Willow receeded into the cushions of the couch with Kleenexes stuffed up her nose, eyes puffy from the sobfest she'd been celebrating ever since she'd arrived at Buffy's Rome apartment fresh from her spectacular breakup with Kennedy.
"It's over, Buffy. That relationship has sunk." Willow removed the Kleenex from her nostrils. Buffy was no doubt relieved that she was finally getting those things out of her nose, but no, Willow just blew her nose and replaced the rolled up tissue. She was certainly a disgusting, puffy, red, mucousy sight to behold.
"Usually when I see something as nasty looking as you look now, I slay it."
"Sorry, Will. Just trying to lighten the mood. Replacement Xander, except with better fashion sense. Here. Let me clean you up a bit." Buffy gently dabbed at Willow's eyes, cheeks, and mouth, cleaning away the various blotches of unmentionable slime from her face with a wad of Kleenex. She even pulled the gooey Kleenex rolls from Willow's nose and tossed them away. After spending eight years getting covered in various demon oozes, what's a little snot between friends?
"Really, thanks," said Willow. "I'm so glad you're here to take care of me after my enormous, colossal, amazing, fantastic, glorious, gigantic, gargantuan, immense, awe inspiring, flaming wreck of breakup fight."
"It couldn't have been as bad as that."
"See this melted blob of plastic?" which Willow conveniently retrieved from her purse - it was a twisted, grapefruit sized chunk of black plastic slag. "It used to be our TV. And the worst part is that it was a thermoset."
"Poor TV. What's a thermoset?"
Willow ignored her. "I give her a great year, no, the best year of my life, with love, devotion, plenty of fancy gifts in a beautiful paradise, all I got was a broken heart and a splotchy looking tan. Damn freckles. DAMN YOU FRECKLES!!!" Willow was about to magically zap her freckles away but Buffy stopped her. "Yeah, thanks Buff. That would have probably hurt quite a bit. Umm... I have rage issues."
"No problem. As long as you leave my TV intact. And speaking of TV, you watch," Buffy gave her the remote to her new plasma set, "and I'll go and get us some ice cream. Chocolate fudge with chocolate chips and we'll pour chocolate syrup on it. Then we can go shopping and buy wider pants."
"Thanks. How'd I ever get a friend like you?"
Buffy paused a bit. "I think I saved your life. Not really sure though. I can't remember that far back. Now stay put. They have great ice cream in this country. It's not just about pizza and sucking at wars, you know. I'll be back in a jiff." With that, Buffy kissed Willow on the forehead (the only place on her body without mucous) and left for the store.
Willow watched her friend's cute behind as she walked out the door. Buffy was always so nice to her. In many ways, Buffy was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Then it dawned on her. She was in love with Buffy. And it wasn't just because she cared for her so much, but also, that ass set her groin on fire. From this moment on, Willow resolved herself to a mission. A mission to get into Buffy's pants.
And heterosexuality be damned.