A/N: Done for the AtoRyo livejournal fic/challenge/themed community, royalpair . Short drabble-like ficlet, written in 10 minutes while taking a break from my assignments. :)

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.Snark


If there ever was an award for the most irritable couple, Atobe and Ryoma would certainly win it, hands down. Really, how did the two get together anyway?

Momoshiro sighed as Atobe gestured a waitress over for what should be the umpteen time.

"Excuse me," the Hyoutei captain motioned to the waitress who was clutching the tray to her chest like a shield, "I believe there is some dirt on my spoon."

"I-I'll change it for you, sir," she replied instantly, bowing deeply before proceeding to remove the offending utensil from the square table and replacing it with a new one.

"Che," Echizen snorted at the exchange, "why bother when your mouth's probably dirtier."

Atobe narrowed his eyes at his lover before opening his mouth for a retort and Momoshiro groaned at the inevitable verbal war.

"Explain why we are here again?" he moaned to the person sitting opposite him.

"Stop complaining," Kaidoh gritted out between clenched teeth and glared at the Momoshiro from across the bickering pair, "It was your fault we owned Inui-Sempai a favour and had to repay it by 'collecting data' through this double date," he muttered, and glared again.

Both Momoshiro and Kaidoh were relieved when the food finally arrived. It could at least serve as a temporary distraction from all the annoying insults--which were getting really ridiculous--the two sitting at their sides were throwing each other. Not caring for any proper dining etiquette in this seemingly high-class restaurant, Momoshiro wolfed down his meal--ignoring Atobe's disgusted look thrown towards him--while Kaidoh ate as politely as he could.

"I'm sure all the fleas in your hair are rather 'awed at the sight of your prowess'."

"For your information, I use 5 different kinds of shampoo, conditioner, and other organic hair-strengthening products. I'm sure Ore-Sama's hair is in a better condition than the mouldy hair you stuff under that disdainful cap."

The voices didn't stop, though; they spoke after almost every bite. After it continued for another ten minutes, Kaidoh could stand it no longer and took in a deep breath; preparing himself to shout at the idiot pair to 'shut the hell up'. But their table went silent suddenly, and Kaidoh, confused, stared at the two.

Atobe was smiling rather... suspiciously at Echizen, while the freshman was sporting a blush that was growing steadily every second, and glaring at Atobe from under his cap.

Kaidoh blinked at the new development and tried to catch Momoshiro's attention by hissing at him. But Momoshiro seemed to be too occupied with his food and ignored him, so Kaidoh had to poke Momo's arm with a fork. He gave a startled yelp at that, and the knife he was holding dropped to the floor.

"What's that for, mamushi?" He glared at Kaidoh and wiggled uncomfortably in his seat when he saw the other patrons to the restaurant look at them, before bending down and slipped his head under the checkered table cloth to retrieve his knife.

Kaidoh rolled his eyes and then frowned when he noticed both Atobe and Echizen were unaffected by this slight commotion; their gazes were still locked at each other. He turned around hastily, silently cursing them for this unwanted open flirting that they displayed.

It was Momoshiro's expression when he sat up straight in his seat again that caused Kaidoh to widen his eyes. His face was a flaming red; the blush could possibly rival Echizen's. Momoshiro stood up suddenly then, and walked around the table to stop at where Kaidoh was sitting, before grabbing his arm and pulling him up.

"Let's go," he said stiffly, "Atobe'll be paying."

He forgot to even protest or resist Momoshiro, who was practically hauling him out of the restaurant. "What's that for, idiot?" he repeated Momo's earlier statement when he finally let go of his arm outside.

Momoshiro stared at him for a moment; the blush still as red as ever, swallowed a few times before answering with a squeak in disjointed sentences, "Atobe... foot, up E-Echizen... thigh..."

Kaidoh blanched and turned red before hissing, "Never. No more double dates. Never again."