Invader Sideos: WELCOME! To a classic tale of HORROR and supernatural beasties!

Yes that's right, this is some good ol' fashioned, bone-a-fied fan fiction right here homies.

No angst cutter crap, no soppy romance, no 50 chapter long epic-ness. This is back to basics, well written, in character goodness that we all know this site needs more of. Of course, that's not to say it has its…twists and turns and that things that will make you read twice in shock of its Norris-like greatness.

But when a fic gets written by people like Sideos and Sanoon, that's all in the package baby…

Btw John Garry was the voice actor to the mysterious mysteries presenter.

Sanoon: Hey...its originality at it's finest. I'm here to serve, myself. You all just seem to benefit from that. Lucky you. The first person to guess who wrote which parts will get a stuffed monkey. Stuffed with bombs, which will detonate on your doorstep. Good luck.

I don't own Invader Zim, some loser called Vasquez does.


"You are about to hear a true story, a story of horror and the darkness of the things in the shadows," The man in the FBI suit said as a large question mark flew across the screen.

Dib took another drink of his poop cola and crossed his feet onto the coffee table.

The show continued as a fat, sweaty looking man in a dirty t-shirt came on the screen. "I's done saw em with my own two eyes. Day's came outta the shadows and den tore my dog, Woofy, apart with dem dere claws. Sharp as ma Uncle Bob's butcher knifes, I'll tell you what. And dey were and dripping with blood, too. I ain't ever seen nuttin like it."

Dib leaned forward and took notes, five years of watching and he had never missed an episode. Even if it had meant invoking the wrath of Gaz, he still kept his fanatic loyalty to the show.

The original presenter had been replaced after he went crazy. The show was now sponsored by the FBI, which basically made the whole thing an excuse for the FBI to put forth whatever explanation they wanted for the paranormal activities, much to Dib's protests.

The camera switched to the presenter, a smart looking suit with slicked back hair and an ever-perfect smile. "So tell me, at what time did this whole event happen?"

The fat hick quickly spat out, "It was late, like two o'clock in dah mornin. Me and the boys done went to a ho-down in the ol' county barn."

"Uh-huh, and had you been drinking that night?"

"Well, Billy done bring a few beers and said we all could have em. So I done have…maybe a few beers, cause I was the designated driver, ya see."

The commentator just raised an eyebrow at the redneck before shaking his head slowly.

He turned to the camera, "Tune in next week for more stories about what goes bump in the night. Until next time, goodnight, and sleep tight."

He gave another flashing smile and the credits rolled on, Dib turned of the TV in a huff.

"They didn't even give him a chance to explain what the thing was," He sighed, "That shows gone downhill since John Garry left."

He drank the last of his cola and got up, walking into the kitchen. Sitting at the table was Gaz immersed in her latest game. Dib decided to move as quietly as possible though the kitchen, as to not disturb her. Also he had drunk the last poop cola, and he didn't want to draw that to Gaz's attention till he was safely locked in his room.

He slowly opened the bin, pressing down on the pedal with his foot, being careful not to make it clang. He then placed the poop cola can in the bin and gently lifted his foot off the pedal. He darted a look at Gaz, who seemed to be still immersed in her game.

Slowly he began to tip toe out of the kitchen, keeping an eye on Gaz all the time. He got to the hall and, more quickly, began to climb the stairs. Just has he got to the top of the stairs, he looked back. No Gaz. He sighed and smiled, he had gotten away with it.

Then he turned back around to face a very angry Gaz.

The shock of her being there made him jump, he almost fell down the stairs and he had to grab the handrail to stop himself.

Gaz narrowed her eyes and growled. Dib could see how angry she was because despite her eyes being narrowed he could clearly see the dark fire burning within them.

She grabbed the scruff of his shirt in a tight fist and threw him against the wall. Despite her petite form, she still managed to make the taller boy shake in fear. "You took the last poop cola."

Dib stammered as he said, "H-h-how did you get past me?"

Gaz growled, "That doesn't matter. What matters is you took what was mine."

Dib tried to reason with her. "P-p-please Gaz. It was just a cola..."

"NO DIB!" Gaz almost screamed at him, "It was MY cola, and for taking it, you must pay the price."

"Please, no Gaz."

Gaz grinned sadistically as she drove a fist into her brother's stomach. Dib fell onto the floor doubling over as he did, the wind knocked swiftly out of him. He stayed like that, his face screwed up in pain and self-pity that he couldn't even stand up to his younger, smaller sister. He listened as she walked off chuckling like it was all a joke. After he heard her boots clack on the tiles of the kitchen he painfully pulled himself up the wall and staggered into his room, making sure to lock the door first.

He collapsed onto his bed. He curled up, trying to make himself as small as possible, trying to ease the pain. The pain of his stomach had faded to a soft throb and his breath had returned to him, but this was not the pain he was trying to ease.

It was the pain inside. The pain of having his sister regularly beat him up, the pain of being labelled a loser in Hi-Skool, the pain of Zim being considered more normal then he was.

It hurt.


"Dib, you're late," Ms. Bitters, who had been transferred to the Hi-Skool one year after a freak accident with an ant left two kid paralysed waist down, growled as the young boy who was breathing heavily ran into the room. Ms. Bitters now taught English and Human Studies.

"Sorry Ms. Bitters," the teen apologized as he walked over to his seat. "I could swear I saw some pixies this morning near the park."

"Still chasing the paranormal Dib," Ms Bitters said with a somewhat creepy tone.

This statement caused some laughter to generate from the other kids in the class. "I found pixies at the park," Zeta mocked, trying her best to imitate Dib's voice while adding a slightly retarded tone to it.

"Fag," said one of the larger boys in the back of the room.

Dib glared at the kids as he scanned the room from his seat. He was even more angered when he saw Zim laughing. Zim!? Does he even know what a pixie is?

"Quiet!" Ms. Bitters growled to the class. The humiliating laughter that filled the room instantly died down. After peering into the souls of the children for a quick second, Ms. Bitters turned around to write something on the chalkboard.

Despite the fact that he was now in Hi-Skool, most of the kids he went to class with in elementary school were in this one class.

The humiliated boy observed what Ms. Bitters was writing. Suddenly, something wet hit him in the back of the head. Dib quickly brought his hand to the back of his head to discover what it was that hit him, even though he already had a good idea. His hand slowly grazed across the object. Instantly, Dib's eyes closed and he stuck his tongue out of his mouth in a disgusted manor. He was right about what the object was. A nice sized, juicy spitball.

Dib turned his head to see who shot a spitball at him, and saw Torque trying not to laugh. When the bully saw Dib, he stuck out his tongue at the boy and then tried not to laugh again. When Dib turned back around, he noticed that he was clenching his fist. Sighing, Dib unclenched his hand and looked at the chalkboard again.

The morning passed quickly for some, but for one, it went to slow. For that incident was just the first. Many more spit balls later, the lunch bell rang, releasing the hungry kids to their poor lunchy fate.

Dib had grabbed his food and had already seated himself at his usual seat. It wasn't long before his sister had taken her seat next to her brother. Normally, she would have been silent and played her Gameslave 4, but today called for a different course of action from her.

"So, word around the skool is that you're gay," Gaz said, her mouth forming a small smile.

"What!? No, you heard wrong," Dib said, somewhat annoyed.

"I don't think so," Gaz replied. "Everyone's saying it."

The boy sighed and laid his head on the table. "Why do the kids mock me?"

"Because you're an easy target," Gaz replied. "It's not like you do anything to stop them. Now be quiet. I just started a new game and I need to level up my character."

Dib lifted his head and glanced over at Zim. He was putting small pieces of food into an alien device. It was probably for testing the food. Perfect chance. Quickly and silently, Dib stood up and walked over to Zim's table. The strangely tall Irken didn't even notice him.

Some years ago, Zim managed to increase his height by some means. Dib never really confronted the alien to find out, mostly because he never got around to it. The Irken's concentration on his device was broken when a human hand reached over the alien's shoulder and grabbed the small, purple device from his hands.

"Dib-human, give that back!" Zim shouted as he tried to grab the device from the teen's hands.

"Not today Zim," Dib said with a grin. The paranormal investigator ran to the middle of the room and held the small device into the air. "Look everyone!" Dib shouted, and indeed, everyone did look. "Look at this alien device Zim has!"

Zim ran up to Dib with an angry scowl on his face. Before he got a chance to try to reach out and retrieve his device, he noticed the entire cafeteria observing him. "You speak lies human!" Zim shouted, trying to put on a convincing act to the students. "This 'device' is nothing more than a storage unit for my HIDEOUS food."

The kids nodded their heads in agreement. "What kind of 'storage unit' displays alien markings on the screen…or even has a screen for that matter?" Dib said angrily due to the extreme stupidity of the skool body.

One of the popular girls quickly interjected, "Dib, We're all tired of hearing your crazy stories about how Zim is an alien. In fact, he's more normal than you."

The world around the boy stopped. 'He's more normal than you,' his mind repeated. 'He's more normal than you.' Dib's mind barely recollected that fact that Zim grabbed the device out of his hand, and with a happy glee, walked back to his table while glancing back to see Dib's face.

He was dumbstruck. 'He's more normal than you.' How was Zim more normal than him? That little alien was too stupid to blend in properly. Dib even saw him outside of his house a few times without his disguise on! But…'He's more normal than you.' How?

For a few minutes, Dib stood there with a blank, disbelieving stare. It wasn't until another spitball, fired by Torque, hit him on his left sleeve, did he realize that he had been standing in the middle of the lunchroom for several minutes. With a sigh, and holding back a tear, he made his way to his seat.

The teen glanced at his food tray. He hadn't touched it at all, but after what had just happened, he wasn't very hungry.

Ms Bitters was teaching the class the differences between the Bubonic Plague and the Flu for Human Studies that day. Dib wasn't paying much attention though, and he assumed the class wasn't either. Not that they rarely did anyhow.

The kid who sat behind Dib opened up his desk and pulled out a small, flat, circular object with a red blinking light on top. Slowly, he reached the object forward…until.

"Spanky!" Ms. Bitters shouted as she turned around. "You were directly told not too remove the landmines from the parking lot." This remark instantly brought Dib's attention behind him. Spanky had a landmine! And was going to place it on his back!

"Those landmines are there to demonstrate the harsh reality of dating." Did these kids hate him that much?


Dib got up. He had been lying on his bed thinking for so long he had only just noticed that the sun had gone down. He looked to his alarm clock and it flashed half eleven.

"Good, Gaz must be asleep by now," he mumbled to himself. He realised he hadn't actually eaten anything since he had came in and he couldn't handle facing Gaz right now.

Still, he took precaution as he peeped round his door, making sure that no one was in the house. He tiptoed to the edge of the stairs, giving the hall a final check as he crept down.

No one; Gaz was definitely asleep. Dib sighed in relief and stopped his silent approach. Gaz was a heavy sleeper, which is why Dib loved the night more then the day.

He quickly made some insta-pizza and looked out the window into the night and up to the stars. There was something about the starts that always relaxed him so. The idea of infinite life, of infinite possibilities. The night held so many secrets, secrets he loved nothing more then to reveal.

Dib sighed, "If only someone out there would believe me."

He turned back to the house and spotted Gaz's gameslave on the kitchen table. Suddenly he felt like he couldn't be here any longer, like Gaz was at any moment going to come down and beat him for disobedience.

He needed to get out of this claustrophobic atmosphere as soon as he possibly could. And that was going to be rather soon.

He finished his pizza and walked quickly towards the door, grabbing a set of keys as he went. As he walked out he didn't know where he would go, he just knew he could stay in this prison a moment longer.


Dib walked into another dark back ally, his hands tucked into his trench coat pockets making him seem thinner then he already was. He didn't know how long he had been walking, hours maybe. It could have been weeks for all he cared. Dib was lost in his own thoughts, most of them involving Gaz and a baseball bat. He couldn't help but grin at his homicidal thoughts, oh what he would give to really have the power to get revenge for a lifetime of hate.

He felt the warm, bubbling feeling of anger rise within him. His hands clenched into fists and his smile turned to a scowl. "Those bastards. I'd show them all, I'd show them..."

He kicked a can angrily and watched it as it bounced along the floor. It stopped at the foot of someone and Dib looked up.

What he saw took his breath away. Standing at the entrance to a gothic looking underground nightclub was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. She was thin and tall and looked slightly older then he was, twenty perhaps. She wore a black skimpy shirt, bearing a bright white skull on the front. She wore big, black, baggy pants adorned with more useless chains than could ever be needed. Her shoes were concealed, but they seemed to be black, like everything else she had on. Her skin was deathly pale though, and her black lipstick and eye shadow gave her a grim look. She had multiple nose and ear piercings and a necklace that with a metal tooth at the end of it. Her bright red eyes almost seemed to flash as she looked at the young man in front of her, and her black hair fell over one shoulder as she daintily held a cigarette in one hand.

Dib stood there, mouth open in awe and she looked back. She smiled in an almost predatory way and licked her lips. Then she dropped her cigarette and turned into the club. Before she entered, she looked back to Dib and winked.

Dib stood, gazing open mouthed at the spot where she had just been. Suddenly the world came flying back in and he shook his head. There was something about that woman. Some unnatural beauty about her, some dark alluring force that had quite literally made him stop dead in his tracks.

Whatever it was, Dib wanted to see her again, and he quickly ran into the club.

After descending a long, circling flight of stairs he came to the entrance. A big iron door stood in his way and behind it he could here the sound of heavy goth rock being played. He knocked nervously on the door.

A small slide opened with a violent clang and a pair of small eyes looked out at him, "Wadd'ya want?"

"Err, can I come in?"

The eyes narrowed, "How old are ya?"

"Twenty one," Dib quickly lied.

The eyes narrowed in scrutiny, "How much money have ya got?"

Dib went into his inner pocket and pulled out a bunch of twenties. Being the son of a scientist had its advantages.

The eyes narrowed more and there was a grunt of acceptance. The eye slit clanged back into place and the door opened. It seemed the eyes belonged to a very heavy looking, bald bouncer. Dib walked quickly past and into the crowd of people. They were all wearing black of some sort; they also all had makeup on, even most of the boys.

Dib navigated his way though the crowd carefully, making sure not to make any eye contact while looking for the girl outside the club.

He eventually managed to push his way to a rail overlooking the main dance floor. It was a mass of swaying bodies, black clothes, bad makeup and pale skin. Most of the crowds hands where in the air swaying in time to the music. It seemed that finding his girl may be much harder then he first thought.

Dib looked up and saw that there was a live band on. They looked like any stereotypical rock band; the front man was topless and had skin-tight leather pants with cowboy boots. The lead guitarist had a huge mass of black hair that seemed to rise of his head. He too wore skin-tight pants and cowboy boots. The other guitarist had a top hat on, shades, and a mass of curly hair fell on each side. He was leaning right back and was in the midst of a rather impressive solo. The bassist was kneeling into the crowd scowling and playing his instrument over them, like the singer, he was topless. The drummer was going mad at the back, pouring water over himself every few minutes and screwing his face up in the mood of the music.

Dib leaned on the rail and watched them play while scanning his eyes over the crowd for the girl he wanted.

Next to him he could hear two people talking, one of them with an odd British accent.

"So ee's in the pub."

"No. Let's make it a nightclub."

"Ok, ok, ee's in the nightclub. Then wha?"

"Well, then the woman walks over to 'im and says..."

"Can I get you a drink?"

Dib spun round. He was met with a wolfish smile and a shock of a pair of dark red eyes. Dib again seemed to be lost in her presence. There was something about her, some dark alluring seduction that he couldn't comprehend. She smiled at his seemingly skool-boy admiration of her and presented a small glass of some golden brown liquid. "I'll take that as a yes shall I?"

She sounded mature, knowing. Dib took the drink and nodded too many times.

She grinned again and Dib suddenly noticed that she had a pair of rather sharp canine teeth. "Come with me."

She turned and walked towards the far end of the room, the part with a set of booths and a bunch of lovers all over each other. Dib looked at his drink and he took a long gulp, his face twisting at the burning taste. He felt that he was going to need all the courage he could get.


Well, that's all for the first chapter, but if you've got any questions, keep reading reader! All will be revealed…

Reviews are nice…very nice. Super nice really.