Title: Hi Martha, It's Lois—Lois Lane
Author: Brie
Rating: PG?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but I wished I owned Clark Kent and Lois would be cool to have around
Summary/AN Ask and you shall recieve. This goes with my standalone story You're Coming Home. It's sort of a prequel, as it's before that story but they both could be read alone. This just has the encounter with Chloe, more drunk Lois and a phone call to Martha Kent. Hope it meets expectations. I didn't want to promise this story just in case but I think it turned out ok

Hi Martha, It's Lois—Lois Lane

"Hi you've reached the Kent residence—"

"The answering machine, are you kidding you kidding me? I shpent all this time drinking and fhinking of what to say to you and you can't even pick up the phone?! I've prac-ti-cally ruined my life and lost—"

Lois' speech was cut off abruptly by the answering machine tone informing her to leave a message. Her focus was immediately on the phone again.

"Hi Martha, its Lois—Lois Lane."

A lengthy pause followed.

"Oh yeah, it's the machine. Well, I wasa just callin' you to let you know that—Chloe!" She exclaimed in delight as her cousin stepped through the door. "I've got to go Martha, Chloe's here. Can I call you back?"

Another lengthy pause and then an angry sounding beep. Lois cringed and pulled the phone away from her ear to glare at it before tossing it away with a disgusted frown.

"Well, same to you buddy!"


"Whaddya want?" Lois said twisting around in the opposite direction that Chloe walked over in.

"Well, as you seem to have gone from excitement to see me, to anger at what I'm assuming was an answering machine, to being annoyed at me…I'm going to take a wild leap and say that you are drunk," Chloe informed her while taking a seat on the couch.

She reached over and pushed the off button on the phone with a slight laugh. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Lois drunk. Lois was known for being able to hold her liquor so she must have had a lot tonight.

But why would she?

"I'm not drunk."

"Drunk people always deny it Lois, you should know that," Chloe admonished and Lois let out a huff while crossing her arms and pouting—pouting?—yes, pouting. Obviously Lois seemed to realize the truth of the statement herself.

"So maybe I've had a little to drink…"

"Maybe a lot…"

"So maybe I've hadda lot to drink but you couldna prove it by me!"

Chloe bit her lip to refrain from laughing and made sure to pointedly glance at the alcohol bottles littering the coffee table. Lois followed her gaze then looked back over at Chloe with a frown, not fully understanding the point Chloe was trying to make but made an attempt and looked once again.

"Geezee Crap! That's a lotta liquor!" Lois exclaimed when she glanced back over at the table then let loose a little chuckle as if understanding a private joke. Chloe didn't even bother to ask.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" She said instead and Lois nodded along with her smugly before dismissing the conversation entirely with a wave of her hand and a face buried in a couch pillow.

"Is everything ok Lois?"

"Not hardly."


"Is something wrong?"

"Probably," Lois told her lifting the pillow off of her face and thrusting a hand in the direction of a shot glass.

"So what did you do today?"


"I see that."

"A lot."

"I wouldn't have guessed," Chloe replied sarcastically and then frowned when Lois missed the tone entirely and only nodded to assure her it was true.

"Then I made a couple of calls."

"To who?"

"Oh, to everyone."


"That's what I said!"

"You didn't call me," She pointed out and Lois just sent her a glare.

"That's because I was going backwards alphabetically and you come after—before—after the Kent's number!"


I guess that explained a little, Chloe thought in bewilderment and tried to think of another way to get information out of her cousin. She halted her movement of pouring another shot, tempting the wrath of Lois Lane, but handed her a Double Fudge Crunch bar she had gotten at the store earlier to appease it.

"You're an angel!" Lois exclaimed in delight and tore off the packaging before quickly, but while savoring each bite, devoured at least half of it.

"So why'd you stop at the K?"


Focus Lois, you really need to focus before I strangle you.

"While calling everyone…"

"Oh! I kept getting the stupid answering machine."

"Kept getting?"

"Oh yeah, a couple of times," Lois moodily informed her while bobbing her head, off beat, to the music playing faintly in the background.

Chloe tilted her head to the side, finally hearing the music for the first time since spotting the drunken Lois, and looked at her in confusion.

"I'm All Right?"

"Smallville loves that stupid dancing gopher," Lois explained and then looked quite sullen.

"Dancing gopher?"

"It's from Caddyshack Chloe!"

She couldn't differentiate between a real person speaking and an answering machine apparently and yet she remembered that Clark likes the movie Caddyshack—and even knows the theme song? Something is going on here, and she is determined to find out what.

"I have it playing on repeat."

"Why?" Chloe questioned honestly, not knowing why anyone would have the song on repeat. It was—at the most—a listen to "twicer", but that was all!

"I like him ok!"

"The dancing gopher?"

"No! Clark!"


"Really?" Chloe asked unable to hide her intrigued tone and was very thankful that Lois wasn't…all there, to detect it.

"Of course I do! He should know that!" She bit out angrily and that had Chloe suddenly wondered what she had stumbled into by coming home from The Planet early.

"I even wrote him an email to esplain things more clearly," Lois pointed out matter-of-factly glancing at the open laptop. Chole's brows rose in surprise and wonderment took control as she walked over to view said email by clicking on the sent file.

To: why i'm riting

Drea Mallville,

I tink that you shouldno be mad at me anemore. You shoulda stayed, or even picked yur phone on. Staying is good. Why wont you stay? I tihink you wanted to shatay, and I want you to stay so you shuld stay. I was fraid and tahats why i couldnot tell you that iam loveing you. But I want to here that too. from you. but youwouldnot say itanemore. Why not say it. I am buzzzzed. but not like a bee. more like vodka. i'm sorry and i tink you shuld come home. when yur hear. its home.

love lois

It was actually not too bad a letter, considering that Lois had trouble spelling whether drunk or not, and it actually made some sort of sense…

"Are you done invading my privacy yet?" Lois called out and Chloe would have felt guilty for doing just that if Lois hadn't giggled completely ruining the effect. Plus, she was beginning to get the picture and was still deciding who to be mad at: Clark, for not "staying", Lois, for everything, or herself for not guessing that they were in a relationship.

"Not quite yet," Chloe said with a smile deciding to remain honest. She wasn't done invading Lois' privacy by a long shot.


Wait a second!

Chloe quickly skimmed over the email and wondered why bad spelling and punctuation had caused her to miss something this important.

"I am loving you!" She exclaimed in triumph. It was there; clear as day—er, well it was there at least—and there was no way Lois could deny it now.

"You love Clark!"

"Clark," Lois repeated with a little sniffle and Chloe couldn't believe her eyes as her cousin looked up with an expression full of pain.


Lois just ignored her and instead scrambled for her cell phone that was on the table and flopped down on the other couch.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to make a call. A private call."

"Who are you thinking to call?"

"One Clark Kent."

"Maybe I should help you out," Chloe suggested with a smirk as Lois squinted at the buttons on the phone.

"I can do it myself just fine. I have his number right here in my handy dandy phone book—hey, why is the screen blank?"

"Probably dead after so many calls,' Chloe explained as Lois' arm shot out for the cordless wall phone and then she frowned.

"I want Clark," she said into the phone without pressing any numbers.

"How about I dial for you, I just happen to have his number memorized," Chloe soothed with a smile and reached out to take the phone.

"You're so smart Chlo—I never woulda thought of that!"

"I'm a pro."


"So what are you going to say to him?"

"Him? I don't want to talk to a 'him'. I want Clark!"

"That's who I meant."

"Clark's got a great body, you know?" Lois stated with a dreamy smile and when Chloe nodded her eyes narrowed slightly but she decided to let it go and smirked smugly.

"I like his arms the most I think, no probably his tight—"

"Here you go," Chloe handed the phone back. "You need to talk in the other end though…"

"I'm not stupid Chloe—Clark?"

"It's probably still ringing."

"Oh," Lois responded despondently and gave a heavy sigh. After a few rings she looked at Chloe sadly. "He's not answering! I've ruined everything!"

Chloe hadn't heard the soft ring over the chords of 'I'm All Right' at first but she recognized it almost immediately and dug in between the couch cushions.

Clark's phone.

Lois looks worried still and so Chloe answered it.


"Chloe? What are you doing on Clark's phone?"

"He left it here," Chloe said into the phone and sighed when Lois looked over at her suspiciously. Luckily, it didn't take too long for her to catch on and she shut the phone off with a roll of her eyes looking more Lois like. Chloe followed suit and stood to turn off the music. Lois held out the phone to her once again.

"How bout Martha now?"

"You want me to call Martha Kent?"

"That's what I said," Lois said a bit impatiently and Chloe just shrugged and did what she was told. When it began to ring she handed the phone off to Lois who reclaimed it happily.

"Hi Martha, it's Lois—Lois Lane!"

"I know who you are Lois," Martha's amused voice said on the other line.

"Of course!"

"I take it from all your messages that you wanted to talk to me? I tried to call you but your cell must have been off. "

"I did—do! It's dead!"

"Your messages didn't make much sense sweetie—"

"That's because I'm drunk."

Just like Lois to be straight and to the point.


"I just wanted to let you know that I love Clark."

"Oh. I already knew that sweetie?"

"Who told?" Lois asked a bit angrily and Martha only laughed in response.

"I just knew sweetie."

"Ok. I do and I think he loves me too still."


"Oh yeah, for months now at least!"

"So, why would he not love you anymore?" Martha asked and couldn't hide the smile in her voice. She had waited a long time for the pair to finally see what she had seen all along.

"I kinda messed up—but everything'll be ok because I love him!"

"Well, you two are coming for Thanksgiving! You have to!"

"Ok! How many days will that give me, because I've still gotta convince Smallville that I love him and it might require me to do a little seduc—"

"Hi Martha!" Chloe said happily after snatching the phone away from her cousin who was now sure to be thinking of only seducing Clark and nothing else, if the dreamy look on her face was anything to go by.

"She's so drunk Martha but she meant every word. I think they've been together for a while now. I've never seen Lois like this before. I know she loves him."

"I've known that since the beginning.'

"It took me some time to catch on but I'm happy for them. I'm going to get the rest of the scoop and then drop her off on his doorstep or something."

"Sounds like a good plan to me," Martha commented wryly and Chloe could only grin into the phone at her cool head. Martha Kent is an amazing woman.

"I'll call you with details later," Chloe promised.

"You better," Martha warned and said a quick goodbye. Chloe hung up the phone with a chuckle and looked over at Lois who was once again looking sadly at the wall. This really needed to stop.

"So you want to tell me what you did to Clark?"

"What I did?" Lois exclaimed disgruntled to be given all the blame. Chloe merely raised a brow and Lois scoffed but admitted defeat.

"Not really."


"We've been together a couple of months now and I've been in love with him longer than even that," she said it so simply that it could only be the truth.

Chloe squealed in delight and rushed over to give her a hug in excitement. She pulled away when she remembered that Lois was upset about something. Upset enough to actually get drunk and make phone calls, and write extremely bad emails.

"What happened?"

"I didn't want anyone to know and so we kept it a secret," Lois explained sounding completely sober but Chloe could still see the hazy fog that clouded her eyes. "I really just didn't want to screw it up Chlo! And I thought; if no one knew—I couldn't!"

"But you did."

"I did. He's the best part about me and I lost him."

"You need to fix this!" Chloe stated urgently and pulled Lois to a wobbling up right position. She pushed her to the door not caring that she almost stumbled and fell because of the push and grabbed her keys.

"Where are you going?"

"You're going to see Clark!"


"It might not be that fun," Chloe muttered under her breath but was happy to see Lois no longer so morose. She hadn't got a chance to see the two together and she wasn't going to let Lois' fear keep her from ever seeing them happy. It had taken years to get here and there was no way she was going to let her cousin screw it up when they could be so happy together. The drive to Clark's place was short and it took longer to pull Lois out of the car and lead her to the door.

"Clark!" Lois called out and let out a giggle before knocking on the door with a firm fist. Chloe pulled her attention away from the stupid closed door by giving her a strong hug before muttering "fix this" and walking away. Lois could only stare in bewilderment as her cousin drove off and glanced around for something that was broken before banging on the door again. Chloe had stranded her and it was freezing and all she wanted to do was curl up into Clark's arms.

"Open the door Smallville!"

The End