Title: Yours And My Secret
Author: Ugly.Beautiful
Genre: Romance / Humor
Rating: T for suggestive themes
Pairing: Sasuke x OC, slight Kakashi x Sakura, Naruto x OC (mention of a past Naruto x Gaara)
Spoilers: None
Summary: In which boys will be boys (and occasionally girls) and missions suck ass.
Word Count: 854
Warnings: There will be cross-dressing from the male and female genders as well as some gender-confusion and a misuse of the Sexy jutsu. Also some bi-ness from our Kyuubi holder

Disclaimer: If you don't recognize the character, chances are I own them. Otherwise, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. The part of the summery stating "boys will be boys, and occasionally girls" belongs to a quote from Vampire Game by Judal.

Sasuke was seriously considering that being a ninja (especially an elite shinobi, such as himself) was not all it was cracked up to be. This had to be the stupidest damn thing he had ever taken part in, and that included that stupid ramen eating contest he had gotten into on Naruto's seventeenth birthday a year ago. He scowled. Why was he doing this again?

Naruto whined as his scowl caused Sakura to smear her work. "Come on, teme. Think about it… a vacation."

Oh yeah. That's why. Kakashi and Tsunade had promised them a three-month, mission-less vacation if this mission went smoothly. His eyes glazed over. So much training… Even though the three of them weren't technically Team 7 anymore, they still completed missions together. It was helpful to train as a group, but a guy needed to train by himself sometimes. But that old hag, as Naruto liked to call her, wouldn't let that happen. She seemed to delight (if her insane cackling was any clue) in giving them someone-lost-their-cat-will-you-please-go-find-it missions of gee-I-wonder-if-I'm-gonna-die missions and Sasuke was sick of it. This mission couldn't be that bad… could it?

"Here Sasuke-kun, let me touch up your blush."

Sasuke glared at the pink haired kunoichi until she removed herself (and the evil blush of doom) from his personal bubble.

He took that back, it could be bad, but he would do it anyway. For the vacation. And because he was a good ninja. Not because he was curious about what went on in a brothel.

You see, Tsunade (may her wrinkles be endless) had discovered a missing-nin entering Konoha. He had apparently been spending a lot of time at Hidden Leaf's few brothels.

Sasuke smirked, before brushing Sakura's hands away from his hair. Jiraiya-sama seems to have a clone.

Anyway, the mission was to weasel out information from the girls and customers there and the easiest way to do that was to infiltrate the brothel. So it had been decided by the Hokage (damn her) that Sasuke would be the only one able to complete something so delicate without being… distracted. Otherwise she could have picked Kakashi- sensei, he supposed. It was also because he looked so effeminate and pretty, but wasn't something to be said in Sasuke's hearing range.

"Well, well, well, what have we here? You look so pretty… Sasuke-chan." Kakashi's visible eye was curved upwards in amusement.

Sasuke tried to glare at the silver-haired jounin, but his smoky eyes and shimmering lips ruined the effect. Realizing the famous Uchiha death glare wasn't working, he simply huffed and turned to look at himself in the full-length mirror.

His eyes widened. Whoa…

Sakura had really done a good job (you know, besides the fact that she had used the Sasuke Uchiha as her own personal dress-up doll). The slinky black number he had shimmied into fit him like a second skin. The B-sized padding Sakura had sewn into the chest of the dress overlooked the fact that he had almost no hips. The strap-y heels made his smooth legs (courtesy of some lotion Sakura had lying around) seem longer than they already were.

What had taken the longest was his unruly hair. Since he had flat-out refused hair extensions, Sakura had just teased out his hair so it was spiky in a wild and sexy I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-please-ravish-me-again kind of look.

Sasuke twisted around so he could see everything. The silver bracelets were annoying and so was the pendent hanging over his collarbone. And if the Uchiha had thought girls were crazy before (which he had) now he knew for a fact they were. He fingered the dangling earrings in his ears. Who the hell would do that to themselves willingly? It had hurt.

"Are you done admiring yourself, teme?" Naruto demanded.

"He's right, Sasuke-kun, we need to work on mannerisms and your voice before we go," Sakura added.

The glare he had directed at Naruto disappeared, only to be replaced by what could only be described as "bedroom eyes." His lips opened slowly and in a sultry, slightly gravely (but nonetheless feminine sounding) voice said, "Good evening sir, how may I please you?"

Three jaws dropped as Sasuke smirked in victory.

Naruto whistled appreciatively. "Damn Sasuke, if I didn't hate you, I'd totally do you."

Stepping smoothly in between them as Sasuke launched himself at the hysterically laughing blond, Sakura calmly asked Kakashi. "What about a name? He can't introduce himself as Sasuke, you know."

Sasuke paused, arms outstretched to choke. He forgot about a name. Hmmm….


He turned to face Naruto. "Excuse me?"

"Soo- kay," he said slowly, as if Sasuke were stupid.

"What kind of stupid-"

"I like it." Sasuke to Sakura, jaw dropping. "Cute, feminine, easy to remember." She shrugged, turning back to Kakashi. "Works for me."

"And since you're the expert, that means we're good to go." He vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Sasuke groaned as his two teammates vanished one after the other. Oh man, he thought, taking a look in the mirror one last time. I have a bad feeling about this.

A/N: And thus we have the first chapter of an incredibly short story. This idea came to me when I was thinking about what would happen if two missions… crossed paths. And not in a good way either. In an oh-my-God-I-hate-my-life-how-could-this-happen-to-me kind of way. It's all in good fun, though. It's all in good fun.