Disclaimer- I don't own the TT. And while this is a oneshot, I'm breaking my rule by saying that if enough people think so, i may write an epilogue sort of thing to this. So please review.

My Love

Story By StormDancer

It is not light that we need, but fire; not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.

My love,

I love you. I don't think I've ever told you that before. I know it, and you know it, that was all that mattered. We've danced around it in our banter, skirted the edges in the midst of passion. But I've never articulated it verbally. Or on paper, like I'm doing now. So here it is, for the first and last time. I love you. I love you to death.

I love your smile, your laugh, your every movement. I love the shivers your voice sends up and down my spine as you purr my name. Your cat-like grace that allows you to sneak up behind me undetected and enclose me in your strong, warm arms. Your beauty- yes, beauty, I don't care if it doesn't sound masculine enough- as you dodge the blows of an opponent, dancing your dance of skill of pain. I love your handsome, muscular body. I love the way you challenge me intellectually, how you banter with me like no one else will, unafraid of my deadly anger. I love the way you're you and no one else. I love you. I really do. I would die for you.

But They will never understand. My team cannot comprehend my love. The wall is too great, too old, and too dark. My friends only think in black and white. They can't see the red in between. They will never be able to accept a romance between good and bad. If they knew what I felt for you, with you, they would repudiate me, no matter how hard they tried to adjust. If I have you, I can't have my family. My friends.

And however much I love you, you can't replace them. You can't participate in girl talk or paint my nails over my protests. You can't be my big brother and love me (platonically, don't worry; you don't have to be jealous).You can't be the one to prank me and get me to realize anger isn't all bad and immature humour is funny, occasionally. You cannot be my soul-sib, or understand that bond between me and Robin. You just can't. It's not in your nature, and whatever happens, my love, I don't want you to change.

But I cannot live without my friends. They raised me in all senses of the word that matters. They made me the girl you fell for. I love you, but they're my everything. Without them, I'd be completely and utterly lost. I couldn't live the life I want, I must, lead.

In a perfect world, I'd have you both, family and love. But I have to choose. Society ordained that. I knew this moment would come ever since I looked straight into your unmasked eyes. I need to choose, my family or my love. I wish I didn't. The pain is destroying me; the pain that I hope won't destroy you. I need to choose, I can't choose. But I must. And I'm sorry, but my decision has been made.

I love you, Red X. You have no idea how much. My heart is breaking as I write this. I don't think I'll be able to give you it in person, like I'd planned. It'll just appear on your desk, without any sign of me. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone anything. I love you, remember? I always will. But I have to choose.

I love you to death.

But not to life.

With love forever and beyond,