Disclaimer: So Meredith and Derek had 5 seconds of screen time together tonight. Needless to say, if I owned Grey's Anatomy that would not be the case. So therefore I don't own Grey's. Not that I didn't love tonight's episode, because I did, but a little Mer/Der never hurt anyone.

So this is it … my new fic. It's going to be . . .different. Not in a bad way different, at least I hope not in a bad way. It's obviously Meredith and Derek, because I don't write anything but Meredith and Derek. The big difference is how it's told. The whole entire thing is going to be a collection of letter, emails and IM conversations between them and other characters. That's how I'm telling this story.

Length? Undetermined. I'm going to keep writing this story till I feel like it's been told. Some of the chapters will be long, some will be really short, so it will be kind of all over the place.

This one will be updated often right now, for the next two weeks hopefully every night. Come 2 weeks I'm done school for the semester and with my 3 weeks off plan on starting another fic. So than it might be changed to every second night or something. We'll see.

Anyway. Hope you enjoy.


Dear Derek,

I love you.

But you're an idiot.

I know I said I was fine with your wonderfully brilliant plan to leave Seattle for a year. That I understood your need to take some time to give back to the world before we settled down and had children. I know I said that Doctors Without Borders would be a good thing to get involved with. I know I said that I support you one hundred percent. I know I made it sound like I don't care. But the thing is, I do.

I do care.

I didn't think I did.

You've now been gone for two weeks. And I'm falling apart, Derek. I didn't think I was that kind of girl, I don't want to be this kind of girl. I thought I could live without seeing you every day. But the thing is, I don't think I can. Because waking up in a bed that feels more than a little empty is killing me.

Can you come home?

I didn't write that last comment, I didn't. And I know this is a letter but I can't bring myself to go back and delete it, because well, I just can't. I'm sure you understand. The words just bubbled out of my fingers as I was typing and I don't have the willpower to highlight them and hit delete. And if those words annoy you, well just blame them on the insanity of your girlfriend. Because right now I'm definitely having one of my insanity moments. Just ask Joe. He's giving me those weird looks again, like he did when I was knitting.

And what may I ask you, is so strange about a girl on a laptop in a bar?

He says hi by the way. Joe.

Sorry for the rambling. How one can ramble in a letter I'm not sure, but I'm managing it. You're probably laughing as you read this. I just haven't been feeling like myself recently.

I think it's because I don't have you.

Well I have you, I just don't have you, it's complicated. But you know that.

Okay, I have a purpose behind my letter, I do.

Here's the thing. I love you. And I know I've said that before. Plenty of times. But I think now is the time to make it clear. I love you. You're it for me Derek Shepherd. It as in no one can come after you. No one came before you. I look at the couples who think they're so in love, and can't help feeling sorry for them. Because they don't know love. I l know love. Because I have you. And you're it.

I didn't mean to feel this way. When I picked you up in this bar. I thought I was going to be sleep with you and be done with you.

(Damn, I'm crying. In the middle of Joe's. I blame this on you as well. Since you've been gone I've been an emotional wreck.)

I didn't expect to be the one that was done.

And when we hit that, well nothing short of a train wreck, I thought that was it for us. I wanted it to be it for us. But I couldn't let it end. I couldn't let you walk away.

Now here we are a year later.

I'm in a bar pouring my heart out in a letter.

And you're in Africa, treating sick kids and making the world a better place.

So in short, I'm waiting for you. I know you asked if I would. And I'm not sure if my answer was clear amongst all the yelling and crying and throwing things. But I am, I'm waiting.

When you come back in 52 weeks, there will still be a place for you in my bed.

Don't worry about a place in my heart, it's with you in Africa.

See not only insane, ranting and emotional, also cheesy. I hate you, Derek, I really do. Thanks for doing this to me. I used to a cool girl, I used to sneer my lip at people like me. Thanks for ruining me. I hate you.

But I love you.

Yours ForeverMeredith

So far away, doesn't anyone stay in one place anymore . . .

So there it was, my first chapter.

I know a lot of you are probably scratching your heads right now. But a lot of the holes will be filled in later. So just go with it. It should be a fun ride. At least that's what my goal is.

This will be updated tomorrow for sure.

Please . . .

Read. Love. Review.