Keely, Keely, Keely

There is so much I want to say, and so much that I never will. So much that I long to tell you, while looking into your eyes, and so much that I long to say while you're still in my arms. I don't have time to tell you all of that. There won't ever be enough time to say everything that I want, and need to say to you.

Remember when you had that massive flu, and I decided, no matter how contagious you were, I was coming over, and we were going to watch all your favourite movies? You couldn't believe how weird it was that I was going to risk getting the flu just to be able to put a smile on your face. But it wasn't weird at all. Not in my opinion. In fact, it felt weirder to imagine not doing anything about it.

Anyway, we sat in your front room, and we watched more than ten movies: Love Actually, Pirates of the Caribbean, Mean Girls... but I knew all along, that your favourite; the one you enjoyed watching the most of all, was Moulin Rouge. I saw the sparkle in your eye, as the main characters danced around the balcony, reciting lines from well-known songs of your era. But your eyes lit up most of all, when Christian sung that song to her, on the first night they met. And I heard you, on occasion, humming that song to yourself. So it struck me as appropriate to mention that song here. Because I loved that song too. And most of all, I loved that you loved it. This song will always remind me of you.

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

That movie reminds me of us. We were two people, destined to meet, destined to be ripped apart eventually. Christian and Satine were never supposed to be together; and apparently, neither were me and you. It was neither of our faults. Satine died. She had no choice. My family are taking me away; away to a place where you no longer exist. And you have no choice there. Unless you outlive everybody who has ever lived. And I hope you do Keely. I sincerely hope you do.

This may seem a letter ahead of it's time. If it falls into the hands of anyone else, it will make no sense at all. The concept; me telling you to live your life; could be done simply over the phone, or face-to-face, in normal circumstances. But we have never been normal. And neither have the circumstances surrounding us. Our circumstances happen to be so different, because by the time you read this, I'll be in the future, and you'll be gone. It seems mind-blowing to think about that.

Where I am, while you are reading this, you aren't. You don't exist. And where you are, I don't exist.

Don't cry Keels. Because I can see you now, pouring over this, waiting for a shred of hope. And there will be a shred of hope. I promise you. There's always a shred of hope.

Before Satine died, Christian told her he loved her. And I do. I love you Keely Teslow. And I hope you didn't need this letter to tell you that. To confirm it, maybe. But I hope that deep down, during all those movie nights, and during all those conversations we had about the future; our future, I hope you knew.

I don't know how I'll feel in the future. I know that I'll miss you. I know that there'll always be a hole in my heart, but whether it heals or gapes wider than before, is undetermined. I can't say I'll never get over you, because I may. All I can say, and all I know for sure, is that I will always love you. And whether I meet someone in the future, they will never be able to take over my heart they way you did. They may be able to capture a fragment, but the rest will be yours. And yours entirely.

There are differences between both stories. The story of Moulin Rouge is being told. It has already happened, and finished. Christian is telling a tale of something that will never change. But the difference with us, is that we can change it. Our story will never be finished. Not completely. It can change. We can change. I could come back, and you could outlive all expectation. We never know what might happen. Especially with you involved. If you're determined to do something, you'll do it. I know you will. Because that's the Keely that I know and love so much.

But, let me tell you why I had to write this in a letter. I wrote it down, so that when you get low, or lonely, you can get this out, and you know that I'll always be there. I will. You can remember a meeting, and you can remember the words someone has said. But you can treasure this forever. And the words will fade, and the corners will rip, but isn't that what makes something so special? The worn edges are what makes something interesting, and unique.

I have no doubt that you will meet another person; a person who is worthy of you. A person who appreciates you, and loves you as much as I could have, and always will. And when that person comes along, don't turn him down. You deserve him.

So wipe away your tears. You know that if, and I cannot promise anything, if I do get a chance to return, I'll take it. You know that I would always return to you if I could. Wipe away that tear that is aching to fall onto the paper, and show the world that you can do this. I know you can. Prove to other people, who know you as Keely, Phil Diffy's best friend, that you can do it. That you can live without me.

Put this letter away. In a box, full of pictures of us and anything else that reminds you of me. Heck, put in a box of tomatoes, a fake toe, and video camera. And while your at it, make your locker into a mini bar. Remember me.

I'll never forget you Keely. You know that. I know that. It is impossible to forget someone who has made such a huge impact on your life. Never need to forget.

Life has many twists and turns. Some may call it fate. It was fate that we met. Was it fate that we got split apart? Or was it inevitable. Life is only what we define it as. Define yours as a success. That is one of my only wishes. My other is that I don't have to leave. But at least one of my wishes has a chance of coming true.

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

One day, we'll write our story. You'll write some, and put them somewhere only we know. And I'll collect them a hundred years later, and put them together. And it will be our story. A story about a time, a story about a place, a story about the people. But above all things, a story about love. A love that will live forever.

All my love, for a hundred years and forever.

Phil.