A/N: This whole idea amused me rather. I tried to get everybody in, and if I missed anybody please let me know, okay?
This was inspired from the line in the KakaIru essay I read: "that on the Kakashi and Iruka cell phone strap I own, the packaging in English reads 'there is a secret everyone in Konoha knows but Naruto' followed by an image of Iruka blushing."
Oh! And if any of these little snippets give you any ideas, feel more that free to pursue them. Just give me a link so I can see it too!
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. Sorry guys!
Warnings: KakaIru and IruKaka, some children that were scared for life, lots of laughing Jounin, and some just plain silliness.
Summary: "There is a secret everyone in Konoha knows but Naruto…" KakaIru One-Shot Silliness.How (Almost) Everyone Found Out
Tsunade found out because she was the Hokage, and Iruka didn't feel it was right to keep secrets from her.
Besides that, it was a bit obvious when Iruka demanded to see Kakashi immediately after he got back injured from a mission. He was so adamant about it that Tsunade had let him, and Iruka had immediately launched himself in to a tirade to the groggy Jounin about taking stupid risks to get back in time for special anniversaries when Iruka would rather have him late and safe.
It didn't take much for her to fill in the blanks, much to Kakashi's tired amusement and Iruka horror. After that, he decided it shouldn't really be a secret from the Hokage anyway and informed her that he and Kakashi had been seeing each other for a year exactly that day.
Tsunade thought that was cute, but decided not to say so, and if she was surprised that the son of her friend Sakumo was with a man she didn't show it.
Jiraiya found out because Kakashi told him. Kakashi actually sent him a letter and asked him to please not write any more scenes with brunette sensei doing naughty things because they were a little to close to right and he really didn't want to think that other people were getting pleasure reading about his lover (or someone very close to him).
Well, Jiraiya had just HAD to know after that, and Kakashi had willingly told him. Jiraiya agreed in exchange for information how to handle a ramen-deprived Naruto. Iruka's solution had been lots and lots of duct tape.
Shizune found out when she suggested assigning them on a mission together and Tsunade laughed at her. Shizune had been mildly put out by this, until Tsunade had playfully reminded her about the unspoken Konoha rule that you don't put lovers on missions together because that's just asking for trouble.
The Kunoichi had spent the next few days mourning because she'd had a crush on Iruka since she had gotten back to Konoha. It didn't seem fair that he was not only gay, but also taken already.
Kurenai found out because she asked Shizune what was wrong. Knowing that Kurenai had always been good for lending needed sympathy; Shizune had sobbed the whole story out to her crimson-eyed friend.
Kurenai, being the responsible Jounin she was, always affirmed the validity of the rumors she heard. Perhaps peering in Iruka's bedroom window one night hadn't been the best way to do it, but there was no denying after that.
Asuma found out because he was a good almost-but-not-really-boyfriend, and he noticed when Kurenai started blushing and avoiding both Kakashi and Iruka whenever she could. Deciding he should find out whether or not he needed to kick their butts, Asuma confronted her on it. Kurenai muttered, very fast, something about taking a late night stroll and hearing something coming from Iruka's apartment and catching sight of swimming dolphins.
That just confused him, so Asuma decided to take a nighttime walk past Iruka's apartment to see what happened. He was no longer confused after that.
Guy found out when he went to challenge his rival to a race around Konoha at sunrise. When he couldn't find Kakashi in his bed, he decided to search for him since he knew he wasn't out on a mission. When he found him in Iruka's bed in a rather telling state of undress, and found himself kicked out of the apartment because nobody was allowed to see Kakashi like that but the occupant of said apartment, it was a kind of telling sign.
Genma found out because Guy landed on him when he was thrown out. He got to listen to Iruka yell at the Green Spandexed man for interrupting something very important. Genma was intrigued, particularly when he saw what Iruka was not wearing when he twisted his head. Which was anything.
Genma sensed a story behind this, and it wasn't hard to get Guy to tell him once he was out from under him. Konoha's number one Taijutsu expert was only too willing to mournfully tell his tale on exactly what it is that he'd walked in on and how his rival was, apparently, VERY much in the springtime of his youth.
Raidou found out because, naturally, whatever Genma knew he told Raidou.
Anko found out because Iruka never could keep secrets from her. She knew even before he did when he started to develop a crush, and H. K. + U. I. could only stand for so many people in the village. Once she figured out that there was only one name it possibly could be, she gave Iruka back his clipboard.
Ebisu found out because he went to get an update on Konohamaru's schoolwork one lunchtime, and heard Iruka talking to someone else. Being the polite man he was, he waited out in hall and listened. First he registered who was talking, and then he realized exactly what Kakashi was saying. It was nothing but sweet nonsense, like what a love struck teenager might say to his girlfriend. Ebisu peeked in while Iruka was speaking, finding the chuunin-sensei busy erasing the black board and Kakashi sitting on one of the desks- enjoying the view. His suspicions were confirmed when the Copy-nin placed a bento on Iruka's desk before lifting up the teacher's hitai-ate to place a cloth covered good-bye kiss on his forehead.
Iruka's blush was just cute enough to make Ebisu wonder what would happen if Naruto would use THAT in his Harem Jutsu and promptly knocked himself unconscious.
Tsume Inuzuka found out because she saw them shopping together. Kakashi kept saying that whole milk was better because there was nothing taken out of it so it was more natural and putting a galleon of it in their trolley; Iruka kept taking out that galleon and replacing it with a galleon of skim milk and saying that was better because it had all the bad stuff taken out because not everything you put in your mouth is good for you. It didn't take much of an imagination to decide exactly why they were sharing milk.
Ibiki found out when Kakashi barged in to his building and demanded that he release Iruka right now. Mizuki had been supposed to go up for his hearing for release the next day, but had been killed. Given their history, Ibiki had to bring Iruka in for questioning. When Kakashi offered a full proof alibi with more detail then the torture specialist ever wanted to know, Ibiki had let the chuunin go.
Choza Akimichi found out because he WAS their alibi. He'd seen them at the restaurant that night, Kakashi calmly reassuring Iruka that everything would be fine and feeding him pieces of unagi. He thought it was great that they had found love like that, and had been more than willing to provide the alibi. Even if Kakashi had taken Iruka home before the time Mizuki had died.
Hana Inuzuka found out because Iruka smelt like Kakashi. He was wearing one of Kakashi's shirts and smelt like his shampoo. It would be possible, she supposed, for one or the other to be coincidence but certainly not both.
Hiashi Hyuuga found out quite by accident. He was walking through the academy to meet with Hanabi's teacher, Iruka-sensei, when he saw the door of one of the janitor's closet wiggling. He reached for the handle and found it was locked from the outside. The handle stopped jiggling, but Hiashi thought it might be a good idea to check what it was before he opened it. He activated his byakkugan and stared for several long moments. Realizing he had found Iruka-sensei, and that the teacher had obviously forgotten their appointment, he quickly turned and left.
Shikaku and Yoshino Nara found out when Yoshino showed up at a bar to drag Shikaku home. Shikaku and Kakashi had been drinking, both bemoaning being whipped by their lovers (Kakashi had never told Shikaku who). Iruka showed up at the same time as Yoshino, and Shikaku had assumed he was going to drink. Instead, Iruka had simply marched up, grabbed Kakashi by the back of the vest, and yanked him off his stool- muttering the whole time about idiot Jounin getting wasted on their birthdays while Kakashi simple kept saying "Yes 'Ru". Yoshino was so surprised that she nearly took a drink of Shikaku's sake.
Yugao Uzuki found out because Kakashi asked her what to do when you screwed up really badly and you wanted to say I'm sorry without it sounding like 'I'm only sorry because I want to get in to bed with you' but didn't say 'I'm sorry and I'll never do it again' either because he was sure he would. Yugao didn't quite understand the point of saying I'm sorry at all if that were the case, but she did her best to help him anyway.
Yamato found out because he was the one that suggest to Kakashi that the things he kept doing- like deliberately forgetting his mission reports until Iruka would be there, getting distracted from everything INCLUDING Icha Icha by the mere mention of the chuunin- were implying a crush. Kakashi was annoyed by that implication, but Yamato just laughed.
Shibi Aburame said the bugs told him, and that's all he would ever say about that.
Aoba Yamashiro found out from his usual way of running in to a room and spouting his mouth of without thinking. He'd been sent to go get Kakashi by the Hokage, and was told he was at the hot springs. Aoba ran in to tell Kakashi the Hokage wanted him without checking- as he usually did- and the promptly ran out again when Iruka kindly informed him he was going to find new and painful uses for a rubber duck if Aoba did not leave right this minute.
Inoichi Yamanaka found out through accidental use of his Mind Body Switch Technique. He was practicing it and switched with one of Iruka's students. The boy had been peering in the window, and Inoichi decided to watch whatever the boy was watching. Which happened to be Iruka and Kakashi whispering together behind the academy, standing far too close for casual male acquaintances.
Kotetsu found out because he worked with Iruka sometimes. When Iruka started sighing during the slow points, Kotetsu found himself glancing over at him. When he found the little doodles of masked faces with hearts around them, he couldn't help but laugh. Iruka has smacked him, and chased him, but Kotetsu got that piece of paper in the end.
Izumo found out because a laughing and out of breath Kotetsu shoved a doodle in to his hands and said Iruka drew it. When Iruka blushed and stammered that it wasn't what it looked like, that that wasn't REALLY a masked face with hearts around it but just looked like one, Izumo knew their friend was in love.
And, given the limited number of masked ninja around, he only needed on guess to figure out with whom.
Suzume-sensei found out because one of her students asked what she thought of Iruka-sensei's boyfriend, because her mommy thought Iruka-sensei was setting a bad example for his students. Suzume-sensei had found it her solemn duty to inform Iruka his girlfriend must look very masculine indeed, and Iruka had mildly told her that was because his boyfriend was in fact male and he thought he was very handsome.
Tonbo Tobitake found out because he was helping Ibiki the day Kakashi stormed in and demanded he be released. Tonbo had been sent to set Iruka free, and he'd informed him that Kakashi had come for him. Iruka, though shaken from his interrogation, had simply smiled and said he'd pay for anything Kakashi had broken. Tonbo had been left stunned.
Iwashi Tatami found out because he had access to all the security camera in Konoha. There was not a safe place to hide from his watchful eye, and even if there way Kakashi and Iruka weren't trying very hard.
Tenten found out because she decided to sneak in and use the Academy Teacher Only restricted training area. She had been peering over the fence to make sure the coast was clear when she saw them. Kakashi and Iruka had been sparring, and they were sweaty now. She ducked down, waiting for them to leave, and saw Iruka shamelessly GROPE her sensei's eternal rival. Worse still, said eternal rival seemed to like it. Tenten squeaked, blushing terribly, as the dropped to the ground and fled.
Shikamaru found out because he was Shikamaru. It wasn't exactly a mental exercise for him when he looked through Iruka's desk for a pen and instead found a stack of love notes all signed with a henohenomoheji.
Ino found out because she was working at the flower shop when Yugao brought Kakashi in to pick up flowers to say he was sorry. Kakashi kept insisting that Iruka didn't really like flowers- that was a dead give away- while Yugao said that didn't matter because it was the thought behind them that was important.
Sakura found out because she was the one that shoved Kakashi into Iruka so they had their first kiss. Kakashi had annoyed her all day with questions about Iruka, and when he finally went to turn in his mission report she understood why. Frustrated with him, she focused her chakra and gave him a shove. His masked mouth connected with Iruka's own, and all either of them could do was stare in shock.
Choji found out because he was at the restaurant with his father that day.
Neji found out because he got stuck doing a mission with Kakashi. All the Jounin could talk about on the way back was Iruka and what he wanted to do with him. Neji felt that he would never ever be able to look at Iruka ever again, and bashing his brains out against a rock was sounding better by the minute.
Hinata found out when she had snuck out of the Hyuuga compound one night to practice away from everyone else. She found the two of them taking a moonlight stroll by a stream, and the silhouette of Kakashi pulling down his mask to give Iruka the sweetest kiss she'd ever seen. She hadn't really been able to see much of his face, but that was all right, because nobody else could say they'd seen something as innocent as that.
Lee found out because Guy sent him as a messenger for his next challenge, not daring to go back to Iruka's apartment himself. Iruka had informed him that Kakashi would be out of the shower momentarily.
Kiba found out because Kakashi smelt like Iruka-sensei. The smell was in his clothes, his hair, under his nails. It almost masked his own, and as far as Kiba knew there was only one way you could get that much of someone's smell on you. Besides, the bed-sheets the Jounin was carrying smelt like him, and Iruka, and something else that he'd asked Hana to identify for him, and she'd gotten very red when she sniffed so…
Shino found out by watching Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei just happening to run in to each other all over town. After the first six times, it started to get just a little to obvious that there was nothing accidental about it. And Kakashi's cheesy pick-up lines were starting to kill some of his bugs.
Hanabi Hyuuga found out because she was the one that locked the janitor's closet door.
Udon found out because he showed up early for a tutoring session with Iruka-sensei. He waited out in the hall like Iruka asked him to, and he couldn't help but overhear what he and the other man were saying. When Udon asked his mother about it, she had looked scandalized and immediately told everyone else's mothers.
Moegi found out because she had been picking flowers and stopped by to give Iruka-sensei one on her way home. A nice silver-haired man had answered the door, and told her that he was the only one allowed to give Iruka-sensei flowers and could she please tell everyone that? So she had.
Konohamaru found out because Kakashi took it upon himself personally to inform the little prankster that if Iruka came home with one more headache because of him, Asuma was going to cease to be an uncle because he would no longer have a nephew.
By then, everyone in Konoha knew.
Everyone, that was, except Naruto who had not been in Konoha at all. So when he came back, no one bothered to tell him because of course- everyone knew. He will just have to find out on his own, one of these days.