A/N: I suck, I know. I had this ¾ the way written for about 4 months and just never went back to finish it. I think there's going to be one more chapter, it'll be kinda long, to sum it all up. Thanks for your patience. Hope you enjoy!
You know what's really hard? To know that you've fucked up, come to your "friends" for advice and find that they are no fucking help, whatsoever. I don't really blame the lot of you for the bit of trouble I've gotten myself into. Let's face it, I can't even figure how to get myself out of it and I'm divine. What did I really expect humans to do?
I really think after this whole Randy assignment is over, I'm going to take a leave of absence. I really think I'm starting to lose my touch. I used to be able to withstand anything. I could fuck with the humans for a little bit, and never once did I lose sight of my goal. I never got personally involved.
I don't get it. I've helped some of the greats. I was the one that told Caesar that haircut looked good on him. I convinced Thomas Jefferson that Sally Hemmings was the woman for him. I was the one that gave Linda Lovelace the idea to try deep throating. I encouraged John Mapplethorpe to buy his first camera…Hell, if you really want to get technical, I was the one behind the success of The New Kids on the Block. I've worked with some of the greats, and turned a lot of dolts into superstars…all I had to do was help one guy find love. It shouldn't have been that hard. But I guess, all it takes is one brainless moron, and a few mind numbing orgasms and centuries worth of muse work goes straight down the drain.
Since meeting Randy, I have no control over my charges. I'm making careless mistakes and interfering with charges that aren't even mine. I'm sleeping with the man I'm supposed to be helping. And you know what's worse than that? I fell in love. Head long and hard…up to my eyeballs in warm and tingly feelings, fell in love. Who in the hell made me a muse?
Well, seeing as how I've given up on the idea of you helping me with this, I still think that this would go a lot easier if we were all on the same page. If you'll remember, I revealed myself to Randy and morphed into human form for the purpose of sex. I know it's wrong and I'm not proud of it. Moving on… after a week of carnal pleasure I declined his would be proposal and he got pissed and stormed out. And if that wasn't bad enough, Mark told Adam he was leaving and then John turned around and left Adam because he thought the wanted Mark.
See what I mean? Muses are supposed to guide, not fuck things up. But I'll tell you this much, if The Powers That Be call me on these little indiscretions, I'm blaming it all on Freewill.
One of the advantages to being invisible is that I can follow anybody and they never know I'm there. Now I know that sounds like stalking, but I call it doing my job to the letter. I was employed to make sure that Randy fell in love, so if that meant that I had to watch him twenty-four hours a day…while he ate, slept, and showered…those dark moments alone in his hotel room when his hand absently ran down his abs and landed beneath the covers, and that the thin sheen started to form on his brow and his breathing became labored…yeah, I was going to privy to all of that.
Well, it just so happens that never got to the good stalking, I mean "following", him part. No, I caught up with him the damn gym, when he was fully dressed. I knew damn well Randy could hear me calling his name, because he kept running faster on the treadmill. "Randy, talk to me."
Punching another button on the machine, he increased his speed and continued to look straight ahead. I hate when he gets like this. He really doesn't show anger very often, but when he does it's really immature.
"If you don't talk to me, I'm going to go away. For real this time. I'll be gone and you'll never hear from me again." I wasn't really going to go anywhere. I couldn't, not until my assignment was over, only he didn't need to know that.
Pressing the button to stop the treadmill, Randy stepped off the machine and smiled when a brunette walked passed him. "Orton." She said with a smile, instantly making me want to rip her face off.
"Candice." He smiled back, looking at her as if she were a steak. "You got plans tonight?" When she shook her head, he dared to open his mouth to speak again. "Good, cause now you do."
"Oh really? And what am I doing?" I hate it when women play coy and bat their stupid eye lashes and twirl their dumb hair around their fingers. Did Randy really think this was going to work? Did he think he could make me jealous?
I'm a muse, I don't get jealous. But, damn if my cheeks didn't feel hot when he got closer to that Candice woman. You know, if I were a lesser muse, I could convince her that that little itch she'd been feeling on her top lip was a result of the evening she'd spent with Dave Batista. But I'm not that shallow, I won't stoop that low. But, if you happen to watch her on television and notice a big ass blister…it's not a cold sore.
"Me." Randy touched her bare shoulder and shot up his brow waiting for her to protest. "It's been too long, Candy. We got a lot of catching up to do." Moving closer to Candice, Randy wrapped an arm around her. Leaning down to whisper in her ear, I could sense the dread overcoming him. "A whole lot."
Who was he fooling? He didn't want to spend the night with her any more than I wanted him to. "Randy. This is stupid."
"We can go to the movies…" His voice started to rise as if he was trying to drown me out. Now we both know that I'm a muse. I can't be ignored. But I'll admit, I was having field day watching him try. "Then I can take you to dinner…"
"Is this really necessary?" I asked him louder to make sure that he heard me.
Rolling his eyes, he pressed his lips right next to Candace's ear. "AND THEN YOU CAN COME BACK TO MY ROOM AND PLAY WITH THE LITTLE LEGEND." I wish you could've seen the look on her face. I wish you could've seen the look on the faces of everyone in the gym. From the deafening silence and the sudden cessation of all the weight machines, everyone was holding out for her response.
You know, for a woman that spends so much time in the tanning bed, she turned lobster red in a matter of seconds. "Um…yeah. Look Randy, I think I might be busy, later. I'll let you know, okay?" With a pat to his chest, Candice walked away.
I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't happy that she left. But I knew she wasn't the one for him. But was she not the one for him because I didn't want her to be? That is truly one of life's great mysteries. "Now, is this tantrum of yours over?" I asked watching as he snatched his towel from the machine that he had once been on and made his way to the locker-room. As if that would stop me. I had been trying to catch him naked for a few days. I wanted him to go in. I could have gotten a glance at a few other hard-bodies at the same time. "Randy, you can't ignore me forever."
"Oh yeah," he whipped around facing the soda machine and pointed a finger at it. Had I actually been standing there, I would have thought that he was serious. But seeing as how I was standing behind him, I really couldn't feel threatened. "You've done nothing but fucked me up since you came around. It was all fine and dandy when all you use to do is touch me in my sleep. It was cool, I was down for it. But NOOOOOOO, you had to start talking to me with that voice. And then you had to show me what you looked like. Then you just had to make me fall in love with you…"
I've watched Randy on his show a few times and believe you me, I never thought he could act before. But he certainly does have a flair for the dramatics. "You're not in love with me, Randy! You only think you are."
"I loved you! You can't make me fall in love with you and then use that 'I'm an angel and we can't be together' bullshit excuse. It's the oldest one in the book" What the hell books has he been reading?
He leaned against the door to the lockerroom and looked right at were I was standing. That's not a good sign. That only proved that my fear was right. He was becoming too involved with me. He could sense me even when invisible. Oh, I really fucked this up.
"Randy." I said moving away from his line of vision and I'll be damned if his eyes didn't follow me.
"You know, I may not be that smart, but I know bullshit when I hear it. And right now you're talking so much shit you should be writing it down on toilet paper. You love me April and your too fucking scared to admit it."
I had to stand back because I had no idea what he was talking about. I wasn't full of shit. I wasn't lying. He wasn't in love with me. He couldn't be. He shouldn't be. But what if he was? And why the fuck does he insist on calling me April? I hate that name.
This was so far beyond a fuck up, I don't think there's a name for it. If the amount of my fuck up did have a name, it would probably be called Serendipity.
That's it. I Serendipitied. And it's not like I never made mistakes before. Just not anything of this magnitude that I can remember. I've been doing this job for thousands of years, you would think that I could have helped Randy fall in love without getting involved. What the hell was I thinking?
The truth is, I wasn't thinking. It's kind of hard to think when your staring face to thighs with that body. Those lips, thighs, eyes, thighs, chest, and thighs, and his…well, the part just above his thighs, who would expect me to be able to think with that much distraction?
Speaking of a distraction, I decided that's what I needed. So to add insult to injury, I figured I needed to check out how my other major fuck up was going. Well, that's not really my fuck up. You know if I play this right, I could blame Kismet for the whole bloody thing. I could tell TPTB that I was so distraught over Kismet fucking up John and Adam that I made a mistake in sleeping with Randy.
The Traumatic Reaction Defense that has been used by lesser muses than myself. Some of them got off easy. Take Luck she got off easy. All she had to do for punishment was convince Jessica Alba that she could act. I know it sounds like torture, but it could have been a lot worse.
I wasn't the only one who dropped the ball, so in an attempt to make myself feel better I decided to check to see just how bad of a job Kismet was doing. I just wanted to compare damange, if you know what I mean. Surely I couldn't have been doing as badly as she was. Boy, was I wrong.
Adam tried the knob on Mark's hotel room door quietly and stood there looking at the other man's back. He hadn't meant to dismiss him the way he did, but he needed to process everything. John had left him, told him it was over, for no reason. All Adam was doing was telling Mark that he couldn't survive without his best friend, yet John somehow took that as a betrayal. And to make it worse, now Mark wouldn't even turn around to face him.
Mark raised his head toward the ceiling and closed his eyes. He knew it was Adam. He could sense his presence…smell his cologne. He couldn't take it anymore. This was the right thing to do. He stepped around the bed and made his way to the bathroom to retrieve a few items, making sure not to look into Adam's hazel eyes.
"What are you doing?" Adam walked in the room and grabbed the toothbrush out of Mark's hand. This was what he didn't want to happen. It was too much to take in in one day.
Mark simply held his hand out toward Adam for his possessions back. He didn't want this fight, again. He had made up his mind; this was best for everyone. "Smiles, come on. I gotta cab coming."
"No!" Adam walked over to the suit case and dumped the contents on the bed. He didn't care if Mark had Vince McMahon himself was coming to pick him up, he wasn't letting him go. "You're not leaving. You can't leave!"
"I can't do this anymore. I can't stand by and watch you with him. I can't stand to see the look on your face knowing that you're not with him. Everything with you is about HIM!" Snatching his toothbrush out of Adam's hand, he stuffed it into the side pocket of his suitcase.
Adam picked up the suitcase and threw it across the room. Mark wasn't leaving him. No matter what, he wasn't going to allow it. "You said that my happiness was important to you. This doesn't make me happy Copani."
"What the hell do you want from me, Adam?" All of us took a step back at hearing Mark say Adam's name. He never called Adam by his name, but he was trying to make a point. "I can't keep putting myself through this. For months I've sat back and watched. For months I sat home and wondered. And I'll be God damned if I'm not back here doing this same shit again. As long as I'm here I'm gonna have to see you always wanting him. And as long as I'm here, I'm always gonna want you. I want you to be happy, Smiles. I really do. But, I want to be happy, too. And I can't make sure that you're alright if I'm fucking torn up inside."
It was at that moment that I was ready to punch Adam in the face. I knew that Mark was going through it, but I had no idea it was this bad. This was his last ditch effort. This was his one grip at happiness. I felt so bad for him.
"I'm sorry. I never meant it to get this far." Adam placed his hands on Mark's shoulders and leaned his forehead into his. For just a moment he closed his eyes and tried to process how to say what was on his mind. When he opened his eyes and saw up close the pain behind Mark's chocolate orbs, he let out a huff. "For so long, you've been the one constant thing in my life. No matter what I was going through, you were always here." Taking a step back from Mark, Adam turned to sit on the bed. He folded his arms and rested them on them on his knees. "No matter what I did to you, you were always here. I don't know to handle you not being here."
Well why the hell didn't he appreciate it before? I almost screamed it out to him, but with the way my luck has been going they may have heard me. So, instead I did the only other thing I could do. I thought my question really hard in Mark's direction.
"Then why do you treat me like he treats you?"
Adam's brows came together in confusion. He opened his mouth to answer and then closed it quickly. Licking his lips carefully, he finally spoke. "What are you talking about?"
"Carrying you around like you're on a string. Giving you just enough to make you want him, but always pulling back. Making you beg for his attention…doing whatever it takes for him to notice you. Getting just enough to make sure you don't leave…" The tears rolled down Mark's cheek and he wiped them away quickly. "That's how he treats you. That's how you treat me. It's like you have to break me because he's always breaking you."
"Copani, I didn't….I don't…Oh my God." And then, even I was surprised. I think for the first time, Adam really got it. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to…the last thing I would want is for you to know what it feels like to want to be with someone so bad that you become someone else to be with them." Adam turned his head to the right when Mark took a seat next to him. This was probably the last chance he'd ever have to tell Mark how he felt. "Before it just about getting John to admit that he loved me. But these few months, it's been about everything to make that he doesn't stop. I don't get to enjoy being with him because I'm trying so hard to keep him. He loves me, but not the way I need him to. But I'm so afraid to let him go."
"I know what that's like. It's how I feel about you."
"You know hurts the most? Everything I tried so hard to hold onto…my relationship with him, my friendship with you…I managed to fuck both of them up. I fought so hard for a relationship that wasn't going anywhere and fought against the one that I knew would be good for me. I'm sorry." Sniffing back the emotion that came across in his voice touched his hand to Mark's.
I wanted them to be together, but I wanted Mark to do what was best for him. Why in the hell was love so hard? If people just listened to their muses and did what we said, it wouldn't be so complicated. Oh, but wait, Adam's muse flaked out on him, didn't she? Kismet. That cunt faced whore.
"Can you ever love me?" Mark asked quietly, placing his hand on Adam's.
Adam interlocked his fingers with Mark's and raised it to his lips. "I already do. But it's too late now. You're leaving."
"Well…I haven't exactly left yet." A teary smile crossed Mark's lips. That's all he ever wanted, was for Adam to love him. "We gotta figure this thing out, Smiles. Because I'm not gonna be your doormat anymore. I'm not watch you fall all over him or be your second choice. When you decide what you want, come see me."
Well, one out of two ain't bad, is it? So Randy's mad at me…really, can you blame him? At least Mark and Adam seem to be on the right path. Now the question is, will Adam be able to convey this to John?
Fucking Kismet! Doesn't she know that I have my own shit to fix? How in the hell does she expect me to do all of this shit on my own?