Note: A silly fic that came to mind while I was on an eleven hour bus ride to and from Washington D.C. Mentally, I haven't fully recovered. To warn, some use of language.
1. Two can Play that Game
It was the end of August and the inclement hot weather was blaring down with a vengeance before it would be forced to disburse into cool fall air come September. Pulling his long silver hair back into a ponytail, Riku waited for Axel to make his move in the card game they started about an hour ago. Besides the large pile of cards at the center of the carpeted floor, there were the scattered remains of other lost decks that met Axel's wrath after he lost a game. Much to Riku's chagrin the cards stuck to any surface of exposed sweaty skin that was his own.
"Can't you crank up the AC? I'm boiling here," Axel said with eyes still skimming the surface of his cards indecisively.
"Well, if someone didn't manage to turn on all the electrical devices in the house in order to fuel the so called "time machine" made out of an old toaster and some forks."
"You make it sound like I did it." The redhead's fingers lingered over a card. His long digits hesitated, pulled up the card, and pushed it back down to only choose the one next to it.
"You gave him the idea," Riku said trying to peel eight of hearts off his leg. His attention went back to the game and he looked at his hand. He picked out three diamond fours.
Axel hesitated on calling Riku out, but held his tongue not trusting the cocky smirk the silver haired youth had.
"It's not my fault your dad's an idiot," he retorted before staring at his cards again and start the agonizing process of choosing another card.
Given the choice, Riku would never be seen breathing the same air as Axel, but as the saying went, desperate times called for desperate measures. Their best friends were away on a family vacation which left them, the counterparts, alone with each other. Riku didn't hate Axel, but the man had the tendency to get under his skin. They had nothing in common and conversations were nothing more than insult contests. Not like Riku ever cared what Axel had to say anyway, because ninety percent of the words that came out of the redhead's mouth were pure
Axel growled as he picked up the entire pile.
Riku smiled smugly.
An awkward silence grew as Axel organized his huge stack.
"Can I ask you something?" Axel asked.
"Yes." Riku sat up and found that a card was conveniently stuck on his lower back. Maybe that would teach him to play cards in just his shorts.
"Why is it that from the time I've known you, I haven't seen you involved with anyone?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because I, flaming god of sex, have been generous enough to hang out with you therefore making you cool. The girls should have been mauling you all summer. What gives?"
"If you're looking for me to hook you up with anyone then forget it." Riku reached and managed to peel the card off his skin, wincing when the glossy surface nipped at his sticky skin. "And anyway, there's only one girl who's crazy enough to stalk me and that's Selphie."
"Really? Why is she so special?"
"Because she scares the others away."
Axel raised a thin eyebrow.
"Looks like I'll have to school you."
"School me on what?"
"In order to be in the same room as me, you'll either have to be a little less or equal to my level of hotness. Right now, on a scale of one to ten, you're a negative twelve and I'm a twenty. With me by your side I can get you to at least a five."
Axel looked at his potential protégé and smiled. Riku blinked then stared at the talking mess in front of him.
"So how are you going to do this? Give me the 'talk'?"
Axel cleared his throat and his voice took on a fatherly tone. "There comes a time in every man's life…"
"Please spare me; I had this talk when I was twelve."
"Bet your dad didn't tell you what happens between guys." Axel smiled and his eyes glinted mischievously.
Unfortunately at the moment, Riku's mind reeled back to the time when his father, a retired Shakespearian actor, performed, with sock puppets, William's unrelenting quest to find Peter's "glory hole." The message was clear: one was never to forget the lube.
"Yes….yes he did."
"Good," the redhead said, folding his arms and ignoring the dark emotional state boy was in.
"Wait. Did you just imply that I'm gay?" Riku asked snapping out of his depressive state.
"Not like you can get away with looking straight." Axel threw down four cards and announced that they were four queens.
"Bullshit!" Riku growled.
"Hey, I wasn't actually lying so pick up!"
"Not the game you ass."
But Riku reluctantly picked up the pile anyway. He wasn't in the mood to argue.
"Listen, it's nothing to be ashamed." Axel waited for Riku to throw down some cards. "Not like I'm in the position to judge," he said examining his own.
"Are you saying that...you're..." he looked around cautiously, as if speaking that very question could open Pandora's Box "... gay?" Riku grew tense, waiting for an answer.
"Hell no. I'm just very sexually open."
Riku's tense body fell.
"In other words, you'll fuck anything that walks?" he said throwing down the cards that had to follow. It was now Axel's turn.
"I'll have you know that people that sleep with me end up with crossed senses and the inability to walk straight for a week."
"I shit you not!"
"Not you the game, but keep going, I figured by now you like hearing yourself talk."
"The evidence my friend is in the limp afterwards."
The redhead grinned wolfishly as he picked up the pile.
"Although, some look like they limp with shame." Axel frowned a little then shrugged. He figured it only happened to people who had issues with guilt or something.
"Just to make sure you don't go on a tirade about the severe mental and emotional trauma you've bestowed upon every person you've come in contact with, I want to bring up the fact that I'm straight."
"I'm serious; it's none of your business what sex I'm interested in."
"So then you're gay?"
"No. I am not," Riku said firmly.
"But you're so defensive about it. So that makes you gay by default!"
Riku failed to see how Axel's Logic worked.
"God, just because you happen to like a person of the same sex does not make you gay!" the boy snapped. As soon as he realized his words, his mouth dropped and snapped shut. Riku pressed his hands over his mouth to avoid any other secrets to slip.
Axel looked at him slightly disappointed.
"Well that was two minutes sooner than I expected. I was trying to break you in five." Axel abandoned his cards, more interested in the boy in front of him than the game. "So who is it? Tidus? No, Tidus is such a jock. Probably slept with all the good cheerleaders by now."
"It can't be that Wakka kid?" Axel asked incredulously "That's like seriously hitting the gutter."
"You sound like a gossiping school girl," Riku said monotonously.
"Roxas," Axel said completely ignoring the boy. Riku gave up.
"I'll have you know," he said putting his arm around Riku in a manner that meant that what he was just going to say was to be shared only between them. "Roxas is pretty moody. I mean, I'm there playing the role of best friend, trying to get him laid by throwing every college girl I know. And how does he repay me? The little fucker goes and makes them cry. They all cry about the same shit too, something about Roxas being insensitive and not having a soul." Then the man stared into space thinking about the concept of having a soul.
Riku didn't move a muscle as the redhead dazed out.
Maybe if Axel stopped breathing, he would suffocate and die.
"Good kid though. But not your type."
Riku stood up, removing himself from Axel, and stretched.
"This conversation has been very insightful and all, but I'm going to hit the shower. So if you don't mind." Riku hoped that Axel got the hint of "Get the fuck out NOW" as he smiled sweetly.
Axel stood up, his height automatically towering Riku's.
"Come on, who is it? It can't be that bad. It's not like you're in love with Sora."
Riku found the cleaning up of the cards to be more interesting than answering Axel's question.
"So it is? Huh, never thought you liked the ditzy type," the man said and scratched the back of his head.
Riku ignored him and kept on picking up cards.
"Guess with him it'll be easier, no matter what you top!"
Riku was going to man slaughter his ass. No, no he wasn't because he didn't want to go to jail. He heard too many stories about what happens when you drop the soap.
"Good bye Axel," Riku said, voice trembling with anger.
"What! What in the hell can you possibly say to make the situation any more worse than it already is?" he yelled as he stopped his cleaning process.
Axel was surprised at the boy's outburst and remained silent. Until a Cheshire grin appeared on his face.
Kill. Yes. Kill. Now.
Riku picked up more cards, violently.
"So, when are you guys rubbing sticks?" Axel asked ignoring the throbbing vein on Riku's neck and the slight pink color the boy's skin was changing into.
Riku took in a deep breath and slowly counted to ten. He let it out and found his boiling anger drop down to a slight simmer.
"Sora is my best friend. We've known each other since we were kids. Our friendship is rooted too deep. I don't want to ruin it." He stopped and looked at the redhead. "I just have a small crush on him. I'll get over it soon."
"So you won't pursue him?"
Riku went back to picking up the cards.
"Because you want to treasure your friendship with him?"
"Great, I was thinking about banging Sora, thanks for the go!"
Riku went stiff and the cards that were in his hands dropped lifelessly on the floor.
"Well you practically just said, hey Axel, do me a favor and ravage Sora, because the poor boy needs to be educated about the world of sexual pleasure and ecstasy."
"I never said that!"
"Might as well!"
"You are not getting near him!" Riku growled.
"Hey, if you're not taking advantage of an easy fuck, then I am." Axel smiled while patting Riku on the top of his head.
"I should murder you." Riku shook slightly.
"Then what?" Axel raised a curious eye brow and placed a hand on his hip. "Bang Sora into oblivion? Trust me kid, I'm the only one certified for that."
"It won't happen," Riku said determinedly. He felt his body tense and his breath quicken. He was nervous. He didn't know why, but he just was. He didn't want Sora in the hands of the creep in front of him.
"No, I'm pretty confident. I have the skills. Look what I can do." Axel flipped his wild blood red hair. "Sora is in the bag."
"It won't happen because I won't let you get in my way," Riku threatened, a sly smirk on his face.
"If anyone is going to be with Sora, it's going to be me."
"Now you're talking!" Axel's eyes lit up. "Let's spice this up with a fun wager. Make the kid fall for you within three dates and the winner gets five hundred big ones along with the new boy toy."
"You're on," Riku spat. He put forth his hand. "May the best man win."
"Or lose." Axel chimed in.
And their hands shook, sealing the deal. Riku thought for a second. With the intense heat that made even the process of thinking impossible, Axel's sharp locks, his glowing emerald eyes, and malicious smile that stretched across an ever so friendly face, it looked as if he was making a pact with the very devil himself.