About six years ago I endured a visit from Nantukos, the evil muse of limerick poetry. She took over my life for several days and forced me to summarize an episode of Due South in twenty-two limericks, even though I had never written limericks (or any other form of poetry) before. It was a horrible experience, and when I finished the "Epic Limerick from Heck" I swore I'd never limerick again.

What can I say? She's ba-a-a-a-ck! I'm resisting as hard as I can, but I spent an hour at the office this morning trying to come up with rhymes for "Nasty Sauce."

This is a work in progress. I don't know if I will be able to finish it, although I won't have much choice as long as Nantukos stays stuck in my head. I never expected to have this many limericks done in less than a day!


It's painfully obvious to see
that this episode's not owned by me.
I'll borrow it briefly
for poetry, chiefly
then return it to Butch gratefully.

The Ultimate Limerick

by: Bluemoonalto

While Valerie checked out the tower
at Amity's last peaceful hour,
Dark Dan interrupted—
defenses corrupted!—
"Hey, girlfriend! Check out my new power!"

Observants observed it with scorn:
but non-intervention they'd sworn.
"Unforgivable crime,"
said the Master of Time,
"'twas better he never was born!"

Cue Credits: A lad of fourteen
inspected his parents' machine.
inside he was trapped,
his DNA zapped,
and now he can fly, phase unseen.

Said Lancer, "Please make no mistake,
C.A.T's the worst test you will take.
"Ignore it? Your loss!
Ivy League? Nasty Sauce?
It's only your future at stake!"

Jazz saw that her brother was stuck,
the sample test gave him no luck.
She shared her trump card:
"Number one: study hard;
number two: do your best; and three: DUCK!"

Clockwork brought in a little ghost lass,
"You'll help me resolve this morass.
We'll give him one chance;
you just show him your dance.
There's a much harder test he must pass!"

"The Box Ghost and Lunch Lady? Ew!
That's an image I'll never undo.
I've a strategy that'll
award me this battle,
using highly explosive au jus."

The restaurant barely survived,
but Danny's good fortunes revived.
For the answer key packet
was stuck to his back—it
seemed his rosy future'd arrived.

The observants said, "Clockwork, you blew it!"
Tucker said, "Sam, we can't let him do it!"
Sam replied with aplomb,
"I am not Danny's mom.
It's his choice. He has to work through it."

There followed a timely intrusion
by a ghostly/mechanical fusion.
Danny said with despair,
"What? This just isn't fair!
Are all of my foes in collusion?"

Tuck hacked in with his PDA
And sent Skulk/Tech flying away.
Danny followed him skyward,
And then fell, or so I heard:
I guess flagpoles just don't work that way.


If anybody knows how to exorcise an evil muse, please let me know!