Disclaimer: The characters of Xena: Warriorprincess belong to MCA Universal.
Language: Yes, but spread out through the story, not sure I'd call it mild, but I wouldn't call it extreme either.
Town stripper/Sheriff Delicious:
Flaming hot fiona: Callisto
Hero, Captain Sugar stud/ Sheriff Nougat: Hercules
Big sucker Sean and his sucker bandits: Ares and his army
Deputy, Lick a stick: Gabrielle
Sidekick, Sgt. Ding Dong: Iolaus
Town idiot and second Deputy Dumdum: Joxer
Sheriff's children Pixie and Soda: Eve and Solan
In an secluded town way out in the west there lived a Sheriff and her Deputy. They ran the town with an sticky fist. Not one person stepped out of line and all the sugar was record down to the last gum drop. See everyone in this town had a sweet tooth the size of west. Almost everything was made sugar. Sugar wasn't meant to ridden or walked on or wore as your primary clothing. No they had animals for all that.
No one dared set foot in that town unless they had a sweet tooth. Many a poor stupid fool had thought he could walk into Sugar town and survive. You were lucky if you came out with a tummy ache let alone dead from the sugar rush. Everyone was always on a sugar rush. They only had to bad guys to deal with for sugar was their gold and not many people wanted it. There was Flaming hot Fiona who love spicy food and hated sugar. And than there was Big sucker Sean and his bandits. He loved sugar and was always seeking to steal from them. He resided in the mountains in the Halls of sugar. A hall so filled with sugar that little kids dreamed of getting the better of Big Sucker Bandits to steal their treasure. They also wanted to be the first to ever suck on Sean's sucker collection aside from him.
"Tootsie pop what you heard while you was away?" Sheriff Delicious asked. She was the owner of the local Sugar shack. She'd inherited from her mother. It was closed during the day when she was the hard assed sheriff. No one ever knew it was her. In fact No one knew that Delicious the stripper was also Delicious the sheriff.
"I dun heard that Flaming hot Fiona's headin' back this way and you know the usual raids by Big sucker Bandits in our sugar fields. Cow girl can't get no peace when she bein' loose." Tootsie pop said.
"Bein' loose on my time ain't tolerated around here." Sheriff Delicious said."You'll stop that and stay on watch ya here."
"Yes Sheriff." Tootsie pop said.
"Now get back to work I ain't got all day for you not to be collecting information." Delicious said spitting the residue from her Candy tabbacco at her feet. Tootsie pop ran back to her post.
"Did you have to go spittin' that mess." Deputy Lick a stick asked. Lick a stick carried a big licorice stick she used to keep people in line. Unlike the Sheriff who used two candy cane guns, threw miniture chocolate hallow yinyang symbols, laffy taffy whip, and also had a big Tootsie roll for hitting the occassion idiot.
"I tell you what you find a sucker that'll stick around here long enough for me to suck all the time and I'll stop chewin' this here candy tabacco." said Sheriff Delicious. She looked around her eyes fell on the boy standing by the statue of their founder. She was shocked at what she saw, and spit out her tabacco all together."Well I'll be tied up like a hog with taffy. Is that boy licking the chocolate statue of our founder Mr. Wonka himself?"
"Well yes he is." Deputy Lick a stick said chewin' on a piece of licorice like it was grass. Sheriff Delicious spurs clinked as she walked over in her calf high cowgirl boots, short black skirt, short vest that only had one button, and black cowgirl hat. One of her hands rested on her gun and the other on her hip. She had her cold icy blue stare fixed on this boy. She took off her taffy whip and smacked his tongue.
"Boy you know the law there ain't no lickin' of this here statue." Deputy Lick a stick said."We're gonna have to jail you tonight in the iron cell with no sugar for a week." The boy cried as he held his tongue. The real tears didn't start until Deputy Lick a stick told him his fate.
"You stand trial tomorrow at noon." said Sheriff Delicious."You best hope Judge Cotton Candy don't put you out of this town. You'll die for sure out there in that sugarless world."
"No sugar!" He cried. The thought was like a nightmare to him.
"Deputy Dumdum please escort this fowl creature to the iron cell and report his crime to the judge." said Sheriff Delicious. Deputy Dumdum ran over triping and falling.
"Yes ma'am." Dumdum said grabbing him and taking him towards the jail.
"Deputy Dumdum." Sheriff Delicious said stopping him.
"Yes sheriff." He said.
"It might be better if you escort him with nerds rope handcuffs." Sheriff Delicious said.
"Oh right of course standard procedure." said Deputy Dumdum. Sheriff Delicious shook her head and viewed the damage done to the statue.
"Not much damage done easily fixed by the local chocolate smither." Deputy Lick a stick said.
"You go see to it, it gets fixed. I'm going to the Saloon for a drink." said Sheriff Delicious said.
"Shall I join you?" She asked.
"Naw keep an eye out of crime and Chocolate bunny she welshed on a bet she made in a card came. She owes two pounds of sugar to Churro our native american friend." said Sheriff Delicious.
"Gotcha, I'll alert ya when I see her." said Deputy Lick a stick. She headed off for the chocolate smith. The sheriff lowered her hat to cover her eyes making her look all the more hard assed and sinister when she walked into the Saloon. The ladies stopped their singin' and dancin'. The men looked up from their card games and drinks.
"Well don't stop on account a me. I just came for drink." Deputy Delicious said. Everything started again.
"Now sheriff you came just in time I got a real treat for you all." The owner who was also the bartender said. He set a shot of chocolate milk with extra syrup in front of her.
"A treat you say. Does it come with extra sugar?"
"As always. You just turn on around to that stage." He said.
"Give me a bigger glass and I will." She said. He did so and she turned around. There on the stage stood the two S's and a B boys Sweet, Sour, and Bitter. All the tastes of a candy. They sang and danced.
"On the good ship lollipop." They sang. They finished off their song and she turned back around.
"I do love a good candy song." Sheriff Delicious said downing her drink."Keep um comin'."
"But Sheriff your on the job." He said.
"Your right I can't keep a firm sticky hand on this place if I'm drunk." Sheriff said."Give me some water." He nodded and gave her some water. A boy walked in with a little girl.
"Mother." Soda said. Sheriff Delicious stood up and led them outside. She stopped looking like a hard ass and softened up her features.
"Aren't you suppose to be in school?" Sheriff Delicious asked.
"Yea, but teacher had a sugar crash today." He said laughing.
"Don't laugh a sugar crash ain't nuthin' funny. I hope one of you went for help." Sheriff Delicious said.
"We did mommy." said Pixie stick. She called her Pixie for short.
"Pixie why aren't you with Deputy's sister?" She asked.
"Soda came and got me." Pixie said.
"Hmm...well you both go back until I come home." said Sheriff Delicious.
"Ok, but we gots a doctor's appointment. You say we couldn't miss another one." said Soda.
"Damn your right. Follow me." Sheriff Delicious said. She walked to the Sheriff's office and found Deputy Lick a stick there locking up Chocolate bunny.
"Oh good Sheriff I was just comin' to locate you." She said.
"No need I'm already here." Sheriff Delicious said."I'll be back to handle Ms. Bunny later, but I got to take them to the doctor so your in charge until I get back."
"Doctors in the next town over. What if the Big sucker Bandits attack." said Deputy Lick a stick.
"You can handle it. Call in the reserve Deputies and for once give them a reason to wear their chocolate stars." said Sheriff Delicious."I'll be back before you know it." She took them home directing people to Deputy Lick a stick. She got the necessary things. She'd prepared for it.
"Secure that hat on your head girl you ain't no whore." said Sheriff Delicious fixing her cowgirl hat."I tell you, you make me wonder sometimes havin' your hat off your head and wearin' a bonet."
"I'm the next Sheriff momma." said Pixie.
"Yea that's my girl." said Sheriff Delicious getting in the wagon. She drove off. They waved to people as they went by.
"Licorice reins?" Someone asked with the reached the next town. Sheriff Delicious didn't comment. She didn't care about that woman and her life so unfulfilled without sugar. They went into the doctor's building where he kept his practice.
"So Pixie, Soda any problems with your teeth or stomach?" He asked.
"My teeth and tummy are as fit as a fiddle." Soda said.
"Me too." said Pixie. He gave them a check up and couldn't get over how healthy they were.
"Clean bill of health?" Sheriff Delicious asked.
"Clean bill of health Sheriff." He said.
"Yay, we get extra candy now." Soda said happily.
"Thanks doctor." Sheriff Delicious said paying him. They returned back to town.