Author's Note: Hullo, everyone! Now, since it's Thanksgiving here, and I was feeling guilty about deleting Snapshots of Love, I decided to start another multi-chapter fic about the Marauders' last year. This one is humor though, and I already have many chapters typed for this. It was orginally meant to be a oneshot, so that's why it starts at such a strange time. Enjoy! Oh, yes, and this has not been sent to my beta... just a warning.
This is from James's point of view and is an LJ fic.
I don't own Harry Potter. Boo hoo.
Chapter One: Dead breakfasts, Great Minds, and Jerky
"Morning, my fellow Marauders!" I greeted cheerily as I took my seat at the Gryffindor table next to my best mate, Sirius. "Nice day, isn't it?"
"Marvelous," Sirius agreed as he lazily grabbed the maple syrup in front of him and began drenching his pancakes. I wrinkled up my nose in disgust. His poor, innocent pancakes. I watched as the plate began filling up, suffocating the pancakes. Leave it to Padfoot to kill his breakfast.
Apparently, Remus, who was seated right in front of me, was thinking the same thing. "Padfoot, I suggest you stop drowning your pancakes before your plate overflows. It's sickening."
Sirius pouted and placed the now empty bottle of maple syrup down in front of him, "Fine. There's none left anyway."
"Darn it," Peter, who was sitting in front of Sirius muttered, "I wanted some more syrup."
I looked over at Peter with a huge frown. Okay, I will admit it; I think that maple syrup is GROSS. Actually, I think that any sticky food is gross. My mum never forced me to eat it. In fact, she agreed that it was very unsanitary. And believe me; Mummy doesn't like anything which is unsanitary.
So, I, being the sane one out of them, grabbed a sausage hungrily and smirked. See, sausages taste fine without that disgusting, vicious liquid. I didn't need syrup with them, like Sirius needed syrup with his pancakes and Peter needed syrup with his… bagel?
"Peter, why would you want maple syrup with your bagel?" Remus asked cautiously, looking at Peter's bagel in interest. Wow, great minds really do think alike.
Peter shrugged and took a large bite out of his bagel, "Mmmph… tafes gooph."
"What does gooph mean?" Sirius asked as he took a forkful of his dead pancake and stuffed it in his mouth. Gross…
Remus sniffed, "I think that what Peter means is good…"
"No way! I thought he was saying golf," I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Argh, not dripping. Too unsanitary. More like flowing neatly.
"No, James, even Wormtail isn't daft enough to say his pancakes 'taste golf'. That's bad grammar," Sirius informed me, not picking up the sarcasm is my voice. I frowned. And he called Peter daft.
"Fook! Mfily Ephans if comfing tofards uf," Peter said, his mouth still stuffed with bagel. Okay, even I didn't pick up what he had just said.
"What the hell are you trying to say, Pete?" Sirius asked, staring at Peter as if he were crazy.
Remus cleared his throat, "I think what Peter here is trying to say is 'Lily Evans is coming towards us'."
I froze, open mouthed as I was just chewing my tasty little sausage, and abruptly turned to face the Great Hall doors. Sure enough, there was Lily Evans, beautiful as ever, walking swiftly in our direction.
Ah, Lily Evans. If I told you a secret, would you promise not to tell?
I'm in love with her.
Okay, I know, I know, horrible secret. The whole school probably knows that by now.
I really can't help loving her. She's so pretty and smart and attractive and funny and popular and sweet and kind…
Okay, so she's currently only a friend. If you spend half your life screaming at your friends.
Which I hope you don't.
Well, lets just say she's another peer who I turn out to be in love with. Not to mention, she's also Head Girl, while yours truly is currently Head Boy.
Some people call it luck, I call it fate.
Maybe I'm a bit crazy.
Lily Evans elegantly approached us and sat herself right next to me. Yes, next to me!
Am I squealing yet?
"Morning, boys," she greeted absently as she grabbed a shiny red apple and took a loud bite.
I heard Remus snicker slightly, "Nice to see you, Lily."
Lily gave him a polite smile, and then turned to me. She immediately frowned, "James, close your mouth! Honestly, I don't want to see your breakfast."
I felt myself go red as I clamped my moth shut. Darn it, I was blushing! MARAUDERS DON'T BLUSH! I looked down at my lap and slowly chewed on my sausage, hoping no one would notice. "So what brings you here, Lily?" I asked my fellow Head dutifully.
"Oh, I wanted to get a seat by the window. I'm expecting a package. The owl delivering it had to fly a long journey, and I really don't want her to have to go through the hassle of looking for me," Lily exclaimed fluently as she took another bite of her apple. See what I mean by her being kind?
Luckily for me, a tawny colored owl whizzed over us and dropped a huge package in front of Lily. Whatever was in it was probably heavy, as Sirius's maple syrup splashed all over his robes when it hit the table. Ha, serves him right!
As Sirius began swearing loudly, Lily tore open the paper covering the contents, she tossed it aside and held up a pretty, beige jacket for the marauders to see.
"Wow, Lily, that's pretty," Peter commented, smiling kindly at her. Sirius, who was now somehow blinded by the syrup, was spluttering something about dying. Remus, on the other hand, hardly looked at the jacket and grabbed the paper it had been wrapped in. He carefully began examining it. Freak.
Lily beamed and pulled on the jacket over her small frame and buttoned it up, "Isn't just perfect?"
Man, she looked hot in that. I stared at it dumbly and nodded, "Oh yeah…"
Remus cleared his throat and turned to Lily, looking a bit smug about something, "Lily, is this a buckskin?"
"Buckskin?" Peter asked, looking confused.
"Cloth made from the skin of a moose or elk," Remus explained simply, "But even more commonly known as," He paused and looked over at me, "Cloth made of deer hide."
I began choking on my sausage.
No way. No bloody way.
I could hear Sirius barking with laughter from the other side of me and Peter chuckling slightly.
"Is it?" Remus repeated, looking amused.
Lily frowned, looking annoyed at Sirius, "Yes, it is. The finest buckskin around."
Now she had said it. Sirius, Peter, and Remus were roaring with laughter. Oh, how I wish I could stab them with the fork in my hands. I turned frantically to Lily, "You're kidding, right?"
"No, I'm not," Lily said impatiently. "It really is buckskin," She huffed slightly and hugged the jacket close to her, "My grandfather is a hunter. He lives in North America and is probably the most talented man I've ever met. Once he sets his eye on a deer, he can kill it immediately. Today, it just so turns out to be Thanksgiving in America. So, every Thanksgiving, he sends me a new handmade present.
"At the moment, it is fad to wear buckskin coats among muggles, so he made me this."
I glanced at her faintly. This couldn't be happening. The love of my life's grandfather kills my family. Deer family, that is.
Damn it, I'm probably the unluckiest guy alive.
Lily suddenly grinned and pulled out a small bag of what looked like jerky. "Look, he sent me some venison jerky, too!"
Holy mother of Merlin.
"NO! DON'T EAT ME!" I screamed as I snatched away the bag and tossed it at a Slytherin's head.
Luckily, most of the hall had cleared out, but the few slow eaters still sitting in the room were staring at me as if I were insane. Which I probably was.
"James, I was eating deer jerky, not you, you big oaf!" Lily cried, looking ready to kill.
"No, you were eating me! I am a deer!" I yelled at her angrily. Suddenly, I froze and the laughter of the other marauders died down as they stared at me in shock. Darn it, I had really done it now.
Lily was looking at me blankly, "James, what are you talking about?"
Only I can get myself in situations like these.
Author's Note: Done! Yes! It's still Thanksgiving, too. 11:45 p.m. to be exact. Teehee! Please, please review!