A/N: Last part! Thank you everyone for your comments! I'll be working on my other unfinished fics now and this has been great in helping to get me writing again
How long it's been since I've been on Earth. On Cybertron, the same amount of time would seem like a sparkpulse. Merely a few years here… and yet I feel like it's been a lifetime. Some have speculated that it must be due to the short-lived nature of things here. No creature here lives very long here. Even the environment is born, grows, and dies too soon. It should make me restless, upset, jittery…
Yet I love it, the constant change. Life on Cybertron was so tedious, so gray and alike. Is it any wonder I was the way I was? Anyone would turn into a callous beast after all that.
Anyone but you that is. You never let our world get to you or change the way you were. If only I could be so strong. It's hard enough not to let this Primus-forsaken war get to my very core. It's getting to some of the others; I can see them day after day. Every war has victims and the soldiers of this war are no exceptions. I can only pray that I will not be counted among them.
It's been a year since I started my letters to you, after I got over my needless fear of how they might be received. It's Spring now, and the cycle of the Earth has come full circle. One can only imagine how that time would be compared with Cybertron, for we have no more suns left with which to put time against. Perhaps that's why time seemed to go on so for long… it had merely stopped. After all, what is time but the measurement of movement?
The springtime here erases any of the bleakness and disparity of winter. New flowers bloom and the snow melts away to reveal light emerald plant beneath. One can hear the birds singing again as one travels along a patrol route or on an espionage mission. Everywhere around me there is birth, renewal, life. Any of the heartbreak caused by the harshness of winter has been replaced by this warmer season. There is no wound that cannot be healed by Spring.
I look around while on my routes, and while I cannot possibly appreciate this as much as my friend Hound does, and I know you would like Hound very much, I do see things that make my spark skip a pulse. I've seen red petals blooming from seeming nowhere, the last of the winter's snow shining on its surface. I've seen feisty little squirrels, a small creature much like the turbo-mice of home, chasing each other through the foliage when weeks ago, they were still and silent as the dead while they slept through the worst of winter.
My favorite sight is one that I treasure each and every time it comes into view. There is a creature called a deer here, and there is little I can do that can describe it for you accurately. It is a gentle creature, timid and delicate. Humans have many ways of thinking of them, but for me, I see them as innocence. In the spring, many creatures here have produced little ones of their own and you can see many new families if you know where to look.
This deer family that I saw took my breath away in how simply… amazing it was. The little one was shaky on its tiny feet, so its creators could not go to fast. Every now and then it had to be helped to its feet after a tumble. There was a male and female creator, its mother and father, and each had equal duty for their small one.
There are so many dangers that face this young life and I know the odds are stacked against its surviving the spring, but I hope it does. Those three live a life of innocence even if they don't know it. They can survive and learn and love and have families without ever worrying about the changing seasons or the new predators. I so wish I could live like that, Tailwind. And if you'll allow me to be so bold, I wish I could lead this life with you at my side.
On Cybertron the thought of being tied down with a mate let alone a creation would have terrified me. True one's creation is not reliant for long and seldom do the bonds last long after the sparkling has left for its own fortune. But a sparkling… one of you and I… Primus, why couldn't we have been like those deer? Back home in our towers we were just as innocent and naive, ignorant of anything around us but our own lives. I had a chance and I retreated out of fear. I would hope a creation of mine would not be so cowardly.
What would you have said if I had brought this subject up to you before? Would you have laughed at me? Would you have been angry? Or would you have, against all hope, agreed with my wish? If I weren't a coward would things be different now? Would you still be with me and would we have a family, even in this soulless war?
I feel like so much has been wasted, precious lives and time both. Yet as bad as it gets and as badly I feel for myself, I know that come a new cycle, spring will be there ready to wash it all away. When this happens, will I be with you once more or will I be somewhere else? Only Primus knows. And perhaps you, for you were always the smart one.
You are my spring, Tailwind, for you were always so innocent and could wash every sorrow from my body. You were that flower just ready to bloom fully, yet still so beautiful even as a bud covered in melting sparkling snow. Upon my next visit I will bring with me a picture I took of that deer family, nuzzling and prancing in a field of those flowers.
I will lay my four letters and my four gifts upon your memorial where I know you can see them. I've been a coward these past years, Tailwind, please forgive me for that. Until this moment, as I sit here writing this one last verse, I was afraid of going back up there to see you again. Yet I also know you will be as you've always been and I'll be called a silly little noblemech and I will be embraced and forgiven at once. You were always like that and I wish I could hear you do it again.
The days may be long until we finally do see each other again, and I no longer fear its coming to pass. Death does not frighten me anymore, for I know I will have a dancing angel, one of passion and serenity and shine and innocence, waiting for me. I was not able to tell you enough, but I love you. I always have. I will make you proud of me so that on the day we meet I will not be ashamed.
The days are few before my next leave and I look forward to seeing the place where your soul links to our world with that small marker in that huge hall. This may be my last letter for a while, but know that you are always on my mind and in my spark. You are in each cycle of my life, and with this renewing of seasons I know our own love might yet renew in some other place and time. Forgive this one of all his vices and fears, he does what he can. My gifts will surely express my feelings better than my words ever will, for I was never talented with the pen. My love, my Tailwind, my sweet dancer… how you've made such a silly gentlemech of me.
All My Love,