Title: Goodbye
Author: MacGateFan
Rating: G
Author's note: Written for an LJ Weir ficathon using a Patty Griffin song
Disclaimers: All characters of Atlantis are property of MGM Studios and others who aren't me. The quotes in italics are from the series. The song (which is bold), "Goodbye" was written by Patty Griffin.

I remember where I was
When the word came about you
It was a day much like today the
sky was bright, and wide, and blue

Elizabeth needed air. She didn't care how cold it was outside, but it was too confining in her office. She went out to the balcony and leaned against the wall. Sliding to the floor, she brought her knees up to her chest and laid her head down as she closed her eyes.

"You don't leave people in the hands of the enemy. And the fact that we are having this conversation in private lets me know that you know damn well that it's wrong, and it will totally undermine your leadership."

"I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony"
"Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried"
"I shot him... In the leg!"

"You weren't really going to say that, were you"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You can't"
"I have to and you know it"
"John... Go."

"You have to fight 'em. So fight"
"You know which way you have to go"
"Run."

"On my command authority, whatever he asks, don't do it, even..."

Elizabeth lifted her head when she felt someone's hand on her shoulder. "Carson?"

"Aye, Love," he replied, helping her up. "Major Lorne said you've been out here for awhile now. Come inside it's a wee bit chilly out here and you're not wearing a jacket."

Elizabeth nodded and followed Carson inside. He held her hand tightly as they moved through Atlantis. She knew he wasn't about to leave her alone again and she was grateful.

"Have a seat," Carson told her, patting one of the beds. She did so and one of the nurses quickly ran over with a warm blanket and placed it over her shoulders.

Elizabeth eyed him questioningly. "I just wanted to make certain you were all right. My explanation of what was happening to Colonel Sheppard came off a little insensitive. I apologize."

And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

She shook her head. "No, Carson, you were just stating the facts. I just don't know what to do. If I turn Ladon over, John will never forgive me and who's to say Kolya won't go back on his promise?"

"Aye. He's bloody psychotic that one is. I hate to say it, but Colonel Sheppard should have killed him the first chance he could."

"You're not the only one who feels that way, Carson."

"Why don't you try to get some rest? I'll wake you up in a few hours."

Elizabeth shook her head. "Carson, I don't think I can sleep right now," she admitted.

Carson seemed to understand, but he left her for a few minutes only to come back with a syringe in his hands. "I know you don't like to do this, but you need sleep."

"All right, Carson," Elizabeth replied in defeat. He was right, she was exhausted in more ways than one and sleep would do her good. Hopefully she'll be able to figure out how to save John without giving Ladon up to Kolya.

"Elizabeth."

She blinked, almost not wanting to wake up until she remembered that Kolya had taken John. "Carson?" she asked. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A little over two hours, Love."

Her heart thumped in her chest. Two hours. "What about...?"

"We haven't heard from Kolya yet, Elizabeth." He paused. "Nor Ladon."

Elizabeth didn't know how to respond to that and yet she knew that if they did find him, he wouldn't have much time left. In fact, he could be... No! She did not want to think that! John Sheppard was the most stubborn man she knew.

The only question that crossed her mind was, what would he be like if he did come home?

Today my heart is big and soreit's tryin'
to push right through my skin
I won't see you anymore

But I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye