ACT II : Or is she?
On the sandy shores of good old New Harvordhampshiredon stood a beautiful young lady in no need of further description.
I said: On the sandy shores of-
"Waddaya mean, no feather needs of indescription?"
"It's English, milady. English as opposed to whatever it is you are trying to utter." Tavington said as he fell gracefully from his trusty horse.
"Yeah, I kinda got that. Like, what about the beauty thingy though? 'Cause I think you should totally mention my sex-ay new hairdo with shimmering suns of flaxen goodness and streaks of purest hairy gold and all that stuff." The brat whine- ah, young lady proposed softly.
"We haven't got any time for that now. But rest assured, milady, that I shall attend to it personally the next time I have a prisoner to torture. As of now-"
"OH MY GOD YOU STARTLETTED ME." The lady interrupted in a worryingly loud speaking voice.
Tavington turned his gaze in search of other arrivals or a guillotine but to his great disappointment spotted neither. He turned back to the girl, trying his best to hide the wave of shivering revulsion that was currently shaking his entire body. "I beg you pardon, your lowliness?"
"OH MY GOD YOU STARTLETTED ME." she repeated in the same 'talking-loud-and-clearly-to-the-elderly' voice and Tavington noticed that she appeared to be looking at her hand with great concentration.
"You wouldn't happen to be reading the only vaguely coherent sentence you have uttered so far from a cheat sheet, would you?"
The young lady blinked and took up scratching her pink hair with great vigour. Then she smiled with relief. "Nah, 's from my hand."
"I see. Now, Miss Nightfire-"
"M-i-s-s N-i-g-h-t-f-i-r-e. Princess Queen Victoria Galadrowyn Serenity Yadda Yadda Nightfire. It's your name. N-a-m-e. A word or words by which an entity is designated and distinguished from others. And y o u r n a m e is-"
"I beg you pardon?"
"It's Sass. Sabrina Angelica Stephanie Starlight. Or Sass. But where I come from everyone calls me Phoenix!"
"Would that be because of your highly combustible quality?"
"No, I didn't think so. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up." Tavington sighed.
"I think I gotta tell you something. I'm actually a talented orphan singer from the future but I was totally scared I'd change the war or something if I tell you so I put on some of those old things and used my acting skills to talk like you guys so you wouldn't figure it out! Cool, huh?"
"So you are most definitely not Princess Queen Victoria Galadrowyn Serenity Nightfire, a French prostitute with a tragic past, a skilled swordswoman, the Queen of Bora Bora, daughter of an elf and a pixie stick and the General's illegitimate child twice removed?"
"Nah… uh, wait – what was the thing about the French pixie child again?"
"…and you have not been purchased by Major General Lord Charles Cornwallis on E-bay?"
"You are also not affiliated with Major General Lord Charles Cornwallis in any way whatsoever?"
"And if you were to meet a gruesome end involving a spoon, a rope, fire and this haystack over there Major General Lord Charles Cornwallis would not be upset about it whatsoever?"
"Uhm…"Ten Minutes Later
The sun disappeared slowly behind the idle roofs of New Harvordhampshiredon by the sea and its orange shimmer nurtured the warm glow of the slightly oversized campfire.
Further down the beach Colonel Tavington and his trusty horse rode off into the sunset, merrily whistling tunes to themselves.To be continued…
I think I'm currently suffering from plot. I shall hopefully get over it soon.