A/N: I just had to write it, I had to. I listened to this country song I downloaded last night and it reminded me so much of Conversion and Alter!Roy that I had to write it. (If anyone's interested, the song is "I Wish" by Jo Dee Messina.) So please, enjoy this Conversion!universe fic.
Roy sighed, sitting down at his desk again after pacing in the upstairs workroom. To say that he was nervous about the upcoming day would be a bit of an understatement. Tomorrow was The Day. He was scared out of his mind. What if something went wrong? What if the colonel didn't get his message? What if Ed didn't make it all the way back?
What if it actually worked?
No. Mustn't think like that. It would work, of course it would. Roy removed the tie from his small ponytail and pushed his fingers through his hair, contemplating. He had brought a pen and some paper with him, intending to write a good-bye letter to Ed, but he couldn't quite think of what to write. The crumpled rejects were littered around the desk, and the current draft was about to join them. Everything he tried sounded wrong. Too distant, too chummy, too cheerful…
As he knew he would, Roy crinkled up his meager excuse for a letter and tossed it over his shoulder. Too… something. He sighed again, more agitated this time. It wasn't going quite how he wanted it to. To hell with it, he decided. He picked up his pen and started writing the only thing Ed deserved to know: the truth.Ed—
I'm not much for words. Wish I was, though. Then maybe writing this wouldn't be so difficult. No… that's not it. That's not why this is hard.
These past five months have certainly been something. I must admit that when we first met, I was half-tempted to nod and smile and ignore everything you said as you were explaining your story to me. I thought you were somewhat crazy, but I'm glad I didn't commit you to the nearest asylum. That wouldn't have been nearly as fun as introducing you to Kara. You have to admit that it was funny (and, admittedly, you do look like a girl sometimes). You've really become a part of our family, and it saddens me that you're leaving so soon. I know it's been five years since you've been home, but it would've been nice to have more time with you here.
As it is… we're going to miss you. I'm going to miss you. I know I said this before, but writing this… it isn't easy. To be honest, I want you to stay here. I want for you to be able to live here, but that's not possible. I know that you have to go back to your brother. I won't say that you have to go back home, because to me, this is your home.
But even though I wish you could stay, I wish you luck even more. You told me once that you didn't even know if your brother is still alive, but I have faith that you'll find him. If I know you at all, I know that you don't give up until you've got what you want. You'll find him. I know you will.
Once you do, I wish you all the happiness you could ever want. From what I've heard about your past, you've more than your share of hardships and then some. It's not fair, everything that's happened to you, but now it's time for you to live your life like everyone else. I realize how unlikely that will be for you, but it's something I want for you nonetheless.
Sometimes I think that it might've been better if we never would have met, but I know that's not the truth. These months with you have been some of the best in a long while, and I thank you for bringing joy into my home. I want you to know that I wouldn't trade that time for anything, because—
The man turned his head at his name. "Ed." He set down his pen, stretching out his arms and back. "What are you doing up so late?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing," the blonde said, leaning against the doorframe. "Big day tomorrow, y'know?"
Roy nodded knowingly. "Nervous?" he asked.
"Kinda." Ed grinned somewhat anxiously. "You?"
Roy returned his grin. "Scared out of my mind," he admitted, "but you don't need to know that." He winked.
The alchemist's grin grew into a smile and he bowed his head, snorting softly. "Your secret's safe with me, old man," he joked. "I'm going to bed. Good night, Roy."
"Night, Ed," Roy said quietly, listening to Ed's uneven footsteps fade down the stairs. He glanced down at his nearly completed letter and thought, Nah. The man was careful to pick up every one of his failed attempts and throw them away, but the last draft he folded carefully and tucked into his pocket.
I'll tell him tomorrow.