Disclaimer/Notes: (evil laughter) Finally some more Trigun stuff! I have a few malformed ideas working themselves out, but this is the story on the forefront of my mind. I'm trying to write a Knives chapter for Masquerade, but...yeah. This story is utter insanity. I've never written Legato before, either... Well, I also need to write him in an...umm...serious situation at some point, too. Forgive the OOCness and the utter insanity.

Millions Knives did not play chess with Legato Bluesummers, and his reason was quite simple, and logical, overall. The one game Knives had played with the blue-haired telepath had been their first and last.

He supposed it had been out of his own weakness that he'd played Bluesummers in the first place.


Sometimes it was hard to shake them. Memories of himself and a young Vash on the SEEDs ship, memories once shared but never to be shared again. Despite everything, sometimes that bothered him. In his Eden, something like that would never happen. In the Eden he would one day create, brothers would not harm each other.

Entertained with those livening thoughts, he called his minion in, a surefire way to rid himself of those memories.

"Yes, Master?" Bluesummers bowed his head.

Knives supposed it was out of reverence, but it always annoyed him. Legato was like a timid puppy at times, so unwilling to make eye contact. It was infuriating.

"Play with me, Bluesummers."

"Ah...Master?" Legato's eyes widened almost comically. At least...Knives assumed that the other one was wide, too. "What do you mean?"

Knives sighed. Wasn't this guy supposed to be telepathic?

"Chess. I'd like you to play chess with me," You insignificant harebrained excuse for a spider, you timid dolt, you. He finished that last part mentally.

His minion made no reaction.

Yep, it was safe to assume he probably wasn't listening in on Knives' private musings.

"Yes, Master." Legato sat down with characteristic slowness. The board was already set in front of him. Legato telekinetically moved the board so Knives' color was white. "Your move," Legato inclined his head respectfully.

Knives snorted. "You think I need an advantage? That's an affront to my intelligence, spider."

Legato, unfazed, simply nodded. His hands were folded in his lap, his head down. The board spun toward him and a single white pawn moved forward as if of its own volition. Knives frowned and moved his own piece forward. Bluesummers seemed dead set against even touching Knives' possessions. It was satisfying that this particular minion understood his superiority, but it was also strangely annoying.

Legato made another move, silent, brooding...thoughtful. A piercing yellow eye peered impassively from the mess of hair drifting over his face, examining the board with a razor-sharp intelligence.

Knives examined his opponent's strategy and made another move.

A few moves later, he realized that he'd not paid enough attention to Legato's previous movements. The unassuming telepath had pinned Knives' queen down. He couldn't slip out of the way without putting his king in check. Bluesummers seemed to expect some retribution, or at least the capture of his piece that threatened his master's. When Knives did nothing, Legato actually seemed surprised.

"Ah...Master," he said, grabbing the downcast Plant's attention. Apparently he thought that Knives wasn't looking, because he quickly manipulated Knives' king so that it was no longer in danger.

"Yes, Legato?"

"Nothing, Master," Legato made a rather useless move. He inclined his head once more to indicate that it was Knives' turn. "You play a good game," Legato said softly.

The blue-haired man continued to make bad judgement in his gameplay, where before his movements had been very strategically planned. Knives couldn't help the creeping feeling that...

That...Legato was going easy on him. "Are you distracted, Bluesummers?" he said through delicately clenched teeth.

"Of course not," Legato spoke, his voice as smooth as milk.

Damn, he was just going to make that knight jump around in circles forever, wasn't he?

Knives tried to glue his mental faculties solely to the purpose of strategy.

How could this spider be going easy on him and still beating him?

Legato continued to evade the final blow to Knives' ego, and slid his pieces drunkenly around on the board.

"Ah," Legato finally said. "Good job."

"What?" Knives growled. What could it possibly be now?

"It's checkmate," replied his minion. "Excellent work."

Somehow Knives wasn't satisfied. "Yeah, yeah. Go away now."

Legato bowed meekly out of the room.

Knives slumped down in the chair, glaring at the closed door. He tried to console himself with the fact that he had been slightly distracted and had thus not been at his best, but it didn't help. He'd been manipulated into winning by that ingratiating puppy of a man.

...And that was why Millions Knives did not play chess with Legato Bluesummers.

Author's Notes: I've never written a crack fic before, but I suppose this qualifies? I was just thinking how funny it would be if Legato was better at chess than Knives. He seems to be very calculating. And if he was better, how would he react? I figure he wouldn't allow himself to win and insult his master...sooooo...yeah. This is the product of my insane mind. If your brains haven't melted from your ears yet in utter horror, I'd love reviews! Please?