Bella: I can't believe you killed Jacob.
Jasper: At least I paid for the starbucks!
Edward: …Berries and Crème, Berries and crème! I'm a little lad who likes berries and crème!!
Edward: ….Can we start now?
When we last left the Cullens and their tagalong sidekick they were beating up the wonderful and brilliant, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, now their senses and powers are put to the ultimate test when…
THE FANTASTIC FIFTEEN COME INTO PLAY!
What will Bella and Edward do when they realize that Derell, Edward's long lost twin brother is an object of Bella's love? Will Bella finally leave Edward in all his misery and marry Derell who exists only in the pathetic minds of authors who consistently put characters out of their personalities? FIND OUT NEXT ON…
WHAT THE FOOKING HELL?
Bella: You have to wonder sometimes…
L.C.Candle: So I hired a new assistant today…
Edward: WHEN DID YOU GET HERE? WHEN???
L.C.Candle: When L.C. FREAKIN' CANDLE got arrested for murder.
Bella: Oh right…I heard about that poor Bob.
L.C.Candle: His name was Greg.
Bella: Poor Greg.
Edward: I thought his name was Jennifer?
Bella: No that's the chick that swears you're an alien
Edward: Oh right.
"EDWARD! MY DARLING, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME TOUGH TIMES, SWEETIE BUT…" Bella began, her sobs echoing through the echo-ey hallways of echo-ey doom.
"You're breaking up with me?" Edward said, his lip quivering.
"NO SWEETIE, I MERELY MUST SAY THAT…"
"You're breaking up with me!" Edward screamed, "AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU!"
"You broke my leg."
"IT WAS A BAD LEG, DAMNIT!" Edward cried in his pathetic self defence. But wait! ONG! WHAT IS THIS?
Edward pulled off his mask to reveal a face that looked exactly the same, "I AM DERELL THE ULTIMATE GUY OF ULTIMESSITTTYYY! I AM PART OF THE…FANTASTIC FIFTEEN!" Somewhere in the distance there was a loud booming of superhero music.
There was a crashing as Bella stared in horror at the broken stained glass window.
"That cost me…"
"I AM KIWI!!! I CONTAIN THE SECRETS OF THE WOOORLLD OF KETCHUP! WHAT IS IN KETCHUP? YOU'LL NEVER KNNNNOOOOOOWWW!" A girl named Kiwi dressed in a skin tight green outfit fell out of the stained glass window that had just been broken. Her arms were moving about in a pathetic attempt to do the wave.
"Isn't it mostly just tomatoes?" Bella asked.
"AND RED DYE 56!!!!! BUT SHHHHHH! YOU'LL NEVER KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!" The arms continued to flail in a very odd not wave like fashion.
There was a politely rung doorbell before Mike Newton scurried through the door in a super super tight blue outfit with the number "51" on it. Now when I say super tight blue outfit..I really mean super super super tight so tight that it makes certain areas bulge.
Please stop now so the audience may have a moment of gagging.
Bella: -sips starbucks- -spews all over Edward-
Edward: -twitches and falls over, still twitching like a dead little cockaroach-
Jasper: FLAIL LITTLE KIWI!!!! FLAIL UNTIL YOU FLYYYYYYYY!!
L.C.Candle: MY EYES! OH DEAR CARLISLE MY EYES!!!!
Jacob: -is somehow revived from dead after reading above- OH THE HORROR! THE HORRRRRRRROOOOOOR!
L.C.Candle: IT BURRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!!
Kiwi: DEATH TO THE SKIN TIGHT OUTFIT!
Edward: Hey you're not supposed to be here…
We meant his stomach you sick little perverted freaks. We all know Mike Newton is secretly a girl and therefore has none of…well you know. Giant bulging…items.
Kiwi pulled out a large red and sticky ketchup bottle, and squirted it all over Mike Newton, "TAKE IT OFFFF!!! TAKE IT OFFFF!! THE FATNESS OF THE STOMACH!!! IT BURRRNNNNNNNNNSSSSS! IT BURRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNSSS!"
Bella stopped Kiwi, ending up with ketchup all over her as Kiwi closed her eyes and shot at everyone. "Kiwi…You must listen…if he takes it off…WE'LL DIE IN A CATASTROPHIC EXPLOSION!!!"
Derell stared at Bella, "BUT BELLA DARLING, YOU'RE GOING BLIND AT THE HORROR OF MIKE!!!"
Bella fainted on the floor dramatically and then stood up again, "I KNOW MY LOVE, I KNOOOOWWW!!"
Just then Edward Cullen flew in from the ceiling and sat on Derell.
There was a loud explosion after all but it emitted from the bottom of Edward and stunk reaaalllly reaaaallly bad. Everyone gagged to death.
Those who are still alive, please stop now.
L.C.Candle: That was incrediously short.
Edward: I feel sick.
Jasper: It's a relief he's a girl.
L.C.Candle: You two are insensitive, didn't you just read? Everyone died because Edward farted!
Bella: How the heck do vampires fart?
L.C.Candle: -puts hand on Bella's shoulder- Honey, anything is possibly in the world of WTFH (fast talking commercial person in background: Formally known as Welcome to Insanity Room 191 and WTF) I wonder if anyone knows this is just a filler until the bashing of Arrossire Giovani comes out…
Okay. I think it's safe to Go.
AND THAT CONCLUDES THE QUESTION
EDWARD OR DERELL
Apparently it's starbucks.
TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT WHETHER OR NOT KIWI LIVES WIT HER GIANT KETCHUP BOTTLE WHICH ISN'T REALLY KETCHUP!!!