I adore Murder She Wrote, especially Jessica - I think she's brilliant! I thought it would be fun to write a spoof. Here goes….



Murder She Wrote: Spoof!



"Well, it certainly seems to be an open and shut case," the Sheriff nodded to his officers. "We have the suspect's fingerprints all over the body, a clear motive, and four hundred and thirty-two eye-witnesses all saw him kill the man."

Jessica, however, frowned and tapped her finger against her chin. "Hmm…I'm not so sure. Something doesn't seem to fit…."

The sheriff immediately blew his whistle. "Woah! Officers! Did you hear that? Mrs. F. thinks there's something fishy going on. Release the suspect!"

"But chief…" the officer spluttered. "Everyone saw him kill the man! And we have a signed confession!"

The Sheriff set his jaw firmly. "I don't care. No one gets arrested until Mrs. Fletcher gives us the go ahead."

"Right you are, chief," they grumbled. They released him and the man ran off.

The sheriff turned towards Jessica. "So, ma'am, could you explain what you think is going on? Er – not that I don't know, of course, but – er – just to see if you know."

"Oh, of course, Sheriff." Jessica smiled. "Well it all started when I noticed that the jar on the table was moved to the piano, and then the rose petal that was on the floor mysteriously appeared in the killer's pocket, and the taxi-driver had red hair and spoke Norwegian - "

The Sheriff looked at her in total bewilderment. What the bloody hell is she talking about?

"…then the watch stopped at exactly fourteen minutes past nine, and I only eat meat on Tuesdays, so that can only mean one thing…."

That you're completely insane?

"That the killer is old Mrs. Carter!" Jessica pointed at a sweet elderly lady sitting in the corner who was doing a spot of knitting.

Jeeez, I'd better agree or I'll look stupid.

"Good grief!" the Sheriff nodded vigorously. "You're right! There's a cold-blooded killer if ever I saw one. Arrest her!"

A SWAT team promptly dived out from behind a bush and surrounded her.

A helicopter appeared overhead and a man with a megaphone addressed the elderly lady.


The Sheriff stepped forward. "I advise you to come quietly now, ma'am, we don't want to make a scene."

The sweet old lady looked up in complete confusion and cupped a hand behind her ear. "I'm sorry, dear? I'm a bit hard of hearing…."

"Oh really?" the Sheriff replied sarcastically. "And I'm the Queen of England."

Jessica shook her head reprovingly at the old lady.

Then someone told a joke to lighten the mood.

The End