Five…four…three….two….missed date. Addison watched the hour hand of the clock rest on the number seven, and she released a breath that she had not even realized she was holding in. If she hadn't blown up at Alex like she did then the two of them would be sitting at Joe's right now. Probably making small talk and dancing around the depth of their newfound feelings for one another. It would have been awkward, yes, but it certainly would have beat what she was doing now. She was sitting Indian style on the stained carpet of her hotel suit watching a rerun of Dallas. It was the finale. Who shot J.R. ? The question that left all of America guessing years ago. "More like who shot Addison…", she mumbled under her breath as she stuffed the remains of week old Chinese takeout into her mouth. "So this is what I'm reduced too." Addison shook her head, standing upright. She walked over to the kitchen and pushed the stale food into the trash can. When she looked up, she was met with the sight of a haggard looking cat perched on her windowsill. "Perfect. Now I'm a lonely old cat lady." The cat stayed frozen in place, it's yellow eyes zeroing in on her. "What are you looking at? Don't judge me." Addison laughed, surprising herself by the fact that she was arguing with a cat. "I should just transfer myself to the mental ward of Seattle Grace and get it over with."

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them

One hour later and she still hadn't made any progress. She was now shifting through a box hat held old photo albums of hers and Derek's life together. Tears slid down her cheeks as she scrutinized her wedding photograph. Those two people looked lit up from the inside out. How could this have happened to her? People got divorced, but she never thought that she would become one of those people. She was supposed to live the charmed life. Her and Derek should be chasing their children around and working hectic hours; but still managing to be content because they had each other. She should have trusted her pessimistic friends when they assured her that fairytales were stories that hadn't finished yet. This was what she got for holding onto hope. Addison was drawn out of her thoughts by the loud tapping on the door. She jumped to her feet, shoving the box and its remnants under the bed. "Hold on!" Addison looked at her reflecting in the mirror, cringing at the face staring back at her. She hastily rubbed some concealer underneath her eyes and ran a brush through her rose red hair before finally making her way to the door. "Alex…", she whispered with a trace of hope in her voice. That hope deflated the second she saw Derek standing in front of her. "Oh, it's you." She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at her soon to be ex-husband. As soon as the papers were filed it would be official. "Don't sound so excited", Derek replied sarcastically.

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable

Oh, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

"Let me try that again", Derek corrected, taking notice of Addison's clearly annoyed expression. "May I come in?" Addison furrowed her brows together, unsure of Derek's motives. When had he ever wanted to talk to her? Now that he had his loyal intern by his side she thought he would finally let her have some peace. "Derek, there is nothing left to say. You love Meredith. I hurt you and you hate me and I think that sums it all up." Derek averted his crystal blue eyes to the ground, clasping his hands together in that nervous fashion of his. Addison could remember lying awake at night, watching him rub his hands raw after a particularly draining surgery. Up all night worrying for a patient. She could relate. That was in the past though. They had nothing to relate to anymore. "I don't hate you", Derek finally responded. Addison sighed, straightening her posture. "Oh? Could have fooled me." Derek hung his head, releasing a sigh of his very own. "I know, and I'm sorry." Addison shook her head, sure that she had just hallucinated. "I thought I just heard you apologize. I must be dreaming. That, or I'm drunk." Derek laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "You aren't imagining it Addy. I said I'm sorry and I mean it." He had called her Addy. Even when they had been together attempting to repair their marriage, Derek had never gone back to calling her by his favorite nickname for her. "What's this about?", Addison asked, never a fan of taking the naïve approach and refraining from asking questions. She deserved an explanation for Derek's sudden change of heart. Derek took a step closer to her, his warm hands resting on top of hers. She almost pulled away, but something in his eyes had her paralyzed. "It's about us", Derek answered, squeezing her hands in assurance. "I ended it with Meredith tonight. Today, at the hospital, my taunting you was just a cover. I was too proud to show what I really felt. I'm miserable without you Addison." Addison frowned, taking a step back from him. "Don't. I can't handle this Derek." But Derek didn't leave. He stayed planted in place, refusing to back down from his confession. "I want you back. I want to fix this for real this time." Addison opened her mouth to speak, but no sound was produced. She could feel her steel walls crumbling around her as Derek's smooth hand began to caress her cheek. She leaned into his touch, the familiarity of it consuming her. "We can't", she finally got out in a meek tone. "We can", Derek corrected, capturing her lips with his own. Addison was stunned at first, but within seconds she was responding to her desires. She felt herself stumbling into the room. She heard Derek close the door behind him, and felt the bed beneath her as Derek slowly began to undress her. She was so caught up in the moment that she hadn't even seen Alex Karev lurking in the shadows a few feet behind where Derek stood. She hadn't seen the flowers he held crashing to the floor as turned fast, rushing out of the hotel. She hadn't even heard the sound of his heart breaking in two.

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
Oh, I mean it