Ah, it's that time again: that's right, another chapter! Even though I expected to get a few more reviews than I did, I'd like to thank those of you that indeed found my story interesting. Now, here's the chapter where we actually get to the crossover material, so hike up your knickers, boys and girls, cause things are going to get messy!
Sarge: That is not the way the quote goes at all!
Just for that, you don't get to appear in this chapter.
Sarge: Aww fudgepumps.
Episode Two: This Picture is Wrong…
(Some unknown forest, some unknown planet)
The forest path was illuminated by a few beams of sunlight as a pair of people walked down its dirt filled length. The younger one, a girl with dark blue hair, a white wool cap and a shorter-than-regulation-allows miniskirt turned toward the older boy, a vest and jean wearing teenager with a standard baseball cap. "How much further do you think we have to go till the next town?"
"Before nightfall, I guess," he replied. "All I know is that this path will take us right to where ever we're supposed to be going."
The girl's mouth opened in a disappointed manner. "You don't even remember the name of the town?"
A small "pika" was heard next to the boy's head as a small yellow mouse-like creature gave off a look of embarrassment for the boy. He turned to the creature and replied, "Hey, I wasn't paying attention, alright? I was… distracted!"
The girl sighed and gave off a weak smile. "Forget it, Ash. Let's just get going; I'd really like to see what the Contest hall is like there!"
The boy, Ash, smiled at his traveling partner's enthusiasm. "Alright, we'll get there soon, granted that nothing unexpected happens on the way."
"Anything really. A trainer could challenge one of us to a battle, Team Rocket could appear to harass me like always or-"
A small pop occurred, and a knee high creature wearing some type of teal armor appeared in the path of the two traveling youngsters. They paused and stared at the newcomer with looks of both curiosity and confusion.
The girl took this moment to finish Ash's statement. "…or some type of weird, armored Pokémon could pop in out of nowhere right in our path?"
"Honk!" The little alien walked up to the girl and stared right into her big blue eyes. She then knelt down to get a closer look at him, to the dismay of Ash.
"Whoa, Hikari, be careful! We don't know what kind of Pokémon this is yet! And he looks kind of dangerous…"
"Dangerous?" responded Hikari. "Aww, he doesn't look that scary. He doesn't even look like he's that old anyway…" She pointed her index finger at the little alien, wiggling it and cooing at the same time.
TJ's hunger had grown since his last feeding and was just about to bite it clean off when a wail came out of the sky, followed by Tucker crashing into a heap right behind the two human children. The crash startled them both and they quickly went over to the crumpled soldier.
Ash questionably looked at the armored man, curious of where he came from and why he was dress the way he was. "Hey, are you okay?"
"Oh yeah, I'm cool." Tucker confirmed this boast by sitting up straight, looking right into the young teenager's eyes. "Wait a minute; who are you?"
Hikari grabbed Ash's shoulder before he could reply and whispered in his ear. "Hold it Ash. We don't know who this guy is, he could be dangerous!"
"And that Pokémon isn't?"
The girl merely huffed at his turn about response. Then the black haired boy gave her a serious look and a confirming nod before turning back to the teal soldier. "That depends. Who are YOU?"
"No way man, I asked first! You tell me who you guys are!"
"What do you think I am, stupid?" Ash thought over what he just said and knew just how Misty would respond to that. "Like 'Well, isn't it the truth?' perhaps." Pushing the though aside, he continued his statement by adding, "How do we know you're not a member of Team Rocket, or just some guy looking for trouble?"
Silence ensued right then and there for several uneasy seconds. "'Team Rocket'? What kind of retarded name is that?"
The Pokémon trainer was taken by surprise by Tucker's response. "Wait a second… you've, never heard of Team Rocket?"
"Was I suppose to? Sounds like a band of badly written super-villains from a cheap, Saturday morning cartoon show to me."
Ash felt a need to inquire even further. "Okay… just where the heck did you come from?"
"Blood Gulch, where else?" Tucker gave a small glance past the two youths and spotted TJ, just as he was about to take a bite at Hikari's… exposed undergarments. "Whoa there, TJ, settle down!"
The little teal alien gave a small "blargh" in response and stepped backwards. Hikari turned to see where it was poking around and immediately blushed with embarrassment, standing upright and pulling her skirt down as far as she could without ripping it.
"Didn't I tell you before; touching girl's butts in public is bad. Especially if they're that young, otherwise you end up in jail for ten to fifteen years. And don't expect me to bail you out when that happens."
Another wail pierced the forest ambience, followed by the sound of a distant splash. Everyone looked up and turned toward the general direction of the disturbance.
"Hey, that sounded like Church!"
"'Church?'" asked Ash. Instead of getting a response, he got a glance at Tucker running into the brush, TJ quick at his heels. The teen trainer motioned for Hikari to follow and both of them pursued the teal soldier through the forest edge.
A moment later, everyone had stopped by a small riverbank where a prone figure laid facedown in the muck. Tucker looked down and noticed that the armor did indeed match Church's colors. "Hey Church, fancy meeting you here! What the heck happened?"
Silence was all that was heard. Tucker knelt down and examined the armor more closely. "Church? What's wrong? Why the hell aren't you saying anything?"
"Because I'm standing right over here, moron!"
Tucker, Ash, Hikari, Pikachu and TJ looked right toward the opposite side of the river and toward the voice. Right behind an outcropping of rocks that reach up to his abdomen was a tall, not overly muscular, brown haired and blue eyed Caucasian male with a perturbed look on his face. Not only was Church wet from his recent dip in the river, but he wasn't happy by the fact that he had done so without any armor on.
The teal soldier looked at the man with a puzzled look; something wasn't adding up. "Uh, Church, is that you?"
"Of course it's me, idiot! How could you not recognize me?!"
Tucker thought for a minute before coming up with an answer. "Well, your body's over here, and it's a robot body, meaning you can't be over there, because all I'm seeing is a human body."
"…Tucker, I don't know what's going on, but I'm telling you this, right here, right now: I. AM. CHURCH. And who the hell are these kids?"
Ash was even more confused by this, and tried to see if he could get an answer out of the two. "So let me get this straight. This guy, Tucker, says your body is right down here. But you say you're right over there. Meaning if you're right there, then who's this right here?"
Pikachu took that as his cue to jump off Ash's shoulder and walk up to the cobalt figure in the mud. Using strength one could not imagine such a small creature to have, he lifted the chest of the armor upward to get a look at the front of the armor. At that point, the helmet detached from the rest of the body and fell on the ground.
And then a human skull fell from the hole on the bottom.
Everyone looked at the skull for a whole minute. And then Hikari broke the silence by screaming her lungs out.
Ash was the next to follow, and then Pikachu started to do so, then Tucker, and finally TJ (which was, in fact, more of a stretched out blargh). Church was the only one silent as everyone else screamed at the sight of the skull that was once Church's head. Of course, he could only take so much of it before he shouted:
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP?"
And that they did, and Church was pleased. Until Hikari screamed once more, the rest following.
"Ugh… why couldn't I just stay dead?"
(Another unknown forest, same unknown planet)
"Hello? Hello! Can anyone here me!"
Simmons was in a situation at the moment. One minute he was standing next the Sarge, being asked what was happening to the canyon (he WAS the unofficial science officier/cyborg of the team), the next he found himself in the middle of a forest surrounded by nothing be trees. That also meant there was no Sarge, no Grif (thank god) nor his sister in sight. Sighing by the fact that normal vocal tracking was failing, he switched on his person radio transmitter to see who he could contact.
"Well isn't this a familiar situation?" he thought. "Hello, Sarge! Can anyone here me? We must have gotten separated in the explosion somehow! I seem to be stuck in the middle of the forest, with no visible paths in or out! …either that or some zoo exhibit, hell I don't fucking know. Sarge? Sarge!"
"Forget it Simmons, the radios don't do shit here."
Simmons jumped up in fright at suddenly hearing the unexpected voice. He turned around and aimed his gun at the newcomer, only to find Grif and his sister standing there. "You guys! Where the hell were you?"
"Well, I dropped into a ditch a ways back, and Sis here somehow got stuck in a tree nearby. I had to spend all this time getting her down, because she was being a sissy."
"Hey! You know as well as I do that I'm afraid of heights!"
Grif turned to his sibling and said, "You drove a spaceship through space! And that's not even anywhere near solid ground!"
"Well, yeah, but that's because in space, you can't fall from anywhere, because there's no gravity!"
Before he could continue the argument, Simmons cut in by saying, "Wait, the ship! Where's the ship?"
"Oh, that's close by too. It's right over here, come on!"
As Sis went off into the woods, Grif and Simmons looked at each other and shrugged. A short while later, all three walked up to the ship that had brought her to Blood Gulch in the first place. And fortunately, it was still in a relatively upright position, meaning it was possible for it to fly again.
"Ah, the good old spaceship. I was wondering when we would be paying attention to it again."
Simmons walked up to the rear end of the vessel and took a quick look inside. "We better look it over before we even think about flying it. Then we can look for Sarge."
Grif's sister shuddered at that thought, knowing that he would be quite okay with just shooting her the minute they all meet again. Grif took note of that and spoke up. "Hey, Simmons, were you really going to let Sarge shoot my sister?"
"Uh…" the maroon soldier tried to come up with an explanation… and failed. "Let's get to work guys! This bird ain't going to pull herself back together!"
"…avoiding the subject, huh? You are such a wuss, Simmons!" The response Grif got then was a battle rifle being slammed into his helmet, knocking him down on his ass. "Son of a bitch!"
"Yeah, now get to work. That goes double for you, girly!"
"Sweet! I get to play with all the knobs again!"
"…on second thought; Grif, make sure your sister doesn't touch anything. And I mean anything."
Sis gave off a moan of disappointment while Grif watched her, making sure she didn't wander off, and Simmons toiled on fixing the ship. Even thought the environment they were in was different, everything seemed to be the same old, same old.
(Yet ANOTHER unknown forest, same unknown planet)
Medical Super Private First Class Frank "Doc" DuFresne was pleased. Very pleased. Even thought the sudden explosion of the canyon had frightened him, he was happy for the change in scenery. The cool and calm forest air was an improvement from the harsh arid climate that existed in Blood Gulch.
"Church! Come in Church! Can you hear me? I am speaking to you as loud as I can!"
On the downside, he was stuck with Caboose. Even though he wasn't a naturally violent person (a quote unquote "conscientious objector"), his experience with Caboose taught him that rudeness was often an affective way to either calm him down or to shut him up.
"Caboose, could you PLEASE quit it with that radio? Church isn't going to contact us; our radios don't work here."
"They don't?" chimed Caboose. He thought for a second, walked about five meters away from his previous position, and then tried again. Doc gave off a heavy sigh and continued to watch the forest environment, ignoring everything else in the meantime. This meant he was ill prepared for the sudden appearance of Donut from the sky.
With a mighty thump, the pink soldier crashed on top the medic and sent them tumbling onto the ground in a very humorous way. Caboose actually noticed this disturbance and turned to see what was up.
"Hey… it's Corporal Crossain'wich!"
"Oww," moaned Donut. Mentally, however, he noted the strange sense of déjà vu that had just occurred. "What happened?"
"You fell out of the sky like just like the big ship Church told me about!"
Donut got off of Doc and looked at the blue armored dummy. "Ship? What ship? There was a ship?"
"Ugh, you could have landed a little softer, mister."
Donut took a glance at the medic as he dusted himself off. Dust which reminded him of dirt. This reminded him of caves. Then the big underground area of Blood Gulch. And so on.
"Oh, guys, I was coming to warn you! I was underground, see, and there were these two weird guys working for someone named Wyoming, and they had this bomb, and were planning on blowing up the canyon, and then they started shooting at me and… I'm a little late to warn you guys, am I?"
"Only by a little bit, Major Cinnamon Bun," piped Caboose. "You wouldn't have had seen Church around, have you?"
"No, I just got here. Well, wherever here is." Doc walked in between the two and stood up straight, trying to look imposing. He wasn't doing a very good job at it, of course.
"Alright, as the highest ranking officer here, I'm calling the shots until we find the others."
"'Highest rank?' But you're a medic!"
"Not just any medic. I'm Medical Super Private, First Class!"
Donut chuckled at this sudden proclaimation. "Get out of here! That's not even a real rank!"
"Yes it is, I even have the request papers for it!" Doc opened his backpack compartment (that part of the suit in the back, duh) and removed a large stack of papers. "Just read Section 04, Paragraph 343, Section 7-19, Line 1."
And true to his words, lo and behold, Donut found a single line that read: "This document hereby proves that Medical Officer Frank DuFresne is given the rank of Medical Super Private First Class." And underneath that, in very tiny fine print that only a person with a microscope could see where the words "What the hell is wrong with this man? He's not even a licensed medic! He's such a douche bag… oh wait, I WASN'T suppose to type that?"
"Well I'll be, you're right!"
Doc quickly nodded before saying, "Alright, we should come up with a plan to find out where we are. Caboose, do you have any ideas?"
Caboose shook his head. "Oh, I'm not supposed to think; that is Church's job. He makes all the good plans, 'cause he can handle anything!"
(The FIRST unknown forest, same unknown planet)
Church was not happy. Once again, he found himself doing crap he did not want to have to deal with. He cursed Tucker under his breath for not even trying to help out, but no, he had to be the wuss he is. "I swear, it's like everyone I meet is nothing but a big lousy cockbite-"
"Hey Church, are you done yet?" The cobalt soldier groaned in frustration as he turned from his task and faced Tucker.
"You know, burying my decayed remains would go a LOT faster if you helped. Oh, and a shovel would be really freaking nice too!"
"No way, I'm not touching your moldy old bones! That's what you're here for!"
"If the world was working like it's supposed to, I wouldn't even be here right now! The fact that I'm even burying my own skeleton goes against all known laws of nature!"
"Yeah, good luck with that, but hurry it up. The girl is close to having a breakdown."
Church fumed and mentally cursed Tucker and his mother, then turned back to the small bone filled pit. TJ was there as well, and found it funny to wear Church's skull as a hat.
"YOU GOD DAMN LITTLE- PUT THAT DOWN!"
As the chase between man and alien began, Tucker hung out by the two children (and their larger than normal mouse creature) some ways away. Ash was currently reassuring the younger girl, whose expression of horror had still not melted away.
"Scary dead corpse is not pleasant, scary dead corpse is not pleasant, scary dead corpse is not pleasant…"
Tucker looked at her, then back to Ash before asking, "Hey, kid, is she going to be okay?"
"Hopefully… frankly, this is the first time I've seen something like that and I'm having trouble dealing with it."
"Are you kidding? You've never seen a skeleton before; don't you guys have Halloween around here?"
Ash turned on the teal soldier almost immediately. "Halloween decorations are a bit different from actual human remains!"
"Well, don't they have them on display in school? Like for science class?"
"I haven't gone to school for the past three years."
"No fooling? What are you like, thirteen? Awesome, you beat the system!"
Ash wasn't sure what the older man was talking about, but he pushed it aside and continued to calm down Hikari. In the background, TJ bit down on Church's hand, letting lose quite a bit of colorful language.
"So," Tucker asked, "what planet are we on?"
"What?" The black haired boy was puzzled at the question. "What kind of question is that?"
"It's a valid one!"
"…you're on Earth. Where else would we be?"
"Earth? No way, this can't be Earth! I'm from Earth!"
The younger trainer, now calmed down after her sudden fright fest (and yet still careful not to glance over at where Church and TJ fought over the skull of the former), took this opportunity to inquire as well. "You're not making any sense. This is Earth; we've been here our whole lives."
"And I say you're wrong. Earth is way more advance than this place. Plus, I don't remember Earth being so colorful and not… lame."
Ash and Hikari were stumped then and there. They looked at each other in confusion, Church kicking TJ into the river just outside their field of vision. Tucker just continued to stare at the two kids, while he his other thoughts occupied with weird fantasies involving the new chick in yellow armor.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute." Ash waved Tucker off for just a moment. "I'm not sure I get you. This place is Earth, and it's always been the way it is now. What you keep saying just isn't very good common sense."
A loud stomping noise was heard, signaling Tucker to turn and spot Church doing said action, having finally covered up the remains that occupied his armor only minutes before. "Alright, the corpse is gone, Tucker. The girl doesn't have anything to be scared of anymore. And, as usual, I had to do all the work."
"Yeah, whatever." The disregard for the labor brought a well of rage upon Church's body. "Say, can you tell this kid that he's wrong? He keeps saying this place is Earth."
"I'm not wrong!" shouted Ash.
"Whoa whoa, time out. Did you say this place is Earth?"
A sigh escaped Hikari's lips while she leaned toward Ash and spoke into his ear. "These guys aren't very good listeners, are they?" Ash merely shrugged, while Pikachu gave off a small and amusing "chu" in response.
"Just let me get this straight. You said this place was Earth; has it always been called Earth?"
A pair of frustrated groans escaped the pair as they responded in unison. "YES! That's what we said!"
Church took a moment to ponder, pausing only for a moment to remove TJ from gnawing on his leg. A few more moments passed before he finally began putting the pieces together.
"Tucker," the former responded, turning to his teal companion. "Remember back on Sidewinder when the bomb went off, and we got sent into the future?"
"Well, most of us went into the future. You went into the past-"
"That's irrelevant. Anyway, the bomb exploded and we went into the future, right?" Tucker nodded in response. "As far as we know, another bomb was what caused the explosion back at Blood Gulch. Which mean the same kind of thing happened, except…"
"Except we didn't just blow a hole through outer space or time; we blew a freaking hole into another whole god damn universe!"
A silence washed over the group of six people (actually, four people, a giant yellow mouse and an alien baby). Church just kept on waiting for someone to break the silence with some sort of response. And so he waited. And waited. …and waited.
"…that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, Church."
"And I suppose you have a better explanation for what happened?"
"…" Tucker tried to think of one such way, but alas, he failed. "Yeah, I guess you got me there."
"Alright, I had it!" shouted Hikari. She put her hands on her hips and stepped right up to the two adults. "I don't know who you people are, but ever since you came you've been nothing but nonsense! And I'm not leaving until you explain to me what the heck it going on!"
"Whoa, calm down there! You can't expect us just to-"
"Tucker, shut it." Church then turned to Hikari and asked, "Okay kid, you want the long version or the short?"
"Whichever version answers my questions the best," the young trainer replied.
"Right, long version it is then."
"Is this going to take long?" asked Ash. "We're already behind on getting to the next town."
"Ash, be quiet while I get answers."
Sighing in defeat, Ash simply said, "Alright… we'll just rest here for now."
"Man, she's younger than you and still has you whipped! WhpPSSHHh!"
"TUCKER! SHUT UP!"
"You too, TJ!"
Next Episode: Knowing the Locals
A/N: At this time, I am also looking for people (one or more) to help beta-read this story as a way to find and correct mistakes that I somehow missed the first time. If you wish to assist me, email me with a link to your profile so that I may take a look at your own written works, so that I can judge whether or not you'd make a good beta-reader.