Disclaimer: Never have, never will.

Dedication: To those adorable little emo kids who think the worst hardship in life is having their mommies take away their eyeliner. Because how can you possibly be dark and depressed and misunderstood all the time if you don't have eyeliner to prove it? Ooh! Idea! Get real lives.


Raven was not in the mood to talk.

This wasn't unusual for the dark girl, but today in particular she was adamant to simply complete her task in the city and return home to the Tower, where she and her friends had been brainstorming possible motives behind the recent Dr. Light/Warp team up that had appeared on the scene of a new crown jewels exhibit at the Jump City Museum. Raven had spent the last four hours listening to Robin insist that the two had more in common than really crappy costumes and Cyborg repeatedly arguing that not everything was a big conspiracy.

Finally the empath had given up and volunteered herself to get the group a much needed energy boost. And although she'd been looking for an escape when she left the Tower, she was hardly looking to socialize with anyone.

Especially not the self proclaimed hardcore emo guy, Devin, he'd called himself, who seemed to be trying to flirt with her in the Starbucks line.

"Teen Titan, eh?" He was saying with a smirk after taking a bite of the McDonalds Big Mac in his right hand. "I've been told by past girlfriends that I'm quite a night titan myself." Raven rolled her eyes at the pathetic innuendo, trying to keep her gag reflex in check whenever she accidentally got a look at the jeans the boy was wearing, so tight that they left next to nothing for the imagination. On Robin, the spandex was a legacy to be embraced and worn with pride. This guy, however, should've kept the skinny jeans on the rack to be burned when fashion designers finally decided to torch the lot of them.

"Cigarette?" Devin, who looked no older than seventeen, offered Raven the pack he'd withdrawn from his pocket with the hand not occupied by the Big Mac. In an attempt to keep communication to an absolute minimum and at the same time prevent her new stalker from lighting up, she hitched a nonchalant thumb at the door, where a "No Smoking" sign was stuck adjacent to the Starbucks logo. "Ah, dammit. There goes The Man, trying to keep us down again," he shrugged and raised a cigarette to his mouth despite the sign. "Well, that's why we've got to stick it to The Man." Raven did not often entertain the idea of bursting into uncontrollable laughter. That moment, however, she did. Unfortunately, a flippant reply rolled off her tongue before the hysterics got up her throat.

"Right. Damn The Man for preventing innocent bystanders of your filthy cigarette smoke from dying of lung cancer. Because where's the fun if you're not killing people? Or better yet, yourself." A black energy encased Devin's cigarette and sent it flying into the farthest trashcan from the line.

"Feisty. I like." He smirked and Raven inwardly shuddered, wondering if there was a complicated scientific name for chronic idiocy. "Look, my friends and I hang out at the park on Friday nights. We drink beer, talk about life and how much it sucks, how there's no one who really understands us and we're alone…shit like that. It'd be cool if you came with." This guy obviously couldn't take a hint, so Raven decided to spell it out for him.

"Sounds intellectual, but I think I'll pass," the empath turned to make eye contact with Devin. "See, I'm a Teen Titan. I have responsibilities. You know, protecting the city from sociopaths and all that. I also have real friends, not drunken losers who slum around Central Park after dark, that are in dire need of caffeine so that we can continue our work. So if you'd be so kind as to either shut up until you have to order your drink or simply leave and allow me to get my coffee that much faster, it would be much appreciated." The boy appeared to be taken aback by Raven's outburst, but he got over his shock quickly.

"God. The rumors are true. You're a serious bitch. Dead sexy, I'd do you in a second. But you're a bitch."

Raven rolled her eyes, fists clenched. "Make up your mind before I call the police and report you for harassment."

"Can't take me yourself?" Devin sneered at her, driving the dark girl's annoyance up another notch.

"Oh, believe me, I could take you and your army of drunken friends. Calling the police rather than fighting you myself is simply kindness on my part and luck on yours, because you do not want to handle the demons in my mind." Raven stared him down murderously.

"You think you scare me? I'm not afraid of the dark," the boy cackled almost manically. Fabulous, now people were staring. "I invite demons. So give me what you've got, Raven." The Titan considered her antagonist for a moment, then chuckled softly to herself.

"You believe you embody the darkness? With your too tight jeans that are practically riding up your ass, skater shoes so many sizes grater than that of your actual foot that I question how you walk in them, and wearing your classic, self-empowering 'Fuck the System' t-shirt while holding a half eaten McDonalds Big Mac in one hand and standing in line for a Starbucks? Way to really screw the system over by feeding it, Rebel." Devin's mouth opened and closed but no sound came out. Raven's expression darkened and she continued before he could think of a decent response to her attack. "But you want to talk about welcoming demons…real demons? The demons in my mind are ones that have taken over entire dimensions, tyrannizing societies, raping mothers multiple times over as their children stand and watch in horror, slicing open these same children then healing them, only so they can be sliced open again. The demons in my head aren't very nice, Devin. These demons…they like to hear their victims scream." The boy who had previously been mocking her stared with wide eyes, reduced to a shuddering human being.


It was only then that Raven displayed a small, condescending half-smile. "No, I'm honest. Now if you're done finishing off the last of my IQ points, I'd like to order my coffee and get it back to my friends so we can continue our investigation before Slade decides to mercy kill whatever high school was unfortunate enough to have you in it's district."

"I dropped out of high school," the boy sneered as he regained his composure, as though the phrase would salvage his dignity in some way.

"Shocker," Raven shot back venomously before finally stepping around the boy and reciting the five drink orders she had committed to memory.

Note to self, she thought as she slipped the proper tender across the counter to a smirking Starbucks employee who'd been watching Raven's conversation with Devin for some time, Starbucks houses idiots. Next time the team wants coffee, SEND CYBORG. He can turn off his hearing.


So on my way back home from Las Vegas this summer, my family and I stopped at a Burger King. In front of us in the line for food was a twenty-something year old guy with a Starbucks in his hand an a 'Fuck the System' t-shirt on his back. I started laughing uncontrollably, and my mother thought I was having a seizure.

Oh yeah, there's a huge system fighter right there. For everyone's general information, if you wear a shirt that says 'Screw/Fuck/To Hell With/Etc. the System/Man/Government/Etc.' YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED WITHIN TEN YARDS OF A CHAIN RESTAURANT/CAFÉ.

Because then you just look stupid.

Anyways, that's where this idea came from.

Please, thank you, much love.