optimusprimus001: Right now, this is just a oneshot/teaser for a future story I'm possibly looking into doing. Reviews are always appreciated, whether just a compliment or a critique, comments are still welcome (and always will be). This may or may not be updated, depends on how many reviews you readers can scrounge together.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just the sadness... And despair... And death. (There's death in this thing? Oo;)
It was cold here. There seemed to be no light at all, mattering not if my optics were online or off. Just an overwhelming darkness in the depths of night. It's so cold and lonely, where I am, though the city sparkles at me from the inviting balcony. I could see the lights in the restraunt windows from here, if I wanted to, and the lamps that line the streets. The office windows in the distance seem to stretch forever towards the night sky, which give off their own, soft glow. Even so, the lights only make it seem darker here in my room. And alone.
That was the worst part, being alone. Without someone here, someone to care... Missing him-- it hurts more than anyone could imagine. Still, at times, I continue to think of him... What is he doing now? Does he have a family, now that I've left? Did someone far truer than I could have ever been find him, and remain with him for these seven years past? I hope, for him, that he has. He shouldn't have to go through the pain I have.
But most of all, I wonder if he's happy.
And that's the thought that lingers, even as I move away from the cool, glass window to the corner in my room. That thought is the one that refuses to leave. It nags at me, though I know he must be happy. Nothing can harm him, he's too strong for it. So strong, he reaches out to take other's pains, their sorrow, their harm. Loves taking it, too. Enjoys helping everything he can, even if it isn't his place to help, isn't much of his concern, isn't anything he needs to do. He just does. And to be honest, it drove me up the wall when I first met him. That was before I understood him. It didn't take long before I realized there was no changing him, and if anyone was going to have a chance, they would have to be willing to change. Which certianly wasn't me. I left soon afterwards, hoping he'd be far happier with someone who could understand him even better than I. And so, 'He is happy' has become my constant reassurance of my leaving him...
Yet somehow, it still hurts. A lot.
But everything hurts now, no matter what I do. Every day, I somehow have more bruises, scrapes, and scars. I can only cry myself to sleep once every few megacycles. Everytime I come out of recharge slower than the last time, if I manage to rest. I have trouble concentrating when I'm at work in the library. I lack the motivation to eat. I slid down against the wall in the corner of the room to a sitting position, and wrapped my arms around my knees. Then I shut my optics off, praying to Primus that I could simply just fall asleep like I used to...
He was there again, watching me with those light-blue optics of his. A frown gently touched my lips, and he merely stood before me, his intense gaze on my face.
"What do you want?" I whispered, "Why can't you just leave me alone?"
He didn't answer, simply continueing to watch me. I mustered the courage to lift my face slightly to 'look' at his, giving him what would have been a glare, "Can't you see I'm not good enough for you? I can't change enough for us to stay together... You need to move on!... I'm sorry..." I tried to tell him, breaking into tears as I did so.
He remained silent. And I buried my face in my arms, sobbing, "Go away... please... just go... I can't love you... Go away... please..."
I felt a warm, ghostly hand brush against my face, pushing my tears away, and I brought my head up to see his face again. Only the emotion I saw there shook me to the core, and I felt my optics widen in astonishment. Because...
He was sad.
"Optimus," I breathed, tears dampening my face even more, and my optics flashed online... To find myself alone once again. Stunned, I numbly got to my feet and stumbled over to the balcony and struggled to open the door leading out. I shakily moved over to grip the railing, and stared out at the city below. I remained there, listening to the soft breeze that held his gentle voice calling me...