Meaningless

Uzumaki Naruto. If you call me by that name, I will turn around and acknowledge it regardless even if it's not my true name. What's in a name after all, but a way to label things to recognize from the rest of others like it? But it's not the only name I'm called. There are others and yet that name was the one that was written in scraps of papers.

What am I? I'm a vessel. I am feared. I am hated. I am alone. I am in pain. Will I ever be anything more than a vessel and a scapegoat.

What would it take to be more than just a sacrifice? Sometimes I wonder when I look up at the night sky if I would always end up looking and not belonging to something so beautiful. It's the way I feel when I see families together. When a father plays with his son or when a daughter tugs her mother's skirt or when they are walking, eating or playing together. And I would see myself, alone.

But I guess in my heart I accept. I wouldn't have it any other way. I am a sacrifice. I must protect. Even though with this unwanted burden, it is my choice to take it and live. Because I know no other way. Even when I am hurt, I cannot do nay thing but smile and laugh because no one would see me cry and no one would care enough to stop and take the pain away. No one would soothe me because I am a sacrifice. There is no other meaning in my life.

I will laugh and sometimes I will cry. But I will strive to live and … maybe at least leave a mark behind. Because even as a sacrifice, I do not want to be forgotten. Because to be forgotten would be to never exist. To never exist meant that I never deserved to live, and I want to. I want to live, even if I would be alone and no one person would take me aside and consider me as theirs alone.

I am someone special, I want to be someone special, I want to be special to someone … but I am no one special. I shall exist and look and feel and live and be me. Not just a name. A name is meaningless without existence. The same as I am not meaningless because I want to mean something. Even if I would mean to only a handful. It will be an existence nonetheless. Lonely but… it is enough.

After all, I am just… a sacrifice.

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Author's Note:

So I finally gave in and made a fic (of sort) even though it's only a one shot. I've been having the nagging feeling of actually posting a story but have always resisted until now. Though, this is no story. It's a bit contradictory which can be handed to my current state of mind when I did this. Though in a way, it's like me, contradictory. Anyway, if you read this. Thank you.