A/N: I'm updating as fast as I can people, but if you could stop with the threats of mutilation, I'd spend less time locking my doors and windows, and more time writing…

Disclaimer: This will be the seventh time you read one of these, and I will say it again. I don't own PoT. And I probably never will.

"Alright, which one of you idiots locked Akaya in the dressing room?" Everyone blinked. Yuki-sensei sighed again and glared. "Our Gretel is locked in the dressing room. We've only got a few minutes to unlock it. Who has the damn key?!"

Sengoku gasped. "My Kiri-kun is locked up? Without me? WITH HIS INNOCENCE AND VIRTUE STILL INTACT?!"

Dead silence, and then Saeki spoke. "Well, I don't have the key, but I do have this hammer…" Nobody asked. Because it was Saeki, it was probably for the best.

Two minutes, lots of screams, and a healthy dose of mental scarring later, they were ready for Act II.

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"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger…" Hansel chanted, shutting his eyes tightly, and hoping for the best. He opened his eyes, and glanced at his hand. "Oh crap." He muttered, peeling off another layer of clothing.

Now, you may be wondering how the Charming siblings and the teenage boy they met outside ended up playing strip poker together. In all fairness, nobody exactly understood it themselves. The cloaked teen was the "Witch" of the forest, also called Saeki. Unfortunately, he was a decidedly MALE witch, and didn't strike much fear in anyone's heart. (He was also not old enough to be a pedophile.)

Gretel, wanting to ease the situation between Saeki and Hansel, pulled out a deck of cards. He knew that his brother was a card master. In an attempt to be fair the Witch chose the game, and neither teen wanted to shatter their male pride. Stupid thing that boys have, really.

Hansel flushed. He could feel The Witch undressing him with his eyes. It made him feel strange. At the castle, everyone looked at him, but like a prince, not a choice piece of meat. The way Saeki was looking at him made him think that he was going to be eaten. "Would you stop that?!" He snapped, finally annoyed by the other teen's ogling.

"Stop what?" The robed teen asked, face deceptively innocent.

The middle Charming child felt himself twitch. "If you don't stop staring at me with that perverted expression, I'll…I'll…"

Gretel didn't even look up from his cards. "You'll disembowel him slowly with a rusty spork, and then use his spine as a jump rope." (A/N: My best friend has actually threatened to do this to me, if I didn't talk to the guy who she thought was my "soul mate".)

"Right. That one."

Saeki pouted. "But, Hansel!" he gasped. "I thought you loved me!"

"OF COURSE I DON'T LOVE YOU, YOU SICK, PERVERTED, FREAK OF NATURE!"

Gretel peered up over his cards. He didn't even think people could turn that red… Ah well, things happened. Hopefully Hansel hadn't ruptured a blood vessel. "Guys, please. You're being-"

His brother turned on him, eyes venomous. "THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU, BITCH!"

"O-okay then. I'm just going to go and take a walk, then, huh? Pleasedon'teatme." Hurrying out the door, Gretel breathed a sigh of relief. One near death experience was enough for the night. He was going to chill out FAR away from his volatile sibling. After making it a safe distance away, he began to wander. "Damn, I don't think I can go in there again if the sexual tension doesn't abate soon…"

(Somewhere in the audience, Akaya's sister let out a muffled giggle. This blackmail was too good. And she had the feeling that it would only get better.)

Suddenly, a muted moan came from the general direction of the cottage. "Uh…guys?" Another moan, and the squeaking of bedsprings. "Guys?" A thud, and very loud curses. "…Did they just fall?" Too disturbed to find out whether or not what he thought was true, Gretel stayed where he was. "I'm just gonna sleep out here tonight, okay? NO NEED TO COME OUT AND CHECK ON ME!"

(A/N: Again, real life experience. School field trip. Boys on second floor, girls on first. My friend and I had heart attacks, and then squee-fests.)

Curling up by the base of a tree, the teen winced. "I'm going to be mentally scarred for the rest of my life. And who's going to pay for it? I'll tell you, no one! That's who. Because obviously, poor little Gretel was going to learn about this eventually, so what's a few years difference?"

"Uh, excuse me?"

Gretel continued on. "Life is so unfair like this. I mean, just because I'm the baby of the family, I get manhandled around! Sanada's lucky. He's married and far away from this hellhole. Of course, Yukimura-san has him completely whipped, but that doesn't really matter, does it? BECAUSE AT LEAST HE'S HAPPPY!!!"

"Excuse me?"

"And Hansel. GAH! He can be such a bitch. I never get any of the hot water in the shower, he's always there using gods knows how much conditioner to get his hair 'perfect' and no one ever tells him off! Do you know how much time it takes him in the shower? DO YOU KNOW?!"

"No?" The redhead stranger paled as Gretel glared him down. "But I'm sure it's an ungodly long time that is completely unfair to you." He added hurriedly.

The impish boy eyed him suspiciously. "Who are you anyway?"

"Who me? You can call me Kiyosumi."

"…And you're here because?"

"The Witch and I are good friends, and today's our drinking night. I just wanted to see if he's in."

"Oh, he's in alright." Gretel muttered darkly. "I wouldn't go inside if I were you, though."

"Why not?"

A whispered conversation later, punctuated by many exclamations on Kiyosumi's part, and both teens were very convinced about staying FAR away from the cottage.

"Guess that kinda ruins your night, huh?" The youngest Charming asked wryly, glancing at his new friend's bag o' alcoholic beverages.

"Oh no. Because now," Kiyosumi leaned in with a purr, "I can spend it with you…"

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A/N: Well, that took a rather pathetic two months to write… And it's not even as long as the others. Sorry, please don't kill me! Anyway, happy belated SenKiri day everyone, I hoped it was an interesting celebration. Review!