by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own EVA or it's characters or anything else that these parody's might suggest.


Chapter 3
Double Feature (and a half)

It was a typical day at NERV.

Shinji still hadn't woken up from his happy coma and the NERV crew were continuing to watch what dreams he was having, thanks to Ritsuko's 'dream reading' machine.

"I'm gonna kill that boy!" Misato growled as she paced angrily around the command center. "I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him..." she said and turned towards Ritsuko and Maya. "YOU BETTER NOT BE RECORDING THAT!!!!"

"Oh, come now, Misato. We all agreed that we would record all of it for posterity." Ritsuko grinned.

"IT'S MY POSTERITY THAT WAS UP ON THAT SCREEN!" she screamed. "Leather bikini outfits, whips and chains! 'Bondage Queen Misato' indeed!" she growled.

Yeah. Who knew Shinji was normal. "At least you were covered." the blond doctor said.

"BARELY!" he screamed. "That imitation of me had Triple-E Breasts! NO WOMAN WOULD BE ABLE TO STAND UP WITH THOSE!!!!" she huffed like mad. "What the hell was Shinji-kun thinking? I mean they looked like inflated Air Bags!"

And yet she still calls him 'Shinji-kun'. Ritsuko thought. "And you didn't think it was fun to see you whipping all the men like they were dogs?"

"Yes. I didn't know the commander could scream like that." Shigeru said.

"Good thing he's not here now, or he'd have made us erase it." Maya said.

"I'd let her do it to me." Makoto said in a dreamy tone, which earned him pity-stares from Shigeru and Maya.

"And Shinji acting like an obedient little dog under Asuka's leather clad boot was interesting." Ritsuko said, looking at the redhead.

"OH YOU WOULD THINK SO!" Misato shouted at the blond.

"So it was Mistress Misato and Bondage-Queen-In-Training Asuka." Kaji smirked.

"At least Kaji got to see the sexy ME!" Asuka beamed.

Which is another reason to avoid you like the plague! Kaji thought as he tried to non-noticeably move away from the girl, remembering her whipping scenes.

Suddenly, the screen came alive again.

"What's it gonna be this time?" Ritsuko wondered as she stared at the screen.

((Oh my dear, sweet Asuka.)) Shinji said on the screen.

"WHAT?" Asuka gasped as she heard her name.

((I've wanted to hold you close for so long, to tell you how I really feel... and now I can.)) the boy whispered to the girl.

((Oh, Shinji!)) the girl replied softly.

"SHINJI???!!!?!!!!!!" the real Asuka gasped.

On the screen everyone noticed that Shinji looked just a little different than before.

He was dressed in a white, long-sleeved buttoned up shirt, the sleeves rolled up, a loose red tie hanging around his neck and khaki pants. But it was his head that caught everyone's attention. For one thing, his hair was long enough to warrant a ponytail, and he had some stubble on his chin.

To everyone present, he looked like a teenage Kaji.

Which earned the man a lot of glares from everyone present.

On screen Shinji was cradling a certain red-haired teenager in his arms as they both sat on the floor of what looked like Misato's office. Asuka herself was wearing her yellow sundress, her left strap having fallen off her shoulder. Shinji was dressed in his normal white shirt and black slacks.

((Shinji... I'm scared.)) the girl said.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'SCARED'? I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING!!!" the real life redhead shouted.

((Don't be Asuka. I promised that I would never leave you alone.)) Shinji said.

On the screen, sounds of gunfire and thunderous stompings of boots were heard coming from outside the office.

((Shinji! They're here!)) Asuka said, burying herself in his chest.

((Don't worry, Asuka-chan! I won't let them hurt you again.)) Shinji replied as he held her tighter.

"Again?" the real Asuka gasped.

On the screen, Shinji held Asuka tighter as the girl buried herself into the boys chest, crying tears of sadness and fear.

((I'm right here, Asuka-chan.)) Shinji said as he stroked the girl's hair soothingly. ((You don't have to be scared of them anymore.))

((I'm not scared of them, Shinji-kun. I'm... I'm scared of...))

"OF WHAT? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE SCARED OF???!!!!!" Asuka shouted to her on-screen counterpart.

((What are you scared of Asuka-chan?)) Shinji asked.

((Of never finding love.)) Asuka answered.

"..." Asuka said, just staring at the screen.

Misato waved a hand in front of her face, but got no response.

((I've pushed everyone away from me... with my arrogance and ego... my pride and... my wanting to be the best pilot and all. And out of everyone... you remained. Why?))

((Because I love you, Asuka-chan.))

Real-world Asuka gasped.

((But how, Shinji? I hurt you the worst. Always belittling you, cutting you down, humiliating you in public. But... you were the only one who stayed with me. Helped and protected me, even when I didn't want it. I........ I don't deserve you.)) she cried as tears fell down her cheeks.

Shinji wiped the tears away as he leaned in and pressed his lips tenderly to Asuka's.

Everyone in the real-world just watched as the kiss, a rather long and uninterrupted kiss, eventually faded to black.

(Sniff, sniff!)

"Maya?" Ritsuko gasped, noticing the small crying scene her tech was having.

"I'm sorry, sempai! That was... that was just so beautiful!" the female bridge bunny cried happy tears. I wish someone would do that for me!

Where did she get the tissues? Misato wondered. And why is Makoto using them too?

"Wow. I didn't know Shinji had it in him to be such a romantic." Ritsuko said.

"Yeah. Though he was dressed like me when he did that to Asuka." Kaji said.

"Kinda makes sense."


"OH KAJI!" Asuka cried out, clutching onto Kaji's arm tightly.

"Oh for crying out..." the unshaven man shouted as he tried to peel himself away from the girl.

"She just completely missed the whole 'Shinji'-part didn't she?" Misato asked.

"Guess so." Ritsuko groaned.


While Shinji continued to broadcast several more 'movies', Dr Akagi had been called to Gendo's office.

"Akagi!" the grim commander shouted.

"Yes, sir?" the blond doctor asked, fearful of the reason she was called.

"I want you to wake him up."


"I want you to wake the Third Child up from this ridiculous slumber."

"Uh... we've tried, sir. He hasn't woken up yet." she protested.

"I said, 'Wake Him Up'! I don't care how. Just do it!"

"What would you suggest?"

"Electric shock for all I care. Just do it!"

The blond sighed and then turned to walk out. "Yes, sir."


"You can't do this, Ritz!" Misato said as Ritsuko started doing her work.

"I don't want to, Misato, but I have my orders." Ritsuko sighed heavily.

"If he dies, Ritz..." she warned.

"I know."

"Ready to administer electric shock, Dr Akagi." the nervous Maya said from her console.

The rest of the NERV crew was present, including Rei, Asuka and Kaji. Many of them looking rather apprehensive about this whole thing.

".......begin." Ritsuko said.

ZAP! The electrical current went through Shinji's body, causing his body to jump.

However, nothing happened.

"Again." Ritsuko said.



"Again!" she repeated.


Again, nothing happened. Shinji didn't wake up, though his heartbeat was slightly wavering.

"Sir! This isn't working!" Ritsuko said to the Commander, putting a hand on Maya's shoulder to stop the young tech. And Maya was nearly to the point of tears as it were.

"I want him woken up and this insanity stopped!" Gendo growled.

"If we push any harder it could damage Shinji." she argued.

"Then remove him from the Eva. We will figure out what to do with him then." he said as he headed back to his office.

"Yes, sir." she grimaced.


It was an hour later when Ritsuko called to Gendo's office.

(Uh... commander?) The blond scientist said.

"Have you removed the Third Child from Unit 01?" Gendo asked, not looking at the monitor that was connected to his office.


"Why not?" he asked, now looking at the monitor.

(It's not letting us.)

"What?" Gendo asked, clearly upset by this news.

(The Eva. It's not letting us eject Shinji from the entry plug.)

"Can you override?"

(We've tried that from the commander center. Still nothing.)

"What about manual release?"


"Can we cut him out of the Eva with a laser torch and..."

(No.) She interrupted.

"What?" he asked, upset at being cut off.

(The Eva's life support systems are tied to Shinji. The second we tried cutting the hatch, Shinji's life signs started to drop. Our only conclusion is that because Shinji's synch ratio with Unit 01 is so high right now, any attempt to physically remove Shinji will be like... surgically removing an arm or leg from a person. Too much damage, and Shinji would go into shock and possibly die.) She explained.

While Gendo didn't really seem to have a big problem with that, there was the logical part of his brain that was telling him it would be a bad idea. Shinji was virtually the only one who could pilot Unit 01, and if he died, Yui would be pissed.

"So what you're say is... there is nothing we can do." Gendo grumbled.


Damn It! "Recommendations?" he asked.

(I'll continue to work on the problem. But right now, I suggest we just... go with the flow on this one.)

SIGH! "Is that your professional opinion?"

(Yes, sir.)

"..........Understood." he said with a hiss, shutting off the monitor.


"Well, The Commander's not happy." Ritsuko said as soon as she cut transmissions with Gendo.

"Yeah, I figured as much." Misato said. "Still, I'm glad that's over."

"Me too."

"Sempai! We're receiving communication from Unit 01." Maya said.

"So, what have we got now?" Ritsuko asked.

"Well..." Maya started to say, as the main monitor came alive.


On the screen there were five people standing around an unfamiliar, high-tech laboratory doing various jobs. They could see Shinji sitting over at a desk writing in a notebook. Ritsuko was over to the side staring into a microscope. Maya was sitting next to her typing on a computer. Kaji could be seen over to the side of the group talking on a cellphone. And Misato was over on the far side of the room reassembling a large gun.

((My name is Shinji Tatapopolus, and I'm an evolutionary biologist. These people are my teammates of N.E.R.V.- Neo-Evolutionary Life Research Volunteer team. Dr Ritsuko Akagi, the worlds most renowned scientist who was never taken seriously because of how young and attractive she is.))

Real-world Ritsuko blushed.

((Her assistant is Maya Ibuki, a brilliant but somewhat meek computer specialist. The guy in the corner is Ryoji Kaji, our CIA liaison. A nice enough guy, but sometimes I wonder if he isn't after something more on our team. Rounding out this team is Misato Katsuragi, a former military captain and friend of my mothers. She and Kaji apparently have a history that she isn't really proud of.))

"Keeping things in perspective, I see." Misato said.

"So... I'm a spy, is that it?" Kaji asked, nervous at the accusation.

"Not a very good one if you let Shinji know." Ritsuko said.

"Maybe by letting him know, I'm actually putting up a smokescreen to distract from my real mission on this team."

"But letting him know, he will be suspicious anyway."

"But not about what I could be doing."

On-screen, a large six-foot creature walked into the lab. The creature looked like a large mutant lizard of some kind, slightly larger than a Raptor, but with a more Tyrannosaur-like appearance. It's most distinguishing features were the small red spikes on it's back that went along it's spine and it's crystal blue eyes. It walked over to Shinji and bumped his arm.

((Asuka, what are you doing up this early?)) Movie-Shinji asked.

"WHAT?!!! I'M A MUTANT LIZARD?" the real-world Asuka gasped.

"Ohhhhhh, I think I know where this is going." Misato said.

"Me too." Ritsuko said.

((You're mother will be very upset when she finds you gone.)) Movie-Shinji said, stroking the spines on the mutant lizards head gently as it purred.

Just then a large lizard, the size of a three-story building, reared it's massive head and bellowed loudly, causing the window panes to shake. It also caused the smaller lizard to flinch and screech back. The larger lizard looked more distinguished, but the obvious difference was the blue spikes along it's back and it's piercing red eyes.

((Look's like Rei's up.)) Movie-Misato said.

"I am a giant lizard?" Real-Rei asked in monotone.

"And apparently Asuka's mother as well." Real-Misato laughed.

Asuka just growled at the pair.

"I am Pilot Sohryu's mother?" Rei asked, cutely tilting her head to the side as if in thought.

"SHUT UP, WONDER GIRL!" Asuka shouted.

"That is no way to speak to your mother." the blue-haired girl said calmly to her.

"YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" the redhead shouted.

Misato and Ritsuko just looked at each other, smirking at how good Rei seemed to be at teasing the redhead.

"If you continue to shout, I will ground you until you learn to behave yourself." Rei said.

"WHY YOU..."

"Shut Up, Asuka!" Misato snapped as she grabbed Asuka before she could attack Rei.

"And Sit Down!" Ritsuko added, helping to restrain the redhead.

Asuka just growled, fumed, and sat down.

Just then, the on-screen emergency alarm sounded as the group looked out towards the city.

((It's a monster attack!)) Movie-Maya gasped.

((Then let's get to it, people!)) Movie-Shinji shouted.

The group, followed closely by Little Godzilla-Asuka, raced from their lab to their specialized hydrofoil-yacht and took off from their warehouse/lab/base through the river-side entrance. Godzilla-Rei roared and took off after them, swimming all the way.

((There It Is!)) Kaji shouted as the boat pulled up to the city docks.

The giant monster, actually looking like a pinkish version of Sachiel, the Third Angel, was attacking the city of Tokyo, coming right out of the bay like it did on the day Shinji first arrived.

"Is that..." Misato started to ask.

"The Third Angel. Yes." Ritsuko said, drinking her soda.

"It looks ugly." Misato said, popping another mini-candy into her mouth.

"It's pink, what do you expect?" the blond replied.

On-screen, Godzilla-Rei exploded out of the ocean and attacked the pink Sachiel from behind, hitting it with a powerful bolt of red fire into it's back.

"I can breath fire?" Real-Rei asked.

"Sure. Godzilla could always breath atomic fire from his mouth." Misato said.

"He could?"

"Didn't you ever watch any Godzilla movies, Rei?"

"I have no television." she replied.

"Well.... we'll have to get you one, then."

"Why? I am currently watching Shinji-kun's movies."

"Never mind."

Turning back to the monitor, the NERV crew watched as Godzilla-Rei grappled with the pink Sachiel and knocked it into a building.

((Do we have any data, Ritz-chan?)) Movie-Shinji asked as the team raced from the boat onto the dock.

((Not yet.)) Movie-Ritsuko said. ((It appears to be an unknown species.))

((It's biological make-up is almost alien!)) Maya said as she ran her scan through the computer she was wearing on her body. A miniature keyboard was strapped to her left arm as her right hand, complete with a laser-pointer, fingered the keys. She had a backpack that housed her hard drive and was equipped with a wireless-access antenna, a visor that wrapped around her face and acted like a holographic monitor, and a solar panel that provided additional power to the ergonomic-computer.

"Wow! I'm like... wearing that computer!" Real-Maya said, drooling a little at the high-tech device her movie-counterpart was wearing.

"Down girl! It's just a movie." Misato said with a grin.

Back on screen, Movie-Misato had taken out a large cannon and was shooting at the pink Sachiel while Godzilla-Rei was slapping it with her tail.

((It's got to have a weak-spot somewhere!)) Misato shouted.

((Keep shooting! Maybe you'll get lucky!)) Shinji said.

LG-Asuka shrieked as her mother battled the giant monster. Without any warning, she rushed toward the monster while Shinji yelled at her.


But LG-Asuka was already out of earshot as she leapt onto Sachiel's leg and bit down into it. Sachiel screeched and shook his leg violently, trying to shake her off. Godzilla-Rei saw her daughter on the monsters leg and lunged at the creature, knocking it back out to the bay and into the water.

((Well, that's a big help.)) Kaji said as the monsters continued to fight it out.

And what was more, LG-Asuka was still attached to Sachiel's leg.

((We have to get Asuka out of there!)) Shinji shouted.

((But how? We can't get close to them at all!))

((There might be a way.)) Shinji said as he pointed to a pair of large cargo-cranes that were anchored to the concrete docks.

((Shinji-kun! Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?)) Misato asked.

((If what you're thinking is using the cranes tie up the monster so that Rei and Asuka can destroy it, then yes!))

((I Love How You Think!))

Shinji and Misato raced towards the large cargo-cranes and quickly climbed up the ladders and into the cabs. Switching them on the pair started moving them closer to where Godzilla-Rei and Sachiel were fighting it out. Sachiel backhanded Rei, knocking her down as Shinji and Misato made their move. Hitting the switches and thrusting the controls forward, the large cargo-cranes lashed out towards the monstrous Sachiel. Misato's crane grabbed one of Sachiel's arms, while Shinji's crane knocked him in the head. Sachiel tugged hard on the crane around his arm, practically pulling it out from it's moorings, the crane leaning at a 45-degree angle now.

((MISATO!)) Shinji shouted.

((Damn It! Need Some Help Here!)) Misato groaned as she pulled harder on the cran controls.

Shinji's crane came back around and lashed onto Sachiel's other arm, holding it tight as Rei recovered and moved to attack Sachiel.

It was in the middle of this fight that Asuka leaped over to help her mother, snapping at the larger mutant lizards ear. Rei looked down and fired a concentrated blast directly into Sachiel's chest, heating and exploding the red sphere in it's center.

Sachiel shrieked and died as the NERV team arrived to survey the remains of the monster.

((ARGH! Did she have to kill the freaking thing?!)) Ritsuko groaned.

((What did you expect her to do? Keep it as a pet?)) Kaji asked.

((Well, no. But it makes it easier to study if the thing is alive!))

((Ritsuko, I would love to see you try and give one of these things an examination while they were still alive and kicking.)) Kaji grinned.

Shinji and Misato came down from the cranes and headed over to their friends.

((Good thinking, Shinji-kun.)) the woman smiled.

((I had a good teacher, Misato-sempai.)) the young man replied.

((Yeah, well, in this line of work, you have to be a doer, not just a sit-down scientist.))

((MISATO-KUN!)) Maya shouted as she raced over and threw herself at the purple-haired woman.

((OMPH! Easy, Maya-chan! I'm fine, really.))

((I was just so worried! When that monster started pulling your crane out of it's moorings...)) she said as the crane Misato had been in suddenly started creaking. The metal suddenly twisted and broke free, causing the crane to come down and crash into the ocean.

((Whoa.)) Misato said simply.

((THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU!!)) Maya shouted.

((But it wasn't Maya-chan. So stop worrying.))

((How can I not worry?! Every time you go off and do something incredibly reckless like that, I'm the one who holds her breath wondering if you're going to come back alive or not!)) she cried, tears in her eyes now.

((Maya-chan... what are you saying?)) Misato asked, a fearful expression on her face.

((I Can't Do This Anymore, Misa-kun. I.... I want to break up.)) she cried.

There was a silent pause before Misato spoke up.

((Please, Maya-chan. Don't Give Up On Our Love!)) Misato said suddenly.

"Oh...." Real-Misato gasped.

"My..." Real-Maya gasped.

"...God!" Real-Ritsuko laughed.

((Misato, I....)) Movie-Maya started to say.

((Maya, please! This is the first relationship I've been in that didn't start as a drunken one-night stand and ended up with a text-message saying 'thanks for the good time'. I.... I don't want to lose what we have.)) Movie-Misato begged.

Maya and Misato looked at each other for several minutes before Maya broke down and cried. Misato moved in and wrapped her arms around the computer tech.

Their real-world counterparts were just as stunned, barely able to look at each other. Though Maya was sneaking the occasional look at Misato.

((Then don't you ever do anything so foolish or reckless again!)) Maya cried into Misato's arms.

((I can't promise you that, Maya-chan. The only thing I can promise, is that I will do everything I can to make it back to you.)) Misato said, gently brushing her hair with her free hand.

((I suppose that will have to do, then, Misa-kun.)) she said with a small smile.

((I'm surprised you're not mad at Shinji for pulling me into that stunt.)) Misato said.

((Why should I be? You were the one who taught him to act like that.))

The pair looked at each other before they leaned in and kissed each other on the lips.

Back in the real world, Kaji and the male staff were cheering the kiss on, Maya had shrieked and fallen over in embarrassment. Misato was the first one to her side.

"Oh Maya-chan! Don't Give Up On Our Love!!!" Ritsuko laughed.

"Don't mock the poor girl, Ritsuko!" Misato said, trying to revive the fainted techie.

"I was mocking YOU, Misato-kun!" the blond laughed.

On-screen, Shinji was standing between LG-Asuka and G-Rei, with Kaji and Ritsuko standing next to them, all sighing happily with starry-eyed expressions.

((That really is disgusting.)) Movie-Kaji said.

((You're just saying that because you drove Misato and Maya together.)) Movie-Ritsuko said.

((It wasn't intentional!))

((But still true!))

((Is that why you won't sleep with me either?)) he asked.

((Maybe. I mean... how bad can you be in bed to make a woman go total lesbian?)) Ritsuko asked with a condescending smirk.

((Are you willing to find out?)) he said with a challenging grin.

"WHAT?!" Real-Ritsuko gasped.

"Oh, here we go again." Real-Kaji groaned.


An hour later when Maya had recovered, and still blushing at the lesbian-theme that had been in Shinji's last movie, the screen came alive, but had an image of an older Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu standing on a large dock looking out at a tramp steamer pulling off into the sunset, while a group of dinosaurs stood around them.

((A year ago, if someone had told me that I'd be standing on the New York docks with a beautiful women in my arms and a dinosaur for a pet, I'd have laughed in their faces. The year is 1931. The place... well, it started in Tokyo, Japan. My name is Shinji Ikari, a play and screen writer by trade. I was hired by a rather reckless film maker named Gendo Rokubungi to write a dynamite movie script for him. Problem was, his financial backers at NERV Studios were trying to shut down his film because of his excessive spending.)) Shinji said, seeming to be narrating the scene.

The scene changed to a boat on the open seas where the grim-looking commander was staring out across the ocean with a pair of binoculars.

((Not hard to believe that Gendo, being the man he was, fled the country with his film crew before they could stop him, in the attempt to finish his picture. He shanghaied a small but skilled crew to finish it. There was Shigeru the sound specialist. Maya the camera woman. Fuyutsuki was Gendo's right hand man.))

The trio looked at the screen as their names were mentioned. Shigeru looked like he was wearing a mechanical backpack with a microphone on the end of a long pole that he was carrying. Maya was hoisting around a tripod and camera with a big lense case. It looked heavy but she was lifting it easily. And Fuyutsuki was carrying a thick stack of papers in a file and a clipboard.

((And then, of course, me, writing the script while we were at sea. But of course, what movie isn't complete without a leading man and lady. Those roles were filled by a guy named Ryoji Kaji, a guy I took to be more face than talent.))

Kaji looked hurt as he saw his on-screen counterpart waving a black comb in front of his lip while staring in the mirror, as if he was trying to see how he'd look with a mustache.

((The role of the leading lady was filled by a newcomer to the business. I'd heard she had worked the stage, but not the screen. Her name... Asuka Langley Sohryu.))

"Huh? I'm an actress?" the redhead gasped as she saw herself on the screen. A little older, same age as Misato, and more well defined, wearing a full-length dress the same color as the sundress she wore on the 'Over the Rainbow' cruiser.

((With our skilled but irregular crew assembled for our rather suspicious film shoot, we discovered that our mode of travel was even more questionable.))

The scene shifted to a large tramp steamer boat. It was rusted and looked like it had seen a lot of action over the years. From both rough seas and other boats.

((Nice, isn't it? Actually, the only thing really nice about this barge, is it's captain.))

The scene changed to show one Misato Katsuragi, dressed in a black leather skirt, boots, black shirt, a large trench coat, and captains hat on her head. Her silver cross dangling from her neck.

((This is Captain Misato Katsuragi. Easy on the eyes, hard on the attitude.))

"WHAT?" the purple-haired woman gasped.

((I wasn't sure what to make of her at first. Mercenary, pirate, drunkard. She seems like a rather straightforward person, definitely steers the boat better when she's drunk))

"Again with the 'Drunken Misato', Shinji-kun?" she groaned in disbelief.

((Her crew certainly looks like they were picked up from the local dives. Except for this one guy who looks like he's actually read a book. First Mate Makoto Hyuga.))

"I'm the first mate? Cool!" the glasses wearing man cried as he noticed his counterpart was wearing glasses and a black trench coat like Misato.

((We spent nearly three weeks at sea trying to get to this place that Gendo swore existed. An island he said was called Geofront. I'd never heard of it. Sounded made-up.))

The scene images changed to show the crew doing various things, like shooting their movie, some scenes with Kaji and Asuka. There was one with Asuka hoofing it, like she was teaching the crew how to dance. Maya and Shigeru were arguing over how to repair their equipment. Misato spending most of her time staring through a pair of binoculars at the open ocean. Like she was looking for the same something that Gendo was. And then there was Shinji, typing away on his typewriter and grinning at the same time.

((It was during the trip that I came to realize that Asuka was in love with me.))

"WHAT?" the real-life redhead gasped.

((Apparently she was a fan of my writing style, especially my stage plays, as she worked the stage before being signed on to do this movie.))

"I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!" Asuka shouted.

"It's Shinji's movie, so there's little you can do." Misato said smugly.

((At any rate, we made it to the island, nearly running aground of the rocky reef due to the thick fog. While Misato and her crew tried to fix the boat, we went ashore, finding the ruins of a thought-to-have-been-extinct civilization.))

The scene showed a large, deserted village carved out of stone with fish heads on wooden spears and wrapped in some kind of rope. There was a large stone wall surrounding the village, probably more than a hundred feet high, and facing the rest of the island which seemed to be teeming with jungle vegetation.

((We thought we had found the last blank spot on the map. What we found... was death.))

The scene shifted showing one of the crew men getting pierced through the chest by a spear from a rather filthy looking and scantily dressed islander.

((If not for Misato and her armed crew, we probably would have all met the same fate.))

The scene changed to show Misato and her armed crew using machine guns and rifles to drive off the hundreds of natives that had tried to kill all of them.

((However, trying to leave that cursed island, met with one major problem.))

The image shifted showing the islanders sneaking aboard the ship, kidnapping Asuka and dragging her off ship and into the water where the other islanders pulled them back via attached rope.

((It wasn't until they were on shore that Asuka was able to let loose a fierce scream for help that we noticed she was gone. Quickly mounting a rescue, we realized that we weren't quick enough for what had happened. At first we thought that the islanders were going to sacrifice her. And we were right, only to find out it was a sacrifice to a giant animal they worshiped like a god.))

The scene showed Asuka tied to a pair of pillars on a large stone perch. Off in the distance, the trees rustled and the brush pushed back to reveal a giant creature of sorts lumbering out of the darkness and fog, becoming visible only in the dim light of the lit torches.

It was then that everyone, especially the on-screen Asuka, could see it.

It was...

"PEN-PEN?" Misato gasped as the giant 30-foot penguin lumbered out of the jungle.

"Don't you mean.. King PenPen?" Ritsuko asked as the screen showed Asuka getting picked up by the giant, 30-foot penguin and then carried off into the jungles.

"Wow. You're penguins quick, isn't he Captain." Makoto said.

"You should see him run up to you when he thinks you've got food." Misato smirked.

((What we didn't know at the time was that PenPen, as the islanders called him, was the last of a race of prehistoric penguins that lived at the time of the dinosaurs. We realized this when we encountered the rest of the bizarre creatures, the dinosaurs, of this island.))

The scene shifted to show the numerous other dinosaurs that inhabited the island. Most of them were gentle plant-eaters, like a herd of lumbering brontosauruses and a pack of ostrich-like galamymus.

(AN: Think the creatures from Jurassic Park)

But these gentle-giants suddenly became a monstrous stampede when a pack of velociraptors came out of nowhere and attacked them, causing them to panic and run, leading to the crew running for their lives, and some getting stepped on.

It was during this running-with-the-dinosaurs that Shinji grabbed Maya and Shigeru and hoisted them up onto the backs of two of the galamymus's. At least, Shinji tried to get Shigeru up, one of the brontosaurus's lowered it's head and scooped up the sound technician right on it's head, lifting him up to avoid the snapping jaws of one of the raptors.

"Oh brother! Saved by an extinct species of hamburger!" Real-Shigeru groaned.

But what was really odd to everyone, was 'old-man' Fuyutsuki sprinting like a marathon runner faster than one of the raptors.

"Wonderful. If the raptors don't get me, I'll die of heart attack." Real-Fuyutsuki groaned with an amused smirk.

But also, Shinji seemed to have been saved by a giant four-footed lizard with a spiked beak and feathers around it's head, which had been caught in the path of the stampeding dino's and had Shinji jump onto him after he had tossed Maya onto the back of the galamymus.

(AN: Think the lizard-like Boga that Obi-Wan Kenobi rode in SW3: Revenge of the Sith)

((Leading the 15-man crew to rescue Asuka was something I had never done before. I had never been a leader, and seemed to have developed a unique talent for tracking and such. Odd, considering that this prehistoric penguin was more agile than he seemed, considering his bulk.)) Movie-Shinji said as the screen showed the crew having evaded the dinosaurs and back on the trail of the giant penguin. ((Little did we know just what PenPen had in store for Asuka.))

The scene changed as it showed PenPen taking Asuka to his large cave, putting her on a ledge and then using his large razor-sharp claws to strip off her already torn dress.


"Actually, it's worse." Misato grinned.

"Why?" Asuka asked, wondering why the woman was grinning.

"Because it looks like.... yup. He wants you to be his housekeeper." she said, suddenly bursting out laughing.

On the screen, King PenPen had put Asuka in a maid's outfit, shoved a broom and dustpan into her hand and was now making her sweep up his large cave.

"His definition of 'bride' is incredibly shallow, isn't it?" Ritsuko asked.

"Yeah." Misato grinned. Which is bad, considering Asuka never cleans the apartment.

"This.... is meant to be a comedy, isn't it?" Maya asked.

"It is now." Shigeru replied.

"He turned me into a dress-up doll!" Asuka whined.

((By the time we located PenPen's cave, it was nightfall, and the only thing we had going for us was a pack of dinosaurs helping us out.)) Shinji narrated.

The scene showed Shigeru sitting atop the large brontosaurus's head, with the rest riding on the backs of the galamymus's and Shinji riding the iguana-like creature.

"Great! We've gone from a movie-making-crew to The Beast Riders!" Real-Shigeru said.

"Really." Real-Makoto said.

"But... realistically, you couldn't domesticate dinosaurs so easily."

"And how would you know that?" Real-Maya asked.

"Because it's obvious!" Real-Shigeru said.

"First of all, dinosaurs don't exist in this day and age so there's no way to prove that little theory. Second, this is Shinji's movie, so he can pretty much do whatever he wants. And three... something's happening!" Real-Makoto said, pointing to the screen.

((We were about to go in and rescue her, when something bad happened.)) Movie-Shinji narrated.

The scene showed Gendo trying to get closer with the camera, only to knock over a large trash can, sending a large amount of dust sprawling all over the floor. PenPen was awake in an instant and squawking at Gendo.

((Before anyone could do anything, PenPen had snatched up Gendo, ripping his clothes off, and put him in a butler's outfit before ordering him to sweep up the mess he had made.))

The scene then depicted Gendo sweeping up furiously the mess he had made, while PenPen had everyone sit around a large fire serving up cupcakes to them.

This naturally had the real-world NERV crew giggling and rolling on the floor. The Commander, however, wasn't laughing so much.

((Eventually, Gendo got so fed up with the servant treatment, that he impulsively took his camera and hurled it at PenPen, knocking him in the head, rendering him unconscious.)) Shinji narrated as Director-Gendo did just that. ((With the beast unconscious, and the camera and film ruined, Gendo had only one recourse: take PenPen and the dinosaurs back home with us and put them on display.))

The scene shifted, a small captioning saying 'Six Months' later, and the group was in New York City in a large theater-house where PenPen, trussed up in chains, was sitting on stage. Off to the side, Gendo was taking pictures with Kaji and Fuyutsuki next to him, beaming off the publicity that he was getting from capturing the giant prehistoric penguin.

At first, nothing really interesting happened, until during the big production number when one of the dancers, dressed up like a large fish, tap-danced across the stage. PenPen became immediately hungry and broke free of his chains.

People screamed and panicked as PenPen broke free and started running amok.

((Realizing that something had to be done, Shigeru, Maya, Fuyutsuki, Asuka, and myself, quickly changed our outfits and called out mounts!)) Shinji narrated.

The NERV crew watched as Shinji and his companions stripped off their formal evening wear, now suddenly wearing cowboy outfits!

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous!" Misato groaned as On-Screen Shinji whistled sharply.

Within seconds, a brontosaurus, three galamymus and the quadrupedal-lizard suddenly came around the corner of the large theater and stopped in front of the group. Shinji mounted the lizard, Maya, Fuyutsuki and Asuka mounted the galamymus, and Shigeru rode on top of the brontosaurus. In a second they were all off after the giant penguin.

"I can't watch this anymore." Misato groaned.

"Oh, look, there you are!" Ritsuko suddenly said.

"WHAT?" the woman gasped, seeing herself exploding through the bustling crowd on a motorcycle. She was dressed in a black leather jacket, black pants, boots, and had a 'biker's hat' on her head.

"It's Biker Misato to the rescue!" Ritsuko cheered/mocked.

"You look like Marlon Brando from 'The Wild One'." Fuyutsuki commented.

"Who from what?" Misato asked.

"Never mind." Fuyutsuki said, feeling very old right then.

On-screen, the group of Beast Riders quickly chased down the amazingly fast penguin as it looked around furiously for some fish to eat. It attacked a fish delivery truck and started eating.

((Quick as PenPen was distracted, we surrounded him and threw out our lasso's, grabbing him around his head, flippers, feet and tail. Needless to say, he didn't stop eating.)) Shinji narrated.

"Yeah, kinda figured." Real Misato replied to that comment.

((Within a few minutes we had PenPen all tied up and ready for transport back to the island. Gendo was arrested for the trouble he caused. After which he started doing prison movies, which made him more money than action/romance/drama pictures. The rest of us were allowed to keep our dino's, as they caused less trouble than PenPen. Misato was able to transport the 30-foot penguin back to the island, but instead the thing kept following her around like a pet. It didn't help that Misato kept feeding him all that fish to keep him happy. As for Asuka and myself, we got married a short time later, and ended up leaving New York after a few years. Asuka liked the work she got, but in the end it was too much trouble, especially with all the growing Anti-German issues the Nazis were stirring up in Europe. We eventually returned to the Geofront Island, where we spent the rest of our lives in peaceful obscurity while the world pretty much destroyed itself. Oddly enough, Misato, Fuyutsuki, Maya, Shigeru, and Misato's crew came with us. It was odd to think of us as a family, but... that's what we were, and we liked it.)) Shinji narrated as the monitor slowly faded to black.

"Oh my god. That's so sad." Maya cried.

"What are you talking about? In the original King Kong movie, the ape died!" Shigeru said.

"Yeah, Maya! It had an amazingly happy ending." Misato said.

"But they were talking about World War II and all the people dying." Maya said.

"Yeah, but that was to be expected. Especially since the original King Kong movie was shot back in the 1930's and all." Ritsuko said. "That's where Shinji started all this."

"Yeah. Which... kinda makes you wonder where Shinji got such detailed information, and what he's gonna show us later on." Kaji said.

"Something I'm sure we've never see before." Fuyutsuki said.


Author's Notes:

Hope everyone enjoyed this little story. It's been a while since I updated it, and for that I'm sorry. It's been a while since I had time to go back and revisit this.

I've taken several suggestions and I hope to have them out as soon as possible.

This chapter is mostly Shinji/Asuka centric.

Next on Shinji Theater: Gendo Puts On A Dress!



An hour later, the screen came alive again.

((Welcome, Shinji.)) Gendo declared at the boy.

((What the hell, old man? First you abandon me for ten years then your bearded ass sends for me to come because you need me. And when I get here you send a lead-footed lingerie model to pick me up, then I meet your swimming instructor who likes to talk about demons, and now you want me to pilot this giant robot you built that I've never seen against something that can withstand a nuclear blast? Are you out of your freaking mind?)) Shinji shouted back.

((Hardly. You will pilot it. And for your information, that lingerie model and swimming instructor are my director of operations and chief scientist.))

Shinji looked back at the pair.

((Jeez, pop! What kind of pervert have you become?)) Shinji asked his father.

((What?)) Gendo asked.

((I mean, do you only hire sexy young women to work for you, or do you just give them their jobs to keep up morale?))

"Excuse me?" Real-Misato and Ritsuko gasped.

((Excuse me?)) Movie-Misato and Ritsuko gasped.

((Not that I'm complaining about the eye-candy you've got going on here, but I'll bet you've even got a couple cute computer techs sitting around in nice tight uniforms and skirts, not to mention a female pilot or two in tight spandex outfits.))

"Boy, is he nailing this." Ritsuko commented.

((I mean, come on! The blond looks like she's going to the beach and the other one looks like she's about to hit the dance club.))

Said women were wide-eyed and blushing.

((Honestly, where did you get the demon-obsessed-swimming-instructor and the stunt-driving-lingerie-model?)) Shinji asked.

"Demon obsessed swimming instructor?" Ritsuko gasped.

"Stunt driving lingerie model?" Misato coughed.

"Sexy young women?" Maya asked.

"Eye-candy?" Rei asked.

"Morale booster?" Shigeru asked.

"Tight spandex outfits?" Asuka gasped.

Cute computer tech? Maya blushed. But I don't wear a skirt.

"Going to the beach? Really! I just got out of the LCL tanks!" Ritsuko grumbled.

"That was a brand new dress!" Misato stated. "Not that I couldn't go club hopping in it, but what the hell was that about?"

"Most likely it was Shinji's subconscious after-thoughts on the situation. Sort of like, what he really thinks of everything that he's seen and heard, and what he 'could' have said regarding it." Ritsuko theorized.

"So... that was the side of Shinji that was more... what? Bolder? Adult?"

"Yeah." Ritsuko answered.

"Well, why didn't you just say that!"

"I thought I just did."

"Well, it's nice to know what Shinji really thinks about us."

"Probably what he wanted to say to us, but you know Shinji."

"We do now." Kaji said.