Phoenix Gets His Driver's License
Phoenix sat at the Wright and Co. Law Offices. He lied on the sofa bored with his life. There was no case to take at the moment. He wanted to go somewhere, and he was sick of getting a ride from Gumshoe, who complained to Phoenix to go get a license of his own. Nick was also sick of calling a cab. The fares in taxis would add up fast, and he was tired of losing money.
No more waiting. It was finally time. Today was the day. Phoenix got up from the couch.
"Today, I will get my driver's license!"
Nick arrived by taking another taxi to the driving school. He then bumped into a familiar face.
"Hello, Mr. Wright, sir!" Patrolman Meekins greeted Phoenix with a salute and austere face.
"Wha- Meekins?! I thought you worked at-"
"They moved me here, sir! Now I work here! Just get into the line over there to sign some forms to get your driving test administered, sir!" Meekins shouted into his megaphone for no apparent reason.
'I guess somebody was fired at the station,' Phoenix thought to himself.
Phoenix got into the back of a line. The line was extensive and long. It looked like a two hour wait.
"Now I remember another reason I have no license."
Phoenix finished waiting and finally filled out his forms. After finishing, he was given a set of car keys and walked outside near a silver car to wait for his evaluator to arrive and test him.
Phoenix knew who that was. He turned to see Larry holding a clipboard.
"What are you doing here, Larry?"
"My new girlfriend thought I should get a job he-"
"Never mind, I know the story."
The two of them got seated in the car. Both of them buckled up. Phoenix started the car and held the wheel in his hands.
"Okay, let's get started on your driver's test, Nick."
"Great. I feel confident, Larry. I think I can do it."
"But because the law system of this time period is different, the driving test will be different!"
"You're going to have to drive better than three other people taking the test. Whoever ranks in the top three wins a license. Now let's see who you're driving up against..."
A pink volkswagen beetle pulled over next to them. The window rolled down. It was Yanni Yogi driving.
"Hey, Keith! You're taking this new-fangled test, too? Ayup."
A blue mustang pulled over next to the volkswagen beetle. The window rolled down. It was Missle the dog behind the wheel. He pointed his paw out at Larry and barked.
"Oh no!" Larry cried out "My poor Samurai Dogs! I can still see them being eaten!"
Larry hadn't forgotten how Missle ate all the Samurai Dogs when Larry had the job of working at a hot dog stand at Gourd Lake.
Lastly, a green sportscar pulled over next to the blue mustang. There was a giant figurine of the Steel Samurai standing on top of it. The driver was none other than Cody Hackins, the second grader and Steel Samurai fanatic.
"YES! I'm going to drive better than you stupid grown-ups!"
So the test began. All the cars drove forward. Phoenix wasn't prepared to lose. He couldn't lose to a brain-damaged man, a second-grade student, and a dog, could he? Could he?
An hour had passed. The test was over. Nick drove back to the driving school with what was left of the car, which was smoking and about to explode. Larry had to help Phoenix park the car into place, then they stepped out of the car.
"I can't believe you scored a zero, Nick!" Larry angrily said as he wrote down a score on a clipboard he was holding.
"Aw, c'mon, can't you just pass me?"
"Sorry, Nick, but we're very particular about who we give our licenses to."
Phoenix, trying to think of another argument, turned and saw Yanni, Missle, and Cody being handed their licenses.
"You guys are giving licenses to a brain-damaged man, a dog, and a grade school kid! Surely I did better than they did."
"Nick, you hit the Samurai Dogs stand, you hit Edgeworth's sports car, you hit a brick wall surrounding Gourd Lake, you crashed into the police station, and you nearly hit several people!"
"I'm blaming the car. It sucks and the steering controls weren't even inverted."
"What kind of car has inverted controls, Nick!?"
"I wasn't even able to turn left! I was only able to turn right by shifting into "R" for right, but that made me go backwards! What a stupid car."
"The R stands for reverse! No wonder you don't have a license, Nick!"
"I was guessing the P stood for port, which would let me turn left on the water."
"...I guess you're not turned out to drive, Nick."
"NO! Pass me! Please! Nobody will know!"
Just then, an angry mob of people arrived and surrounded Phoenix.
"There's the whippersnapper who nearly hit me!" Oldbag cried out "Back in my day, we knew how to drive, even though the cars were different, the same principles applied. There were hardly any accidents because people were afraid of them. And also..."
"You! You nearly killed me when I was buying a Samurai Dog!" Grossberg exclaimed while pointing at Phoenix "Then the days of my youth flashed before my eyes. Ahh, the days of my youth..."
"I must vilify your deleterious driving behavior!" Redd White shouted.
"You're a really bad driver, pal!" Gumshoe yelled.
"Wright, you fool. I didn't think you could be worse at anything than presenting evidence, but I was wrong!" Edgeworth said.
"I sentence you to kiss my ass!" the Judge ruled as he slammed his gavel onto Gumshoe's head.
"Let's get him!" Payne shouted.
The entire angry mob chased Phoenix down the street. Maybe Phoenix wasn't going to get his license anytime soon.