Chapter 30: A promise, we will not forget
"Naruto did you pack up your stuff?" Sasuke question, I don't answer. Instead just look at the ceiling. "You've been acting weird, what's on your mind?"
"I haven't heard from Gaara at all…and I'm to afraid to go check on him…"I mumble. Thanksgiving break is coming to an end today and still I've heard nothing from my boyfriend.
"Well we're going back to school, and his suspension will be over at the end of the month…so you can talk to him there," Sasuke reassure me.
"Yeah I guess…but still what if something horrible has happened?"
"I'm sure everything's fine Naruto." Sasuke leaves my room. I sit up, and look around. I think I've packed everything…But maybe I should just take one finally bus trip…. No if I show up it'll only cause Gaara more trouble. I have to stay here and think positive.
The day I left Gaara's house he never called, even after nine o'clock; I felt my heart sink at that time. But I told myself there's still plenty of time for him to call me. I wanted to believe he'd call, and I was able to stay awake until four in the morning until I finally fell asleep. Luckily on Thanksgiving I had plenty of distractions helping Sasuke and stuff. But still my mind would occasionally wonder to thoughts of Gaara. I was so scared.
Time's running out now. I can't help but feel worried, feel like something bad happened, and that's why Gaara can't call me. I can't help but feel that this is all my fault. That I'm the one causing Gaara so much trouble just like my mom caused my dad trouble. Will all these things, all this pain, drive us insane? Drive me to suicide? I just want a happy ending is that too much to ask for?
I can deal with the jerks in our school, but I can't handle not knowing what's going on right now. I can't handle not having the slightest idea if Gaara's ok. My phone suddenly rings, and I jump up and grab it off the bed stand I put it on.
"Hello?" I ask frantic.
"Naruto?" I let out a sigh of relief.
"Gaara I'm so glad to hear your voice. Are you ok? What took you so damn long to call me!"
"I'm sorry. My brother and father have been keeping me locked up basically. But they've left to go to the boarding school, and left Temari in charge of me." He explains.
"Oh…so what happened? Are you hurt?"
"No, like I said my father only really locked me up…"
"That's good…well I mean that's not good but, ya know. It could have been worse…I guess."
The sound of Gaara's voice frightened me, "Yes?" I ask timidly, I hear a small sigh from the other end of the phone.
"I'm not coming back to school…"
"My father…he's pulling me out of school and enrolling me into military school…" Gaara explains in a monotone voice.
"You're…but…this isn't a joke right?" I stutter, feeling apart of me die.
"I'm sorry…" Gaara's voice is but a whisper.
"I can't believe this…Why do people have to ruin everything!" I hold on tightly to the phone in my hand. "You're dad isn't around right? I want to come see you, please let me come see you," I beg my boyfriend.
"Don't you have to leave to get back to school?"
"No not yet, not until this evening. Please Gaara…."
"Of course. I'll wait at the bus stop for you." he mutters out and hangs up the phone. I put my cell into my pocket and run out of my room. I want to talk to my red head face to face. There's so much I want to say, and so much I'm feeling right now. But the phone doesn't seem good enough to pass on my messages. No I have to see those green eyes.
"Were are you going in such a hurry?"
"To see Gaara," I call back and slam the front door behind me once I step out. I run up to the bus stop just as the bus comes to a halt. I step in and pay for the fair. I go to the way back were there aren't a lot of people. I sit down and let myself catch my breath. Why is it that there has to be so much trouble? Why is Gaara's father taking him away from me…sending him to military school? I shutter at the thought. I hope Gaara will be all right…he doesn't deserve half the stuff people throw at him.
The bus ride is unusually quiet, and I stare out the window, my heart still racing. How will I keep in contact with Gaara? How will we see each other? Is everything lost, all because he's going to another school? But his dad is so protective and crazy, I doubt that when Gaara does have time off from school he'll even let him out of the house. Besides military school has to be harsh…it's not like he'll have time for me anymore. Is this really gonna end everything? All the things I've worked for? All those days I bothered him in the courtyard? I'll never have his company there again. I wonder if he'll ever have the time to paint….
The bus comes to my stop and I get up looking out the windows that I pass, and I see a glimpse of red hair. I exit the bus, and there at the stop sign is Gaara. I run up to him, and hug him tightly.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper to him. My thoughts becoming cluttered, and really I don't know what I'm apologizing for. And as I hold on to him my mind registering that my life at the boarding school will be very different, even lonely.
"Don't cry…" Gaara mumbles, and I feel his hand on my shoulder. Am I crying? Really? I hadn't t noticed. I touch my cheek and feel tears. I wipe my face fiercely and then look up to smile at Gaara.
"I should have never come here….it's all my fault."
"No it's not, don't worry about it," he mumbles.
"You always tell me not to worry! I can't help it!," I yell, and then look away feeling al little bad for screaming at him. "We won't see each other anymore….how can I not worry."
Gaara doesn't reply only takes my hand and slowly leads me down the street. I keep wiping away tears. How can he be so calm? How can he look so at ease. Isn't he at all upset? Don't' I mean anything to him? I feel his hand tighten around mine a little. Yes I do mean a lot to him…it's just not like him to over react. Unlike me; I guess I'll display enough emotion for the both of us. I try to smile a little and just focus on the touch we're sharing. But it's so hard to ignore everything I was just told. My brain's still trying to sort everything away, still trying to come to terms with what's happening.
We're in front of Gaara's house now, and he lets go of my hand to sit on his steps. I let myself fall down next to him, and scoot close as if wanting to absorb him.
"Isn't there anything you can do? Anything we can do?" I ask hopelessly. Gaara doesn't answer. "You don't deserve to be sent away…you're dad is a jerk…"
"But he's my guardian until I'm eighteen," he says in a depressed voice.
"But…can't you run away. I mean right now, we could just leave, and never turn back."
Gaara folds his hands together, and looks out into the street before turning to me. "I've tired. I wanted to."
"So? We can do it now, it's not like there's anyone to stop you."
"Naruto, I don't want to ruin your life," Gaara mumbles out.
"How would you be ruining my life?"
"If we were to run away…what sort of life would be waiting for us? We both probably wouldn't be able to finish school, and it would be hard for use to find jobs. I had wanted to leave…but my brother stopped me…he made a lot of sense…I don't think we could make it."
I glare at my boyfriend for a long, time before letting the logic sink in. "Yeah I guess you're right. I'm sorry I must just be adding more stress ontop of your situation with talk like this. I'm sorry for fucking shit up."
"I said it's not your fault…I'm glad you came to see me. …I'm glade I met you…" Gaara mumbles out the last part not making eye contact with me.
"Don't talk like that…you're making it sound like you're breaking up with me," I say holding on to his forearm.
"The life I'm going to be forced into, it will be strict and I'll be monitored. I won't be able to stay in contact with you," he looks at me finally.
"That's ok..it's all ok…I just…"
"Don't you think it would be better if we just…go our separate ways?" Gaara ask.
"What? No! I mean…do you really want that?"
He shrugs, "I feel….I know I love you…but it seems that everything is pulling us apart. There's no good solution…we're both to young… It wouldn't be fair to make you wait for me. I'm too much of an uncertainty. Wouldn't you like to find someone else?"
"No! I'll wait, I want to. I just…I don't' want this to end. I've worked to damn hard to get you to talk to me!" I say, and let a smile grace my lips trying to lighten the mood. Gaara gives me a blank look, and then turns his head.
I continue to speak, "I don't' know…maybe it's being childish…and maybe it's just a mistake. But I feel like I can't just let it end, not like this. Not when it's not because one of is unhappy. I want to make you happy, I want to be that one person that you can think about and be sure that they love you. I don't want to abandon you, and I don't want you to leave me. I've been alone so long…since I was little and only recently have I been able to make friendships, and you… you're so much more. Which only makes it harder, I don't' want this to end."
"But there's nothing we can do..."
"No not about you leaving but…" Gaara's hand tilts my head up to look at him. His eyes are so cold and empty and I feel fear, as if he's going to keep rejecting me. I don't' wan to be rejected anymore. But then he leans in and our lips met. I close my eyes, and pull Gaara even closer to me. Our soft sweet kiss soon turns desperate, and we don't want to let go, even though we both need air.
Gaara pulls away from me, and I can't help but whimper. "You're a strange little thing," He whispers. I look into his eyes, feeling lost for a moment. But then I see it, the smile on his face, a beautiful and sincere smile and it's staying there. It's not leaving, it's the longest I've ever seen him smile, and it warms my heart. I smile back, and hold on to him, resting my head on his shoulder and just holding him close. I don't want to leave, no matter how selfish and childish it is. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic…but is it so wrong to believe that everyone as a soul mate…someone they are willing to die for? And maybe it's just because I'm young and people say that teenagers like me can't understand what love is…but I want to believe that Gaara's my soul mate. Is that such a bad thing?
"Yes?" I whisper.
"If you….if you are sure…Then I promise I will find you once I turn eighteen, I will seek you out."
"Then I'll wait," I say loosening my hold on him. He kisses me again, and his arms wrap around my waist. My own hands reach for his shoulders, and we just kiss. I can't hear anything else I don't notice anything else but the lips pressing softly against mine. How long will it be before I feel those lips again? This…I can tell this will be our last...
We pull apart again. "I…I guess I should be going again…I'd love to stay longer but. If it gets to late I think Sasuke will leave me behind." I tell my boyfriend with a chuckle.
"I'll walk you back…,"he says in a monotone voice. I reach for his hand, and we walk together back to the bus stop. Oh I really do wish I could spend the rest of the day with my red head…but unlike Gaara I still have to go to Konoha Greens. It'll be weird not seeing him in the courtyard.
We walk to the bus stop in silence, and sit waiting for the vehicle to come. I wanted to speak to him, to make these last moments wonderful, but no sound came out. A part of me can't talk, because it would be too depressing. Gaara seems to be thinking the same. The bus pulls up and we both get to our feet. We look at each other and refuse to speak the words, 'goodbye'. After all he promised he'd fine me, and I promised I'd wait; so this can't be goodbye.
I step onto the bus again paying fair and again sitting in the back. Watching as the bus takes me farther away from the one I love.
"Naruto, good you're here," Sasuke says as I walk up the driveway. "I got your stuff in the car already. We need to get going," he says. Itachi is already in the driver's seat. I nod my head with slight sadness and get into the car. Sasuke's hand departs from the passenger seat door and instead he comes to sit next to me.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Gaara's dad pulled him out of school," I mutter.
"You joking? Just because he found out he's gay. He can't change someone's sexuality by taking them out of an all boys school," he sighs out, buckling up. I do the same.
"Yeah…" I say and look out the widow. For once I really don't feel like talking.
My fingers trace over the photo in my hand, and I let out a sigh. Sasuke isn't in the room, he's gone to take a shower. I'm glade, because I really need some time on my own. The last passed weeks of school have been so strange to me. It seems like I'm almost in a fog. Sasuke's concerned but he doesn't question me, after all he knows what's wrong. He doesn't attempt to cheer me up either, but he's not flat out ignoring me. I'm grateful really. I don't want to be cheered up. For right now I just want to be a little sad. I know the feeling will pass, and I don't' want to wallow in self pity.
This isn't self pity really. Yeah, I miss Gaara like souls miss water in hell, but…there's really nothing I can do. All I can do is keep hope, and move forward. I don't care if everyone in this school hated us, I don't care if some adults would say, "It was just puppy love. High school relationships hardly ever last." It's not like we broke up…we were torn apart. That's why I don't' think this relationship is over, why I don't think it was just puppy love, why I'm willing to wait for him. I slide the photo of Gaara and me on the church bench into the drawer of my night stand. My boyfriend's paintings I had professionally framed last weekend, and they hang over my bed; beside one another. I don't want to hide them away, because these things are all I have of him for now. Besides I know that Gaara probably has some keep sakes of me…and I hope I'm still the subject of his paintings. But I guess in Military school he wouldn't really have time to be artistic….
I pick up my books, and head into the hall. I pass the door that leads to Gaara's former dorm room. It's empty now, but I'm sure it'll get filled next year. I let a sad smile cross my lips as my eyes linger on the door. It's not really time for class yet, and only a few boys are up, and getting ready. But today I'm planning on doing something that I haven't done in two weeks.
I step outside into the light drizzle of rain. I look around not seeing anyone around the courtyard. I smile being thankful for the moment alone, and I take a seat on the flower bed. I run my hand against the spot I know Gaara would be sitting. I grin, and feel a tinge of happiness, as the rain starts to pour down hard. I ignore the cold droplets, and just keep feeling that warm peace, and solitude within me.
"Just because you're alone, doesn't mean you're lonely…" I mutter to myself, remember that Gaara had once said such words to me. I fully understand them now, because even though I'm alone out here in this courtyard, I don't' feel lonely. No far from it, I feel like I'm sitting right next to my boyfriend; like always.
A?N Check profile for sequel.