some times, but that is never going to make me leave. I knew that about you before we got serious, and I know that no matter what, unless you really want me to leave, I will never leave you. And even then, it will be pretty hard to get me to go."
"I don't ever want you to leave me Spence, ever."
"Then I won't, it's settled."
The girls spent the rest of the morning lazily watching TV. Spencer didn't think Ashley was going to talk anymore, but she was surprised when the brunette broke the silence.
"Do they help?"
"Does what help?"
"The meds, do you think they really help?"
"Yes, I do. I mean it's not like I take the pill and then I'm happy, there's more to it than that, but yes I think they help. You also help me a lot too, and the fact that my mother isn't around as much so she isn't on my case as much, that helps a lot too. But mostly I think they are an aid to the other things that help me."
"Do you think that might be what's wrong with me? DO you think I need to be medicated?"
"I don't know. I do think maybe you need a little help, and maybe an anti-depressant may help you, maybe not. And you won't be medicated, you'll just be taking a little something to help even you out. If you really think that maybe you are depressed or its something along those lines, or something completely different, I'll be there every step of the way if you want me to."
"So you'll come to the doctor's with me?"
"Anytime baby, I'll always be here for you."