A/N I'm a Marauder junkie these days. I mainly focus on Remus Lupin, but I'm also interested with Sirius Black's character... so here we go... Rolling out a very light fun fic for the times. For other Marauder stories see my profile.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If given the chance however i would own Remus Lupin or Sirius Black. I don't but if you gave me the chance... smiles dreamily...
FRANKLY MY DEAR I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
Sirius Black tried as hard as he could not to laugh… because if he laughed she was going to kill him and he knew it. She knew it. The entire Gryffindor common room knew it.
He let out a stifle of laughter.
It was dubbed the one hit wonder. Too rightly. Who knew someone so petite and pretty could punch someone so bloody hard?!
And thus, Sirius Black gave up girls.
James laughed for ten minutes without stopping, tears streaming down his face clutching his sides so they wouldn't rip.
Remus snorted and muttered, 'That'll be the day.'
Peter looked at him in awe and asked, 'So, I can have Kate Henderson now…?'
Sirius knew it was a long shot… Knew it would be difficult… but he had to do it.
He needed a break from his high profile career.
Too bad he was a sucker for temptation.
Lydia Johnson had never kissed a boy, never held hands with a boy, never given the eye to eye with a boy, and had never 'gone out' with a boy…
She was the local cat lady. Sans blown up sewing machine sweaters and the extra hundred pounds. She knew given the chance she could probably get any guy in the school… With her sparkling smile, platinum blonde hair and soft amber eyes…
But she didn't want just ANY guy… She wanted the 'Perfect guy'
She knew the time would come when the perfect guy would present himself and things would slide into place and she'd do all the things her peers had been doing for so long.
It was just a matter of time.
Too bad there was no such thing as the 'Perfect guy.'
Chapter One – I can't get no, satisfaction
Lydia Johnson was boredly staring out the window of the second storey of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, ready to kill someone.
Potions. God's freaking gift to humanity. The only damn subject she had no natural or learnt talent for.
She was so uninterested in the subject in fact she even dared not to listen to the Professor… Something she wouldn't dream of doing in any other class. Not even Professor Binns' History of magic class.
She brushed a strand of platinum blonde hair behind her ear and shot her best friend Lilly Evans a smile. Lilly smiled back before rolling her eyes at James Potter who was now causing chaos… as usual.
But Lydia didn't care about James Potter… or any other boy for that matter….
The reason precisely, things were in dire straights.
It had all started weeks before hand. There had been girls giggling, teachers grimacing and prospective boys looking utterly nervous…
"What in Merlin's name is going on?" Lydia exclaimed dropping her Transfiguration books onto a desk with frightening force. She'd nearly been knocked down twice by two different groups of giggling fourth years and suffice to say; she'd had enough.
"Do you ever read the notice boards?" Lilly asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No." She said shortly not in the mood for a lecture.
"Well if you did, then you'd know there's a Christmas ball coming up-."
Lydia didn't hear the rest of the sentence, all she knew was that there was going to be a ball and that there were going to be males at said ball.
Oh bloody hell.
What was she going to do? The perfect guy still hadn't come along and she had five weeks and counting to find him or else face going to the ball by herself and risking complete and utter social suicide.
Not that she really cared what other people thought of her… she was always going to be the pretty nerd that sat in the library at all hours of the day studying hard for the exam coming up or handing in assignments a month before they were due…
But it would be nice to finally dip a toe in the romance pond. And who better to do it with than Prince Charming?
She'd imagined Prince Charming many times… He had blonde hair, blue eyes and was the perfect gentlemen. He opened doors and pulled out chairs and his dress robes would be in perfect condition… his perfect hair brushed over to silky perfection.
He had a dazzling smile, was completely honest and genuine and bought her chocolates and flowers.
She sighed dreamily at the thought.
"You're about to receive the information for your half yearly NEWT projects." Slughorn announced cheerfully slapping his fat belly, "A slip of paper will have instructions and your partner's name on it so please accept them when they appear in front of you."
Lydia blinked as a scroll of parchment addressed to her soared off Slughorn's desk and landed on her own. She picked it up and unraveled it hoping that by some chance she'd be landed with Lilly.
No such luck.
"Who the heck is Sirius Black?" She asked confused.
Lilly raised an eyebrow and said in a matter of fact tone, "The Sirius Black? You don't know who Sirius Black is?"
"Of course! I simply want to put you through this grueling boring conversation for kicks…" Lilly looked at her with an eyebrow raised, "No Lilly I don't know who Sirius Black is." She said trying to emphasize every ounce of sarcasm for all it was worth.
Lilly sighed and pointed to a dark haired boy who was leaning back in his chair boredly, flicking his fringe out of his eyes and scanning the class, his parchment unraveled on his desk.
"God how can you not know him?" Lilly asked with a snigger.
"I try to associate myself with fewer people as possible." Lydia sighed.
"Apparently." Lilly said unraveling her own parchment and reading it with a look of great disdain, "Wonderful, I've scored myself Potter. What is this a dating service?"
Lydia looked over at Sirius Black once more. She'd never really paid any attention to him before. But as she looked around the classroom she realized she was probably alone in that department. Nearly every girl in the classroom had their eyes glued to him. She couldn't see why. His hair wasn't brushed back to perfection… he wasn't neat and proper… he didn't look like the perfect gentlemen.
His top three buttons were undone and his tie was loosened considerably, his hair was dark brown and while not disastrously styled it was certainly messier than it should have been. He looked like he hadn't picked up a razor in days and stubble was starting to accumulate around his jaw. As if to accentuate this scruffy look he stretched back in his chair and the hem of his school shirt was tugged messily from his pants.
She glanced back up at his face and had to admit that when he laughed he was at the very least mildly attractive, he really did have a dazzling smile, but there was no honest genuine element to it, it was a smile that almost screamed 'CHEEKY MISCHIEVIOUS FLIRT...' His eyes seemed to behold a sparkle that only confirmed what his smile already said.
Sirius Black was not the perfect guy.
And Lydia sank back into her chair still wondering if she'd ever find him.
Sirius played with the edges of his parchment boredly trying to locate Lydia Johnson… Why did he not know a Lydia Johnson?
Maybe she was a real book worm. That was usually the only explanation as to why he hadn't met a girl… He knew most girls better than the school broom cupboards and more often than not he knew them better INSIDE those broom cupboards.
But he wasn't wasting time thinking about that… because he was a changed man… he wanted nothing more to do with girls…
For the time being.
"Who is Lydia Johnson?" He asked Remus.
Yawning (and looking very pale) Remus Lupin pointed to a blonde girl seated next to Lilly Evans.
How could a girl like that, possibly be a book worm?
His question was answered rather hastily when she walked over to his desk and sat down.
"Hi I'm Sir-."
"Lydia, Johnson. And no you cannot call me Lid or Liddie or any other foul name. It's Lydia and it always has been. Between now and the time we hand this project in we will remain WORK partners. You will not seduce me. I do not think you are even remotely attractive and I am not interested. You can be in charge of practical tasks and I will cover the theory work. You do not need to talk to me outside these potions lessons. And further more if you and your blood brother James Potter so much as even put a whoopee cushion on my chair I will jinx you from here to kingdom come. Any questions?"
Sirius blinked. Obviously she was a book worm because she alienated other people and had a security field the size of Mount Everest on every side of her.
"One." He said with a grin.
"What?" She said already exasperated.
"What the hell is a whoopee cushion?"
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