A/N- Okay, so this is a series of drabbles written in the form of a How To book. This is dedicated to my fiancé, for giving me the idea. As for the format of this story, in italics will be what is written in the guide. In normal formatting are the scenes. Now, let's remember that this is supposed to be silly and fun. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimerness- I don't own Batman. It belongs to DC Comics and WB. I'm making no money off of this. Trust me. This applies to this and all following drabbles in this series.


Chapter One

Poison Ivy

Materials needed: one plant (does not have to be one of hers, but one of hers would be preferable), one gun (loaded or not is your choice. See note about guns at the end of the chapter).

Poison Ivy hid as her giant Venus flytrap threw out its thorned vines at Batman. With each hit, a tear formed in his bat suit. Trying his best to watch Ivy's movements and the flytrap's movements, he looked for a good potted planet specimen. This would be crucial to his survival.

Step One: Locate potted planet. DO NOT allow yourself to be open to attacks. Located plant small enough to be held in hand, but large enough to make an impression. Do so quickly.

Batman ducked and rolled as Ivy ran out from behind her flytrap and shot a few of her crossbow arrows at her. The plant did not bother to stop even as she did this, continuing its attempt to capture the Dark Knight and make him its meal. Rolling as far to the right as quickly as possible, Batman made a quick grab of a large plotted African Violet plant.

Step Two: Make it known that the plant is in your possession.

"What are you doing with that, Batman?" Ivy screeched as he stood, holding the plant up in his left hand.

Step Three: Make your intentions known.

Batman reached around to the back of his utility belt. From there, he withdrew a small pistol and held it with its barrel pointed towards the plant.

"Give yourself up, or the plant gets it, Ivy," he said, cocking the gun.

"No! No, you monster! You can't!" she screamed.

"Give yourself up!"

The flytrap stopped moving, as if awaiting her orders. Slowly, with her hands up, she came out from around the plant.

Step Four: Do not relinquish the plant until she is safely in custody.

Swinging down from where Batman had told to him wait was Robin. He turned Ivy around, cuffed her hands behind her, and led her out of the greenhouse that she had been using as her hideout.

Materials Amended: One sidekick (your call).

Note: Guns are only, ONLY to be used in this purpose alone. Never are they to be applied to sentient beings. The gun will only appear in this chapter of the handbook and is not permitted to be used on any other villain.


End Notes: Okay, so that was cute, right? Now, as for chapter two, who would everyone like to be see handled? I'm open to suggestions. Also, I hope that this chapter did not offend any ecologists or whatnot. It was meant purely for fun. Be aware that this author would never intentionally shoot a plant.

Note on the Fight Between Batman and Poison Ivy: If the fight scenes seemed vaguely familiar, it's because I based off the scene in the ol' Super NES Batman the Animated Series game level where you fight her. Which was, in turn, from a few of the episodes of the series.