Hey, this is Lee-All-The-Way coming your way with my first one shot ever! w00t!
Drum roll please!
And now, for your reading pleasure (or not so pleasurable, whichever), here it is!
Warning: There is a bit of sick humor in here (people and animals exploding...). Please don't sue me for cruelty to animals. I really do love cats.
SCAR: DEATH BY THE RIGHT
Yeah, so life sucks for you. But you know what? I don't care. Because life is even worse for me. And this is how it all went...
I grew up and lost both of my parents and my brother. Boy, was he ever a nut job. But that's not the point. The point is that I lost them. My brother, he's probably dead somewhere. I'm sure he's dead somewhere. Just like that plant I forgot to water.
But after that I saw the light, Gods light. And I was graced with the power to rid the world of evil.
Now I realize what I did was wrong. And I am slowly putting my life back together. I don't kill anymore. I've got a wife, and a strong liking for kittens. There's just one problem. My right arm doesn't seem to realize that...
(Yeah, I'm switching to first person in a different writing style. So sue me.)
"Honey, I'm home!" I yelled up the stairs to my darling wife Danielle (random name).
"Okay Scar. Don't forget to feed Mr. Whiskers (the cat)" she yelled to me from down the stairs.
-No, she doesn't say the cat-
I walked into the kitchen and took out the cat food, placing some of it into Mr. Whisker food dish. I filled up his bowl with some more water, and a small bowl with milk.
Mr. Whiskers ate his food quickly and drank some water and milk. Then he started meowing, asking for attention, and a scratch behind the ears. I gave into it and petted him with my left hand. I quickly switched to my right hand because he was on my right side and it was easier to reach Mr. Whiskers that way. Then all of the sudden...
(Now how does an author put this nicely?)
And just like that, there was no more Mr. Whiskers.
Instead, there was cat food, water, and milk (along with some other things) plastered all over the kitchen walls.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mr. Whiskers! Why?!?!" I screamed.
(Later that day)
I was on a stroll, trying to get the death of my beloved cat out of my mind. Why had my arm started acting up now? I didn't even want it to. I was a new man! Didn't it realize that?
All of the sudden, a man walked up to me and said "Sir, I couldn't help but see that you were depressed. I am a therapist working with Therapy Inc. (wtf!? The name doesn't even make any sense!) So if you need a therapist, I'm your man. Oh, by the way, my name is Bob." He stuck out his right hand for me to shake, and without thinking about it I gave him my right hand.
All of the sudden...
Bob turned into a jellyfish. o.O
I poked him with my right hand and he turned into a blue blob of Jell-O. I kept poking him with my right hand and he kept turning into different things.
An airplane, a soda machine, a dump truck, my third grade teacher (STALKER!), Nelly Furtado, a stick, Yoda, Envy, Ed, Al, Rose, Winry, a big blob of red Jell-O, a vomiting zombie vampire hamster, a really complicated math problem, the key to the vault in the U.S. Treasury, a giant bouncy rubber ball that was yellow, a Teletubbie (scary thoughts...), Black Beard (the pirate), a drumstick (mmmmm, chicken...), and finally he turned back into Bob. I poked him with my hand one last time to see what he would turn into next. He didn't turn into anything.
"Hmmm. My arm must be on the fritz." I said out loud, and walked away.
(When I got home from my happy stroll through the park)
"Scar, come here I need to talk to you" said my loving wife Danielle.
I walked up the stairs.
"I'm sad about what happened to Mr. Whiskers" she said and sighed.
"It's okay Danielle" I said as I placed my right hand on her shoulder.
All of the sudden she...
(Yeah, this is gonna be kinda sad for Scar, but whatever.)
SEMULTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED AND IMPLODED AT THE SAME FREAKEN TIME! (o.O)
"NOoOoOoOoOoOo! Why does everyone that I love have to end up dead in the end?" I asked angrily.
I looked up to the sky in frustration. (Oh yeah, his wife simultaneously combusting and imploding at the same time took the roof right off of their house).
"God, why do you hate me?" I asked as I brought both of his hands to his head in frustration.
(Third person switch)
All of the sudden...
There was no more Scar.
So, how did you like my first oneshot? Yes, I know that I was cruel to animals, and believe me when I say that I have nothing against them. Dey is so cutey and cuwuddly! I just had to put that in there. Sorry, like, a million and one times!
So now I'm going to take you to the after life to talk to Scar.
Me: Scar. We have brought the readers along to the afterlife to meet you!
Me: First Question. How is the after life? (Heaven, hell, whatevah.)
Me: If you got the chance, would you change what happened?
Scar: But you're the author.
Me: True. What is the most interesting thing you ever learned?
Scar: That if you separate the word therapist into two words, you can make it The Rapist!
Scar: -shifty eyes-
Me: Okay. Is there anything that you want to tell the readers?
Scar: Rubber Chickens.
Me: Um, so. Do you wanna be in anymore of my oneshots?
Scar: N0 G0D N0. P134$3 $4V3 M3 FR0M 7H!$ $YC0P47H! (Translation: No god no. Please save me from this sycopath.)
GOD: Sorry, buddy. I can't understand you. You're talking in 1337.
Me: Well, that decides it then. You are going to be the basis for a few more oneshots.
Scar: -places right hand on head and SIMULANEOUSLY COMBUSTS!-
Well, sorry guys. You know, about this oneshot. Please review and let me know what you think. And give me a few ideas for oneshots where I could torture other characters from FMA or Naruto.
-------- Lee-All-The-Way --------