Green Eyes
Movement IV: Acquiescence


It's too late

I'm sorry I love you
At first it was cool
You told me you loved me too
and then you lost your love
oh then you lost your love
and then you lost your love
wanted me to go away but I can't, no
see - I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late

just make love to me
just one more time
and then you'll see
I can't believe I made a desperate plea...
what's with me?

see - I can't leave, it's too late
I can't leave, it's too late
don't you know
I can't leave, its too late
can't go no where, no, it's too late
it's - too late
It's - too late
It's - too late

c'mon, don't you want to be strong with me
You told me we had a family
Wanna run to mama when you're down and low
But when times get tough, and there you go
ooh, out the door you wanna run again
open my arms and you come back in
wanna run cuz you said that you were afraid
now you're free, go
Never knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can't be what I need you to
and I don't know why I fk with you

I know our love will never be the same
but I can't stand these growing pains


Lois's narrowed her eyes at the door when her second knock went unanswered. "Open the door, Clark. I know you're there," she said loudly. She had some kind of sixth sense when it came to him – she knew he was on the other side of the door.

When the door opened, she pushed past him without waiting to be invited. Once inside, she paused, accosted by the memories of the one-sided argument they'd had the last time she was there. She kept her back to him, struggling to maintain her sense of self, and looked around the room warily. She didn't know what she was looking for exactly- perhaps something, anything, that wouldn't remind her of happier times and make her miss them.

Unfortunately, the opposite was true- everything around her was familiar.

"Um, Diana's not here."

Lois shook her head and finally turned to face him. "Well, seeing as I didn't come to talk to her - forgive me if I'm not all that disappointed."

"You wanted to talk… to me?" Clark asked.

"Astonishing, huh?" Lois retorted wryly.

A sigh coming from Clark made Lois want to roll her eyes. If their non-verbals could be deemed a language, they would never have communication issues.

The silence continued to be deafening. Lois waited.

"Have you been drinking?"

That wasn't really the question Lois was expecting. "You expected me to self-destruct, didn't you?" She scoffed. "Typical."

He sighed again.

"I had one drink, Clark. Am I off of the hay wagon?" To her chagrin, she sounded bitter.

Clark looked satisfyingly chastened. "Lois, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Didn't you?" she asked, tilting her head as she studied his face. "Because you had that whole list of things prepared to say, and that alone tells me you had it planned out before hand. Are you tying to tell me that in all that premeditation, you didn't think that I would be hurt?"

She shifted her scrutiny away from his face and waited for a response - she didn't expect him to have one. The guilt in his expression was answer enough.

In the taxi ride on the way over, she had tried to iron out what she had wanted to say. Her initial plan had been based in anger and fury, emotions egged on by the rants of her friends. They meant well, her girls did. They had done their part of the bargain of blindly supporting her and defaming the memory of her enemies. That's what friends were for.

But somewhere between Cleveland Ave and Union, she had come to realize that she was beyond the anger now. Sure, there was still some hurt at the foundation, but that was expected. That would fade… slowly, and then the melody would change. She had come here ready to face the next stage.

Lois lifted her head again. "I came here to tell you that you were right about us… about everything."

"You… you did?"

Once upon a time she thought his confusion was adorable, now it just irked her. She nodded. "We did move fast – really fast for a one month relationship. On the surface we are opposites, and yes, there is the question of if what we have – I mean, if what we had could exist outside of these four walls…"

She met his questioning gaze. "We fell too fast for it to be believable."

Lois's brow narrowed slightly when his gaze darted from hers. "I was wrong about a lot of things," she told him. "Namely…"

She looked around the room and then moved to stand near his bookshelf. "…When I stood right here, in this spot, and let you crush me with line after line of reasons… and like some kick bag, I just took it. Like I was popping back up each time; ready for another hit."

Lois turned away from him and started studying the titles of the books lining the shelves, even though she could have found any one of them by memory. "I never said anything back, never defended myself…"

Never defended us, she finished silently.

"That was wrong. But let me tell you where you were wrong." She spun to face him again. You said that you were saving our friendship, but the truth is that you didn't – you couldn't. Our friendship," she practically spat out the word in contempt. "…is ruined."

There was pain in his expression as Clark looked at her from his position near the door. He hadn't moved since she'd walked in. "You don't mean that."

Lois internally scoffed at his naivety. "You asked me to walk away, Clark. To quit." Her vision was blurring slightly, but she refused to allow the presence of tears to cause her voice to hitch. "And I have been trying like hell to prove to myself that I felt the same way you did, but I can't… because I don't."

Again, he took on that confused expression. She could almost hear his thoughts. What was it that she didn't feel? "I don't want to love you," she answered his silent inquiry. "But I do."

Lois had come to the realization that denying that powerful emotion would have meant denying her true self. So she had stopped with the denial. Not that it made it any easier to handle. "And I just can't walk away from that. So, no, we can't go back to being friends. It's too late. And you know it."

Lois watched him silently; feeling the moment one of those shivering drops of salty water slipped over her eyelid and began crawling down her cheek. If you couldn't go back, and you couldn't go forward, where did that leave you?

His lack of response was unnerving to her, and that, mixed with her current emotional state was like a Molotov cocktail of vulnerability. She rushed across the room and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Am I unloveable?"

She peered into his eyes and moved a hand to the side of his jaw. He didn't flinch. "Show me," she pleaded, moving her body closer to his, and tucking her face into his neck.

Just as she felt his arms start to move, finally breaking the statuesque-like pose he had been keeping, she released him and shot backwards. She covered her face with her hands. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize…" His voice was husky and it drove home what she had just done – almost done.

"I wasn't apologizing to you," she fired back with narrowed eyes. "I was talking to myself," she scoffed. "I can't believe I'm acting like this. Everything is just so messed up."

She wrapped her arms around herself and glared at him. "What I should be doing is taking all of my anger and hurt out on you…"

Not remembering why I loved you in the first place, she thought.

Clark nodded, as if agreeing with her, and she shook her head. This time, she was the one who was confused. "I don't understand, Clark… Why?"

She could see that he was avoiding her eyes. "I can't be what you want me to."

Her confusion only deepened. "When have I ever asked you to be anything?"

He finally met her gaze and the condescending look he gave her ignited a spark of anger. "Everyone wants something, Lois. Even you."

She bit it back on her anger, knowing that the rollercoaster of emotions would only spin out of control if she gave in. Their eyes dueled in an implicit sword fight. "You're right," she stated.

Her lips curled into a smirk as his expression became relieved. Her answer had made him feel justified in his actions and that angered her even more. She took a step closer to him. "So, let's get to the bottom of this. What was it that I wanted from you was too much to bear? What was it that I wanted you to be?"

"Stoic?" She poked his shoulder. "You seem to be doing very well with that right about now." She poked his chest. "Secretive?" She frowned at him. "I am not La… I have never even asked…" She bit back whatever she had been about to say. She didn't want to go there.

"So, what then?" She threw her hands in the air. "Present? Prompt? Faithful? I've put up with all of your excuses and never once did I suspect…" Her words trailed off and her eyes widened as she finally came upon an answer. Diana.

Her heart dropped from her chest and onto the floor. "Oh."

She could almost see the apology in Clark's eyes as his mind raced to the conclusion she had drawn. "No. Never. I wouldn't, Lois. She's not even… Fearless. I couldn't be fearless."

Lois was unsure of what to feel or think at that point. His words were contradicting what he had led her to believe. "Fearless? You don't think that I was afraid? You don't think that I'm afraid right now? You want to know what I wanted, no – what I needed you to be, Smallville?"

She looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. "A man." She frowned as his shoulders drooped. What was his problem? Why didn't he say something?

"Everyone has fears – it's what you do in the face of those fears that determines what kind of person you are… what kind of man you are." She had been afraid – and she had come here… to him.

Lois sighed heavily when he still didn't reply. "You asked me not to love you, and I tried, believe me, I tried – but it's too late. And as much as you would like to convince me otherwise, I don't believe that you can just 'lose' love." She waited. "Do you?"

This was it. What did she want? What did he want? This was what the bars referred to as the Last Call.

"Listen, every relationship has a breaking point. Either it cracks apart or it gets welded over and becomes stronger." Another pause. "Are we stronger?"

Her hands itched to touch him again, to bring his silence to an end and make him see her- really see her. "Do we get to use our one-time-idiot passes and try again?"

The one-time-idiot pass would allow him to renege on the stupid break-up ploy he had pulled. She could then use her pass to cancel the fact that she had asked him to marry her.

Too late. Too fast.

They stood there for a lingering moment, staring into each other's eyes without speaking. For the first time, she couldn't read his thoughts, and that made her doubt that she had ever been able to read him correctly… and that in turn made her doubt that she had ever read herself correctly. After all, she had a list of things that 'Lois Lane' did and did not do.

Lois Lane did not beg.

And she had already done too much of that already. "Okay." She pulled her gaze from his and nodded. "Okay."

She stepped past him to the door and paused. Looking back, she saw him still standing there, shoulders drooped and head lowered – looking like a fallen hero. She couldn't find it in her heart to say goodbye. It was too late.

Turning back around, she left the apartment and got into the waiting taxi. She wondered if having asked the cabbie to stay had been her unconscious acceptance of how this night would end – with her going home.

She told the driver to step on it. She felt as if she were fleeing the scene of a crime.

Lost in thought and reflection, she was startled when the cabbie informed her that the ride was over. Still in a shell-shocked distant mindset, she paid him for his services and made her way up the walkway to her apartment. As she walked, she dipped her head as her blind search in her purse for her keys became futile. When she looked up again, her breath and her steps came to a halt.

Blinking in surprise, she glanced around, and then back.

He didn't have a car – when he needed one he borrowed hers… or he had, before... She waited.

He stepped closer to her and she studied his eyes. Something flickered there and Lois wondered if she could trust herself to believe what she might have seen.

"How did you get here so fast?" she asked.

He hesitated, licked his lips, stood up straighter - and said, "I flew."