I don't know how to love him.

Even kneeling in the forest with him,

I'm lost, alone.

What to do, how to move him.

When he lays his hand on my heart,

When he kisses me,

I feel detached.

I've been changed, yes really changed.

I don't know what to do with myself.

All my life I've been hard and cruel,

And now I'm dropping my defenses.

In these past few days, when I've seen myself,

Without my defenses, I don't know who I am.

I seem like someone else.

---
I don't know how to take this.

My heart has never beat so strong,

My pulse has never rushed with electricity.

I don't see why he moves me.

I never would've seen him as the man I'd love.

He's a man. He's just a man.

He's so calm.

I'm so fierce.

And I've had so many men before,

Maybe it's the way we offset each other that makes us fall in love.

In very many ways,

But when we kiss,

I'm lost.

He's just one more.

---
Should I bring him down?

That's what I've done to others, beat them away.

Should I scream and shout?

I don't agree with his views,

So why doesn't he anger me?

Should I speak of love,

I try to say "I love you,"

But I don't know how to form the words.

Let my feelings out?

So I tell him that I feel wicked.

I never thought I'd come to this.

It still doesn't feel right.

What's it all about?

---

Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position?

I've never wanted to spend time with people

I'm the one who's always been

I'm the one who's always been angry.

So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,

So cruel, so uncaring.

Running every show.

And he's so calm,

That's what scares me about him.

He scares me so.

---

I never thought I'd come to this.

I always thought I'd be alone my whole life.

What's it all about?

I never prepared myself for this.

Yet, if he said he loved me,

We never told each other that we loved each other.

I know he loved me.

I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.

---
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.

I bury myself in his kiss,

In his touch.

I can understand solid things.

I'd turn my head. I'd back away.

But it wasn't knowing my sister was in pain

That made me run away from him.

I wouldn't want to know.

I ran away because if I stayed any longer,

He'd tell me that he loved me.

Tenderness scares me.

He scares me so.

I want to stay with him.

I can't.

I want him so.

I want to love him.

But I can't.

I love him so.