Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1.


"Come on, guys! Are you telling me that you've never needed super secret undercover off world names?" Cameron Mitchell asked.

"No, I can't say that we have," Dr. Daniel Jackson said leaning back in one of the chairs in General Landry's briefing room.

"He's right, Cam. We've always used our own names. Never really felt the need to use fake ones," Sam said.

"Oh, come one. It could be fun," Cam drawled. "Think about it. If you could choose any name for yourself, what would you choose?"

"Well, I've always wanted to be called…." Vala said.

Mitchell held up his hand cutting her off. "Hold up! Not you."

"But why?"

"Because they have Earth names. You have a name from whatever planet you say you're from this week. You don't need a fake name. Although, it may help us, considering that you've more than likely pissed off people in at least half of the planets in our database," he said.

"Hey, that's a little harsh, don't you think," Daniel said in defense of Vala. Mitchell turned to Daniel in shock, surprised at Daniel's defense of Vala. "Well, yes. I'd have to say from knowing her that she's had to have pissed off people from at least three-quarters of the planets in our database."

"Thank you, Daniel," Vala said, pleased at Daniel's defense of her. Then, she realized it was not meant as a compliment. "Aargh!" she growled stomping her foot and throwing her mission folder at Daniel.

Cam put his hands on the table and leaned over to talk to Jackson. "You know we could just leave her home you know? The bonding effect from the bracelets has worn off, so it's not like you're gonna die if we separate you guys."

"Indeed," Teal'c said.

Mitchell stood up and pointed at Teal'c. "There you go again with that indeed stuff. What did I tell you about that?"

"I believe you told be that there are other words that I could use in place of indeed, ColonelMitchell," Teal'c said with his hands behind his back.

"And why are you using them?" Cam said dramatically. "Have you forgotten?"

"Indeed.," Teal'c said.

"Ah!! Somebody get this guy a thesaurus!" Cam said.

"Is this a thesaurus?" Vala asked holding a big green book up for Mitchell to see.

"Yes, could you hand it to me please?" Mitchell asked. "I'm going to give our resident Jaffa warrior a lesson in the English language."

"Here you go," Vala flung the thesaurus at Daniel.

"Oww!" Daniel yelped. "He said hand it to him, not throw it at me!"

"Oh, sorry. I guess I need one of those lessons in the English language that Colonel Mitchell was talking about. Maybe a private one," Vala said batting her eyes at Mitchell. "What do you say Colonel Mitchell?" Vala said.

Daniel's face turned red with anger.

"Wait. Wait. Wait," Cam said holding up his hands. "Now, hold up a second. I said nothing about you throwing the book at poor Daniel here." He put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. Daniel shrugged it off of him. "Okay?" Cam said confused. "I said for you to give the book to me."

"Well, I was going to throw it to you," Vala said. "I guess I've got bad aim!"

"Bullshit!" Daniel said nursing the bruise that was beginning to form. "You did it deliberately."

"You're damn right I did it deliberately and you want to know why?"

"Why?" Vala shouted.

"Because you are a selfish, unfeeling, careless, bastard!!" Vala shouted.

"Selfish, unfeeling careless bastard? What about you?" Daniel shouted. "You are a cold-hearted, lying, manipulative witch!"

"Asshole!"

"Thief!"

"Jackass!"

"Bitch!"

Cam stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. "Now, that's putting your thesaurus to good use," he said to Teal'c.

"What the hell is going on here?" General Landry yelled storming into the briefing room.

"Well, sir. It would appear that Daniel and Vala are letting off a little of that sexual tension that we talked about yesterday at lunch." he said.

"Can't they have sex like normal people and do they have to use my briefing room to do it?" Landry asked.

"Okay, kiddies. Time to grow up and act your age. It's briefing time," Cam said.